


Love's Painful Sting

by Lady_une



Category: Jay Park (Musician)
Genre: AOMG - Freeform, F/M, Multi, gray scenarios, jay park scenarios
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-01-08 19:08:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 86,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12260337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_une/pseuds/Lady_une
Summary: She always wanted to visit South Korea and see everything first hand. She fell in love with their culture, their music, their dramas, and their way of life. Sarah a 25 year old girl working at one of the most popular night clubs will finally have her dream come true, just not in the way she imagined. Will one of her favorite artists give her everything she always dreamed of or will she only get heartache and pain.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fanfic in a long time. It's a work in progress and I am not sure how long I will make it. Please let me know what you think because as a writer I feel that comments help me grow as a writer.

Sarah

The days are getting colder and I’m loving it! 

I thought as I was getting ready to head to the club. It’s my first night off in months and here I am still going back to my job. I let a little laugh out at that stupidity of the thought. I clasp shut the handcuff on my belt and put the keys around my neck. I take one quick look in the mirror. I thought I looked cute, nothing to write home about but I was average I guess. I was 5’3 about 125lbs with a lovely tan to my skin and brown curly hair that is at the moment a little lighter from being kissed by the sun. Tonight I opted to be a little exotic with my eyes, I didn’t want to see the dull ever boring brown in my pictures. Instead I put in my ice blue contacts that made my eyes not super icy but a nice looking blue. I grabbed my bag and walked out of my apartment locking the door and heading off to the club. Tonight would be interesting, since it was my first night off in forever I planned on having some drinks and just letting loose. The only thing I worried about was my boss who was also my father figure trying to weasel me into working on my day off. It wouldn’t surprise me if he called me to break up a fight or to help behind the bar if it got crazy, but if he did he better be prepared to pay up. I had a new tattoo I have been putting off for awhile because it was going to cost me big time, not nearly as much as the one on my back but still would cost a pretty penny. 

It didn’t take long for my uber to pull up in front of the club. I looked up at the flashing neon lights “dragon kiss” not a very interesting name to be honest but the inside is what kept people coming back for more. The loud music could be heard outside and you could feel the buzz in the air from the base in the song. I skipped the long line and went right up to my friend manning the door and waved at him as I walked in. Working here had its perks obviously, no need to wait in a line that could only get longer. It has gone around the corner a few times with people trying to get in during a special performance night. I walked into the back beyond the employee only door to the locker area. I waved at the people working and stashed my bag, there was no need for an ID or cash since employees can have an open tab and pay at the end of the night without leaving their card. I walked back out and right to the bar.

“Hey sexy lady how about a drink?”  
I yelled out to one of my only best friends Hua, she was a small girl about my height with lots of spunk. She bounced over to me with her hot pink hair spiked up making her look like she was recently shocked by an outlet or something. 

“Isn’t tonight your night off Sarah? What the hell are you even doing here?”

“You know me I can never escape this place. I wanted to have fun and well this is one of the best night clubs in my area. Now how about my drink? Give me a double of tequila with some salt and a lime.”

“Starting off strong with a double eh.” She shakes her head as she grabs a glass and my sweet sweet lover jose. She fills the glass up and puts it down with my salt and lime.

“hey just don’t be switching up your booze, stick to one or you will be sick tomorrow.”

I wave her off while I lick my hand to prep it for the salt. I wasn’t dumb, I knew if I moved from tequila to something else I would be super hungover tomorrow. I down my shot and I could feel the burn slowly warming me up. I blew her a kiss and made my way to the dance floor. It was about 930 and the place was already packed for it being a Friday night. People were bumping into each other as they let their bodies move to the music. I felt bad for the people waiting in line outside because I doubt they will see the inside of this place tonight. 

Before I knew it I felt a pair of strong arms come up from behind me and snake their way around my waist. I could smell the stench of beer coming off the man behind me when he whispered in my ear how sexy I was. I rolled my eyes and pulled away from him. 

“No thanks.”

I moved around on the dance floor dancing with some regulars who recognized me. I was enjoying myself so much listening to the music and feeling the base vibrate through my body. I loved music, I really did. Most of the time you would find me humming or singing along with the music, I have notebooks full of lyrics that just come to me throughout the day. I slowly made my way towards the DJ booth where my other best friend Park was currently blasting the music.

“Park you sexy bastard how are you?”

“Sarah what the hell are you even doing here?”

“I missed your face and decided to come see you!” I laughed as I climbed up into the booth and sat on the bench behind him. 

“if I were you I would be at home sleeping because tomorrow is going to be insane!”

I nodded, I knew that’s what I should be doing. He was right tomorrow was going to be insane since it was a performance night. Not just any kind of performance night like how we would have with the locals. No this was a big time show that sold out in a matter of minutes. It was Jay fucking Park and his AOMG crew coming to perform a few songs. Jay was trying to get his boys names out there in the Asian communities’ state side. This was his last stop before him and the boys flew back to Korea. To say I was excited would be an understatement, I fucking adored Jay and his boys. They were obviously good looking but it was their voices that really drew me in, the music they put out was just amazing! 

“Hey since you are here how about you do a little MC work? The boss wants to get everyone hyped for tomorrow, not like its needed but whatever. He wanted me to have a little karokee sing off with some of the patrons tonight. Let them pick a song and have the audience pick who is the best. What do you say? Will you help me out? I really don’t want to do the music and MC it.”

I knew someone would ask me to work tonight. I closed my eyes and just chuckled at his question. He knew I wasn’t going to say no, I am always one to help out. Maybe it’s because I was the youngest one here out of the employees or it was because it’s just in my nature to help others. 

“Sure Park I will help yah out, but call over Chu and have him bring me another double of tequila. I’m not getting up there without something in my system.”

“Sure thing Sarah, just watch your intake. I’m not carrying your ass home tonight.”

We both laughed because he knew damn well that if I was shit faced by the end of the night he was in fact carrying my ass home and making sure I was in bed safely. Chu came over quickly with my order and I downed it quickly without my normal salt and lime. The dj booth and stage were connect and you could easily just swing down from the booth onto the stage. This is what I did and Park handed me a mic. He turned down the music so he could speak and the crowd got quieter. 

“Hey sexy people!!!! Y’all having a good time?”

The crowd yelled out with happiness.

“That’s what I like to hear. Are you excited for tomorrow? Jay fucking park and his AOMG crew will be LIVE on this very stage tomorrow!!”

The crowd this time exploded with cheers and people jumping around.

“Yah that’s what I thought, I know I’m excited for this! So to get us in the spirit for tomorrow we are doing a little contest. Whoever wins tonight gets the full VIP treatment tomorrow! No waiting in that long ass line and you get a VIP room with bottle service on the house! What do you think about that?”

I thought the crowd was crazy before but this time it was even more crazy with the cheers and hollering and they had no idea what they even had to do yet. 

“I know it’s an awesome prize! But if you want this prize you need to sing you heart out! Yup that’s right it’s a singing contest! The winner will be chosen by you the crowd! To help with this we talked everyone’s favorite spit fire Sarah to MC this little contest! It’s her day off and she still came to grace us with her presence, so let’s show her some love!”

I walked out and gave a sweet little curtsy to the crowd.

“What’s up chi town!! Some of you might know me as the ever popular bartender and some of you unfortunate people might know me as the spit fire who is hauling you out to the cops when you get to rowdy!”

The crowd laughed as I emphasized cops by tugging on my handcuffs that held my belt together. 

“Now let’s get to the rules. We will have two women and two men up here. Each of you will go and let Park know what song you will sing and he will que it up for you. You will have the stage to yourself to do what you want. Please just don’t be taking off all your clothes, save that for the strip club. Everyone will have two minutes to sing their song and do their thing, so keep that in mind when you pick your song. After everyone completes their song it will be up to the rest of you to cheer your heart out for your favorite! To make this fare I ask that anyone who wants to take part please come put your name on a slip of paper and I will pick the two random ladies and guys for the contest. You have 10 minutes to get your name on a piece of paper.” 

With that Park turned the music back up and I sat on the edge of the stage taking names and putting them into a bowl for the ladies and for the guys. The 10 minutes was almost up and Park only had one more song to go. Park knew my love of the AOMG boys so of course he had to throw on a song and I couldn’t help but sing along with it. Bouncing around in my spot as I took names singing every now and then. The song ended and I got up from my spot and took the bowls and danced my way towards the middle of the stage and sat the bowls down. 

“Make some noise for our very own dancer. SARAH!”

I laughed but went with it, I knew most of the songs dance moves and just had some fun with it. The crow was whooping and hollering for me and it fueled me on. I wont lie, I love the feeling I get whenever I’m on a stage. It’s an adrenaline rush really and the more cheering I hear the better the feeling. The music got quieter again and I knew it was time to pick our 4 contestants. 

“Hell yah that was fun! I hope you’re ready to have some fun to cause it’s time to pick our 4 names!!! Let’s let the ladies go first, now I don’t want any sour faces if your name doesn’t get picked!”

I picked up the girls bowl and stuck my hand in making sure to mix all the names around a few times. I grabbed two slips of paper and put the bowl down. 

“ok ladies here it is the two lucky ladies for the night! First off we have Lin Chang, come on up here Lin Chang!!!”

A very energetic woman who I assumed was Lin Chang rushed towards the stage with a fruity drink in hand. She walked up the stairs and stood by me downing her drink. 

“Hey Lin you excited for tonight?”

She grabbed my mic and tried to bounce away with it while she yelled a big hell yah towards the crowd. I quickly grabbed my mic back before she could get to far with it.

“Good to hear Lin. Now for the next lucky lady we have Sue Smith! Sue Smith get your lucky ass down here!”

A woman dressed in the tightest pair of pants I have ever seen came strutting to the stage like she owned it. I knew she would be a favorite for most of the men in the crowd, those pants looked like they were a second layer of skin on her. She winked and blew a kiss to the crowd earning her some whistles and hoots from the males in the club. I just shook my head and grabbed the other bowl that held the guy names.

“Now that we have are two ladies lets pick the guys for tonight!! Ladies while I do that go and let DJ Park know what song you want for tonight, remember you only get two minutes!”

I mixed the bowl and quickly picked two names. This contest was already becoming too long and I wanted to get back to my night off. Park is so going to owe me for this! I thought as I glanced in his direction. I sat the bowl down and prepared to announce the two guys.

“Let’s get this going shall we, the night is still young and we all have some fun that needs to be had! Let’s have Mike Kang and Daniel Nam come down to the stage. Let’s go boys!”

The guy named Mike came rushing the stage, he was average height but a little on the chubby side. The guy name Daniel was tall and you could tell he hit the gym every day. 

“Alright we have our lucky 4, the ladies are all set with their songs so they will go first. Boys if you could go do the same and let DJ Park know what songs you want that would be great. Lin come stand here and Sue stay by the DJ for now.”

Lin walked over to me with that liquid courage still running strong and grabbed the second mic from me.

“Hey DJ Park drop that beat.”

SISTAR “touch my body” started to blast through the speakers and the ever energetic Lin started to dance around the stage having the time of her life! I was at the other end of the stage from the DJ booth just enjoying the show. She had some good dance moves but that liquid courage she has going for her was also causing her to slur her words making the ever popular pop song sound off. The buzzer rang at the end of the two minutes and I walked back to the center.

“woot woot Lin has some moves on her! Lin go walk over to the guys and lets have Sue come on out and show us what she is working with. “

Once Sue was at the center CL “Baddest Female” started up. I shook my head because I knew where this was going. She was going to use her sexiness to win this crowd over. Poor Lin had no chance in hell against Sue. I had to admit she did have a nice voice but the tightness of the pants limited her ability to really dance. The guys especially liked it when she got on all fours and started to hump to the floor. Thankfully the buzzer went off because I could see this going bad when she started to pull at the hem of her shirt. 

“hey hey hey Sue, keep that for the strip joints. Let’s give a round of applause for Sue. Sue go wait with Lin and let’s have Mike come out here.”

Once Mike was at the center ZICO “Eureka” played and the crowd loved it! Mike could sing and the boy could dance. He was working the crowd with his moves and his quick tongue action not missing a single word. I was even getting into it dancing a little bit on the stage. The buzzer went off again and I thanked Mike and welcomed Daniel to the stage. His song of choice was Sik-K “Habibi”. This boy better know what he is doing because this happened to be one of my favorites of his. I was kind of surprised he picked a slower song but he had the body to pull off some of the sexier moves. The guy all of sudden turned towards me and started dancing his way towards me. He grabbed onto me and pulled me into the dance having me grind right back onto his knee that was between my legs. I knew he was a good dancer and maybe it was the booze but I was really feeling this dance. 

“Woo when I found ya lips fuckin wet and I start to kiss im like French im like damn”

I just about lost it when he winked at me after that verse. He let me go and I just stood there dumb founded at what just happened. This boy knew what he was doing that’s for damn sure. I kept moving with the song now that I was alone again at my end of the stage. Everyone was so into the song that no one was watching the clock, his two minutes were up and finally the buzzer sounded but he kept going.

“yeah habibi habibi really, you nasty don’t swallow my kids”

The males in the crows especially liked that he was able to finish that part. 

“ok ok now Daniel, don’t be putting that business out there.”

I gave him a quick pat on the back and everyone laughed.

“So people what did you think of our lucky 4? Can you pick a winner?”

The crowd cheered on.

I put my hand over each of the contestants giving the crowd a chance to pick their winner. As I thought the two with the least amount of cheers was Lin and Mike while the ones with the most were Sue and Daniel. I thanked Lin and Mike and asked them to step back. I had Sue on my left and Daniel on my right. I asked the crowd if Sue was the winner and they all cheered and clapped. I then asked them if Daniel was their winner and the crowd erupted with their cheers and the winner was chosen. I thanked Sue for participating and grabbed Daniel’s hand raising it in the air and crowning him the winner of the night. 

“There yah have it people! We have the winner for the VIP night tomorrow. Daniel my man make your way to the boss man by the bar so he can get your contact info and whatever else he needs. Ladies and gentlemen lets hear it for our little spit fire Sarah who looks like she herself had a little fun! How about you give us your own two minutes of a song, I have the perfect one for you!”

The crowd cheered at Park’s idea but I shook my head ready to get back to my night.

“Oh come on Sarah, boss man says he will make it worth your effort.”

I looked towards the bar where my father figure gave two thumbs up and moved his fingers together telling me I will have some cash coming my way for playing along.

“Fine, fine. You all win. Park you better not have picked something dirty!”

The crowd cheered in excitement and crush’s “give it to me” came on. I mentally made a note to kick Park’s ass later that night when this was over with. The lights got a little dark and a red hue was added to them. That man was going all out for this and probably having fun at my expense. I just went with it. Slowly moving my body with the music making sure my moves matched the music and lyrics. 

“Gonna take you on a ride. Our Skin will touch tonight. Forget about your man for a moment, ooo baby. Lying is bad so I will blame it on the alcohol. Start by taking your clothes, I wanna melt your body.”  
The crowd was loving it! I made sure to do some turns and to give the crowd some attention. I slowly did some body rolls and made sure I dragged my free hand from my breast all the way down to my crotch. I walked down the stage and went into the crowd, they cheered even louder when I did that and started to sing to some ladies in the crowd. I almost dropped my mic when jay’s verse came on and it wasn’t the track vocals that was coming through. Myself and the crowd looked back towards the stage and saw none other than Jay park dropping from behind the DJ booth.  
“Welcome to my bed, baby. Welcome me in between your legs, baby. Tonight, I’ll be your teacher, baby (let’s get it on). Let’s start with some simple math, baby (oh year). First, take off your clothes. Second, separate your smooth legs. Me plus you is a hot night, a sexy night. I’ll never let you go (ooo woo oh oh oh).  
Fight or flight was kicking in but I didn’t want to make a fool of myself. I was a grown ass woman and I was going to own this chance to be on stage with this sex god. I went back up and finished the song. It was so weird to be on stage with him. He oozed sex at the same time was so gentle with his touches. He pulled me into an embrace and we swayed around doing the most erotic dance I have ever done in my lifetime. His embrace was lighting my body on fire, and his smell…..was euphoric. There really was no way to describe his smell, but it only added to the fire burning inside me. If this song didn’t end the moisture between my legs was going to get into my pants and I would die right then and there. Thankfully he let me go and helped me finish out the song. I thought the crowd was loud before but this time it was so loud my ears were starting to hurt. 

“Put your hands together for Jay Park people!”

I clapped along with the rest of the crowd when DJ Park introduced our surprise guest. 

“Thank you, thank you. I hope I didn’t interrupt. Me and the boys were stopping by to talk to your boss and I heard the song and couldn’t help it.”

I blushed a little and my heart sped up with the fact that this man was talking to me. Me a nobody from Chicago!

“Oh no don’t worry! Thank you so much for even coming up here. I don’t compare to the original singer but it’s always a fun song to do. I just hope you all enjoyed it!”

I turned to the crowd in hopes they could save me. We both thanked the crowd and DJ Park turned the music back on as we walked towards his booth to turn in our mics. 

“You know you’re not bad at all with your singing and you really know how to work the crowd.”

“Um thanks Mr Park, it’s always fun being up there. But you probably already know that.”

Lord kill me now before I make a fool of myself!

“Please call me Jay, if you’re not doing anything how about you join me and my guys up in the VIP room?”

What girl in her right mind would reject that offer. I shook my head and followed him towards the stairs that lead to the VIP area. I looked back towards the DJ booth and saw Park give me two thumbs up and a wink. The place was packed still but people parted like red sea for this man and cleared our way to the VIP stairs. With every step I took my heart was racing faster.

Get yourself together Sarah! Don’t make a damn fool of yourself! Just be yourself and make sure to speak clearly and don’t forget to use the formal words if you have to speak Korean! 

Giving myself a pep talk and remembering to breath was starting to become easier. I knew exactly which room he was going to, it was the biggest one we had. I was actually the one in charge of this room on my bartending days or when I was requested as a bouncer. I took pride in the fact that this was my room and I designed it. We walked into the room and my heart skipped a beat. Sitting down without a care in the world were my favorite Korean hip hop artists and producer. When you enter the room you are faced with a big couch that can seat 5 it’s made of leather which would be easy to clean when accidents happened. It was all black with silver stich work that made it sparkle if the lights hit it just the right way. In front of it was a white marble coffee table that had the normal spread of bottled liquor sitting in a chiller and fruit platters laid out. On either side of the couch were winged back chairs also made of leather but these had a mahogany wood work on the arms and around the top of the chair. Sitting in the chair on the left was ChaCha Malone in all his glory, he was taller than I thought but still just as attractive. On the couch near him was Gray sipping on a glass of what looked like orange juice probably mixed with vodka. Behind the couch was Loco looking at the pictures I had displayed of previous VVIP members who have partied here. They were a mixture of fellow musicians or actors, either way it was a great display for us to have out and our way of kind of bragging about the club. I honestly hoped that I would get a picture of these guys to put on our display before they left for the night. Jay walked right in and sat down in the other winged chair across from ChaCha.

“Hey guys this is Sarah, she works here and the one singing down there. Sarah since you sing in Korean let’s keep the conversation also in Korean for the two younger boys. Their English isn’t that good yet”

They each said their hellos and I also said my hellos.

“Jay I’m not sure if the person in charge of your room told you but this is actually a door.”

I grabbed on to the door and started to slide it shut.

“It’s actually a two-way mirror. It’s to give our guests a bit of privacy but still allowing them to enjoy things going on in the club.”

They looked surprised at this and I knew I was going to have to talk to whoever was in charge of the room on my day off. I figured if they didn’t talk about the door then they probably didn’t talk about the rest of the room. I walked over to the tv behind Jay and started to do my normal speech on the room.

“This TV here actually is hooked up to the stage and allows you to watch whatever is going on the stage or you can click and you can see the dance floor. You also have cable access if you need it.”

They all shook their head in understanding and I made my way to the back-left hand corner. I pushed on the diamond that stood out more than the rest of the diamonds that littered the wall. Upon my pushing the wall popped out revealing an emergency access.

“This isn’t something we would show civilians who are renting the room but for our VVIPs we do give you an emergency exit in the event of needing it. This way leads downstairs where only employees can access and right out to the back exit where a car can be waiting if needed. It’s not something that is used that often but when needed it turns out to be extremely helpful.”

“Wow this room is really something else. Who designed it?”

I looked at Loco who was staring at me in aw.

“Actually, I did. We had some cliental come in and they wanted a bit more than what we originally had. I sat down with them and listened to what they would like to see. I then did that with everyone who came in for the rest of the month. I wanted to make sure everyone was happy when they came here. After I had all my info I designed it and gave it to boss man and he went to work on it. I’m really proud of this room and we haven’t had an unhappy customer since.”

I smiled with pride and felt my confidence go up. I could do this. I could be in the same room with these guys and totally be fine. 

“Please sit, you’re not working right now. Take your jacket off and enjoy yourself.”

I thanked Jay and did take my jacket off. I was so lost in everything that had happened I didn’t even think to remove my jacket. It was just a normal black blazer that was a bit shorter and went well with the black jeans I was wearing. I crossed the room to hang it up. My top was a dark red shirt that was completely open in the back. It was tied at the top and hugged my chest while leaving the back open and then hugging my waist. 

“Wow, that’s an interesting tattoo.”

It was ChaCha that spoke this time. He was sitting forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together under his chin. I walked toward them and stopped right in front of the coffee table, not sure if I should sit or stand.

“Oh my tree? Yah it was something I had always wanted to have done. When I was little I really loved cherry blossom trees and use to ask my parents to go buy me one. They would laugh at me and tell me it’s not something we can have here. So when I got older I decided I would finally get my tree and had an artist friend draw it up.”

“Do you have any more tattoos?”

“Gray let the girl sit and have a drink. Please Sarah come and sit here and have something.”

I laughed and walked over to sit on the couch near jay and poured myself a shot of tequila. I had a feeling I would reach my limit with drinking tonight if I didn’t watch myself. I quickly downed my drink and sat the cup back down before sitting back and turning to Gray.

“Actually, I do, I have three more tats but they aren’t visible unless under certain circumstances.”

“Oh really what might those be?”

I turned to Jay and he had a sly smile on his face. I didn’t doubt this is the same smile that many women see when he is trying to charm his way through something. Who could possibly turn down anything when they are faced with that smile, but I wouldn’t be caught up in it. I could play this game too Jay.

“Well the first shot you have of seeing them is if I’m swimming and I was wearing a two piece that is small. The other chance you have is if you become a lover.”

I also put a sly smile on my face before Loco plopped down between me and Gray laughing extremely loud.

“Jay I like this girl, let’s keep her!”

Loco pulled me into a hug and rustled my hair a bit. Everyone started to laugh at his comment and a knock came at the door. I got up and walked to the door and opened it a bit to reveal the head bouncer Bobby.

“Hey Sarah I really hate to do this but I need your help. Some girls came out and said there are two girls fighting in the ladies room. I need you to go down there and break it up. Boss man says whatever you want you can have if you do this. He doesn’t want us guys in there with this fight.”

“Damn it Bobby where is Mary? It’s her day since I’m off?”

“Mary is handling something for the boss man. We need you. Please.”

I felt him before I heard him come up behind me.

“Is something wrong Sarah?”

“Just duty calling Jay, everything is good. I have to go handle something and then I will be right back.”

I pulled my necklace out that held the keys to my cuffs and unlocked them from my belt. 

“I didn’t think those were real.”

“These? Yah they are real Jay, they help scare the rowdy ones and they help me stay safe until backup arives. I will be right back. Bobby right here will take care of you guys until I come back.”

I walked down the stairs and towards the ladies room. I was pissed. Of all the times for a fight to break out it had to be now. I hope these two girls knew it wasn’t going to be pretty for them.

 

Jay

I watched the girl walk away and couldn’t help but become even more curious of her.

“Bobby, come sit and tell us about this Sarah.”

“What would you like to know?”

I sat back in my chair while he stood at attention by me.

“Well how old is she? What exactly is her job here? Just give me a run down.”

“Sarah is 25, she lives alone and has no family. She is the youngest of all the employees and boss man treats her like his daughter. She started off as a bartender here but after she got her black belt boss man started to put her in charge of handling the female altercations to avoid sexual harassment law suits. She also does the MC work when needed and is in charge of the VVIP guests when they come here. She is actually really popular and brings back at least 85% of the people coming in as VIPs. She loves music and when she was bartending she use to do a little song and dance routine with her friend at the bar. The guys really loved it but boss man stopped it after a couple of guys tried to grab her. Now she is only allowed to dance or sing when she is on the stage because it’s easier to keep an eye on her for me and the rest of the bouncers. Anything else you want to know?”

“Does she have a man in her life? Know anything about her future plans or wishes?”

“No man, boss man keeps an eye on her to make sure she stays safe. When he brings up the topic of marrying her off she always threatens to run away. The only future plans I know of is her saving for a trip to Korea. She has always wanted to go there. She grew up here in the community and after her parents died the community took care of her. Some of the older moms have saved up to send her but she doesn’t want to use their money.”

“Why hasn’t she looked into becoming a singer? She has the talent?”

“She has but she isn’t what the American industry wants.”

“Interesting. Thanks bobby. You can go, we will be fine until she returns.”

Bobby bowed and walked out the door closing it.

“Jay what are you thinking?”

“Nothing much Gray, I just have this feeling she could be something with the right help. She won’t get it here.”

“So what you want to help her? Why?”

“I just do gray. I know I shouldn’t but the girl has talent and it needs to be polished. She isn’t what they want here…”

“She won’t be what they want back home either, she isn’t Korean.”

“They don’t need to know that. We could give her a Korean stage name and just test her out on some of the tracks we are working on. See what the people think.”

“Well looks like you have it all planed out. So much for not thinking of much. How are you going to convince her or her boss?”

“I doubt it will take much to convince a girl who has always wanted to go to Korea. Her boss might be a bit harder, I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to let my daughter run off across the world with a group of guys who I don’t know. But I’m sure I can talk him into it. I’m jay park, I wouldn’t be where I am if I didn’t know how to sell an idea.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Sarah**

Some days I couldn’t believe that some women acted the way those two were. I walked into the bathroom and it was in chaos. From what I could understand from the other ladies in the room was that the one of the fighters was the ex-girlfriend and she happened to see her ex with his new girl whom he had cheated on her with. So of course, that meant that she had to follow her into the bathroom and give her a piece of her mind. With the help of the friends I was able to separate the two and explain that they either left on their own or they would be riding in the back of a police car on their way to jail. Thankfully they went with the better option and the ex left while the new girl went to find the man she was with so they could leave. With that little bit of action done I was now on my way back up to the VIP room. As I reached the top of the stairs I could hear the guys laughing at something and it might come off as corny but those laughs were the sweetest carefree laughs I have ever heard.

 

“What’s so funny?”

 

I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me walking back to my spot next to Jay.

 

“Nothing really, Loco was just showing us this video of a guy trying to capture a rodent with his cat. It was pretty funny when he started to scream and the cat was trying to escape but the door was closed.”

 

I looked at Gray not really believing him, it sounded weird to know that Loco would be looking at videos like that. I looked at Loco who was sitting next to me with a big smile on his face that just about reached his eyes. I smiled and shook my head. I guess Loco is the crazy cat video guy out of the group. Most groups of friends always have that one friend who liked to watch crazy cat videos online, I guess I really shouldn’t be surprised that Loco was that friend.

 

“So Sarah, Bobby was filling us in on a little bit of info about you.”

 

My head shot to Jay and he could probably see some anxiety in my eyes, Bobby was like an older brother to me. That man has seen me at my silliest, drunkest, and lowest times of my life.

 

“Oh god, please tell me he didn’t say anything embarrassing about me.”

“No he was pretty straight forward and kept to the basics. Why are there some good stories he has about you?”

 

I started to shake my head and my hands in the air.

 

“No, no good stories there. Nothing that would be interesting.”

“I don’t know, sounds like he might have some good ones based on your reaction. I might have to have a little talk with him.”  
Jay started to get up from his seat and I jumped up and grabbed his arm.

“Now now you don’t want to go bug that man. He is probably busy with something or another. I am an open book really. If you ever wanna know something all you need to do is ask.”

 

Jay smiled and sat back in his chair and I let go of his arm, happy to avoid any kind of embarrassing info being leaked out to Jay. I might never see this man again but he didn’t have to know all the embarrassing stories of my life. Once you get Bobby talking about my embarrassing moments he doesn’t let up, what big brother passes up the chance to make his baby sister cringe away with embarrassment.

 

“Well Sarah, why don’t you tell me why you don’t want to use the help of the other moms? They want to make your dream come true, they want to send you on your dream trip.”

 

_Damn you Bobby._

 

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate their help and the love they have for me, I really am appreciative for everything. I just really want to do it on my own. I would rather they use that money for something for the community then just me. I have just about all the money I need to go now. It’s just finding the right time with work.”

“It’s really refreshing to hear that there are still some young hard-working people in the world who don’t want to just be handed everything. I like that in a person, there are too many people out there who want things but they don’t want to work for them, lots of spoiled people. So I want to throw an idea out there to you.”

 

I tilted my head to the side with a questioning looking on my face.

 

“OK go ahead.”

“So this is our last stop and we will be flying back the day after tomorrow. I would really like it if you flew back with us.”

 

_Did I just hear that right?_

 

I just sat there with my mouth parted with a blank expression on my face, I had no words to say.

 

“See I think you have some raw talent, yes you could use some polishing. What I would like to do is have you come back with us and while we polish you up, we will put you in on some of the tracks we are working on. Of course, we would give you a stage name so that no one knows your identity. It’s a way to get an overall feeling from the fans, to see if they like what you have. Also, while you are there you would of course follow us to some of our performances. You can take some inspiration or ideas from some of our local clubs and bring it back home with you in the event things don’t work out with us. All I ask is a year. Give me a year to work on things with you and get you some exposure. At the end of the year if things turn out well we can go from there and see what you want to do. If things aren’t doing well then you can go back home and better the business here with the ideas you bring back. I really do think you can go a long way in the industry if you just are given a chance. So what do you say?”

 

I shook my head trying to get some kind of train of thought to work and put words together.

 

“WOW, ummm……that’s an amazing offer! I mean I’m kind of at a loss for words right now. It’s a lot to take in. I just don’t know if I can except. It’s really short notice for my boss to just up and leave my job. Part of me really wants to accept and then the other part of me wants to decline. I just don’t know.”

“I totally get it, it’s a lot to spring on you at once. How about this you take the rest of the night to think on it. Me and the guys will be here tomorrow around noon to talk to your boss about our show. I plan on pitching him the idea then too. I understand he is a father in your eyes and I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t have his permission either. So think on it, and meet me back here at noon.”

 

All I could do was shake my head in agreement.

 

“Good, me and the guys are going to call it a night and head back to our hotel. I really hope you take me up on this offer Sarah. I just KNOW you could be something if you only accept my help.”

 

They all stood and I stood up with them. Still in a daze I accepted their hugs and farewells. As they left I fell back in my chair. Not believing what just happened.

 

_I was just offered a job. A dream job. A once in a lifetime job._

 

“What am I going to do?”

 

I said out loud before putting my face in my hands in total confusion. I sat there for I don’t know how long just thinking of everything and nothing. I never would have thought this would happen. I didn’t expect anything from tonight but some fun and laughter. Maybe find a cute guy to flirt with but that’s it. I grabbed at my hair pulling on it a few times.

 

“This won’t do. I need someone to talk to.”

 

I jumped up and grabbed my jacket from the coat rack and threw it on. I checked the time and it was just about last call. I made my way down the stairs and wormed my way into the crowd just trying to make it a straight shot to Park, Chu was too busy at the bar to talk but I could at least maybe talk to Park in between songs or have one of the other guys DJ for a bit. I needed one of my friends right now because I could feel my head wanting to explode from all this thinking. I finally made my way to the booth just as Park announced last call and climbed up into the booth and sat on the bench.

 

“Park I need you, like right now. Have someone else handle the last hour of music.”

 

Park looked back at me and I know he could see the panic in my face and understood that I really did need him right then and there. He must have sent a text to one of the other DJs there because before I knew it another person had joined us in the booth and was taking over. I felt Park grab onto my hand.

 

“Let’s go back by the lockers and talk.”

 

I just nodded my head and let him lead the way through the crowd of people trying to make their way to the bar for their last drink. Once we past the employee door the music got quieter and he walked me over to the couch in the lounge room and sat me down.

 

“Spill Sarah, what happened?”

“I don’t even know if it really happened. If those words came out of his mouth. I mean yeah it did happen and he did say it but at the same time I can’t believe it did.”

“Sarah stop talking in circles and say it.”

“Park he asked me to go back with them! He told me he wants to help me become a singer. That he wants to put me on some tracks with the guys. That he only wants a year and at the end I could stay if things are good or go back home. I don’t know what to do. He is going to come back tomorrow to talk to dad about it. He said to think this over but he really wants me to say yes.”

 

Park shot up from his spot and paced around the room not saying anything. I could see the wheels turning in his head and I needed him to speak. It was hard enough on my own and I need him to shine some of his wisdom onto me.

 

“Park please stop moving and say something, I’m going crazy here.”

 

He stopped moving and sat on the coffee table directly across from me and grabbed my hands in his.

 

“Sarah, I don’t really know what to say right now. I don’t know if I can really trust this guy’s words. I mean we don’t really know him, who he really is. We only know what the media portrays him as and what he puts out there of himself. You would be so far away from us, what if something happened? Me and boss man wouldn’t be able to rush to you and help you. That’s what worries me. That we would have to put your life in the hands of strangers and just hope for the best. I only want what’s best for you. I know you love music and if he does help you I do believe he can make you into something. If you want this you know I will always be there to support you. If anything happens all you need to do is just say the word, one text or one call and I’m on the first plane there to put any punk in their place!”

“What about dad?”

“Don’t you worry about boss man, do you think I would let anything happen to him or this place. Me, Bobby, and Dave will hold down the fort while you are away. So what do you want to do?”

“I’m scarred, like really scarred but I want to do this. I don’t want to have any regrets in my life.”

“Then do it and live your life to its fullest potential.”

 

Park pulled me into a hug and I smiled, this is what I needed. I needed my friend to talk to and have him there to comfort me.

 

“Just don’t forget about me when you become all big and famous over there. Make sure you bring me out and introduce me to some of the cuties out there.”

 

I laughed and pushed him away and punched him in the shoulder.

 

“Always the player.”

 

We both laughed and said our good byes. I grabbed my bag from the locker and ordered my uber home. This was enough for the night and I was mentally exhausted and needed the comfort of my bed and blankets.

The next day I woke feeling the sun on my face and feeling a cool gentle breeze come through the room. The crisp air in my room made me burrow farther into my blankets pulling them closer and trying to wrap myself up in them. Call me crazy but I always had to sleep with my window open just a little bit until it got too cold in the year. I liked the noise from the street below, it helped me sleep. Yeah it sucked when the random drunk people would be yelling but for the most part my area wasn’t that crazy. The majority of the people in my area were older and it was either restaurant or little shops. I stayed in bed second guessing if I was making the right choice, still not 100% sure if this was going to end up ok. Before I could talk myself out of it I pushed the covers back and rolled out of bed. I did my normal morning routine of getting washed up and making my bed before I grabbed a breakfast sandwich and popped it in the microwave. I rarely ever sat down to eat an actual breakfast. Working late nights meant I often slept in and woke up too late to actually eat a well-rounded breakfast. I ate my sandwich and grabbed my helmet, bag and keys. It was supposed to be a nice day with no chance of rain, it only made sense to take my bike out since who knows when the next time I will have a chance to ride it.

I arrived a little after 12:30 and parked my bike in the lot. I took my helmet off and sat there on my bike looking up at the building. Just thinking back on the memories of my first time showing up here when I was 20. I was just needing a job and my neighbor below me knew of a place needing someone to do some cleaning before they opened every day. It was just after my parents passed away and I need something to help support me through my schooling. I was so happy boss man took me in and not only gave me a job but any time I was in a jam he was the one there to help me out. He quickly became the father I needed and the people her became the family I was missing. Now here I am about to say good bye and go off on my own adventure, I just hope I was making the right choice. I walked into the club and saw the clean up crew and the set up staff working on making sure everything was perfect for tonight’s performance.

 

“Hey Sarah!”

 

I looked over to the bar where my dad’s best friend and promoter Dave sat. I walked over to him and bumped shoulders.

 

“What’s up Dave, how’s things going here? Everything looking ok for tonight?”

“Of course, you know it. I have everything just about in order and it will only need the approval from the main guy on if he likes it.”

“Good to hear. Is my dad here?”

“Yeah he is in his office with the man of the hour.”

“Thanks Dave.”

 

I gave him a pat on the back and walked towards the employee door. His office is on the second floor that is only accessible in the back. He liked being able to see everything going on in the club so it sat right in the back corner giving him the view of the whole club. I walked up the back stairs and stood at his door with my hand raised. I hesitated to knock, second guessing myself. I stepped back and stood against the wall playing with the ring my dad gave me on my 21st birthday, that’s when I started to call him dad outside of the working hours.

 

“Sarah sweetheart you always do this when you are nervous to tell me something.”

 

I didn’t even hear his office door open. I looked up and my father was standing there with such a warm smile on his face. He was right, whenever I was nervous to tell him something I would stand against this wall trying to build up the courage to knock on his door.

 

“Hi dad.”

 

I walked up to him and gave him a big hug before I went into his office and he closed the door behind us. Sitting across from his desk was Jay Park dressed to the nines in some nice jeans and very nice dress shirt. I gave him a smile and sat down in the open chair next to him.

 

“Good afternoon Sarah.”

“Hey Jay, have a good night?”

“Yeah it was good, we went back to the hotel and watched a few movies.”

 

I smiled, crazy to believe that this party boy actually stayed home watching movies.

 

“So Sarah, Mr. Park here pitched an interesting idea to me. Says he wants to take my only daughter across the world and away from the only home she has ever known. Says he wants to help you with your music career and get your name out there. Mr. Park is only asking for a year, a year away from your family. This man who hasn’t even known you for 24 hours wants you to pack your things and board a plane with him to go on some kind of musical adventure. What do you think of this?”

 

I knew my dad wasn’t going to be very happy with this. I really was his only daughter, his wife and child died in child birth years ago. He can be overly protective at times but he only has my best interest at heart.

 

“Yeah he talked to me last night about it dad. I spent the night think this over and it was really hard to come to a decision.”

 

I paused taking some deep breaths and trying to calm my racing heart. I haven’t been this nervous since I told him I wanted to get my motorcycle license.

 

“Dad, I want to do this. I want to see what I can do. I know if I stay here I will end up in some office job or helping you with the business. It’s not that I don’t want to work with you but I really want to see what I can do with my passion.”

 

I looked at my dad and I swear this man has the best poker face, you can’t get anything from him.

 

“Sarah, could you go wait outside please. Let me have a little time to talk to Mr. Park here.”

 

I stood up and walked out the door and sat on the floor against the wall.

 

**Jay**

I heard the door close and was left alone with this man. I have been in many situations when I was pitching an idea, but I always knew that it would end well. Yet in this exact moment I had no idea how this was going to turn out. Mr. Kim is not someone I ever want to gamble with, I have been trying to read his face this whole time and I can’t get any kind of feel on him.

 

“It would seem that you have bewitched my daughter Mr. Park. My Sarah is very precious to me, she came in my club looking for any kind of work after her parents died. She was a small little thing that looked like the world would eat her whole if it had the chance. Over the years I have watched Sarah grow and become this smart, strong, beautiful young lady who would make any dad proud. I know Sarah has a passion for music, that girl is always dancing around here with a tune in in her heart. I don’t want to stand in the way but I also don’t want to see her get hurt.”

“Mr. Kim, I promise you she won’t get hurt. My company will make sure she is well taken care of.”

“I know you have the best intentions here with this offer Mr. Park. As a businessman, I want to trust you with your words. Yet as a father I don’t know if I can trust you. See my Sarah here hasn’t had much experience with men, she is a shy little thing. Pure as the day she was born, or that’s how I like to see her. That’s how any father would like to see their daughter. If I let you take my daughter back with you I need your word not as a businessman but as a MAN that you won’t let ANY harm come to my daughter. Not just in the physical sense but emotionally too. She is still too young to know the sting that comes with love. Can you promise me that?”

“Yes Mr. Kim, I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to keep her safe in all ways.”

“Then it looks like we have a deal.”

 

Mr. Kim stood and reached out his hand to shake on our agreement. I reached my hand out to meet his and we shook. Just as I was about to take my hand away he tightened his grip. I looked from my hand to his face and saw the most terrifying glare being directed at me.

 

“I hope we really do have an understand Mr. Park. If anything happens to my daughter you won’t have a single stone to hid under. I have friends and family all over the world Mr. Park, with one word from me and any pain you have ever felt before will have felt like a papercut compared to the pain I will make sure is inflicted on you.”

 

With the final threat, he released my hand back to me and smiled. Mr. Park the businessman had returned and the threatening father had retreated back inside.

 

“On your way out if you could please send my daughter in.”

 

With that I was dismissed and he sat back in his chair. I smiled and bowed before walking towards the door. I opened it and Sarah looked up at me with a worried expression on her face. I smiled to show everything was alright.

 

“Your father would like a word with you.”

 

She jumped up and walked over to me and we swapped places in the doorway.

 

“Close the door Sarah and come have a seat.”

 

The second she closed the door I let out a long breath and clenched my fist and opened it repeatedly trying to get circulation back in my hand. I now understood why she didn’t have a man in her life, her dad probably scared all of them away. I took one more glance at the door and then made my way downstairs to go over the final items for the show.

 

**Sarah**

I walked over to my dad’s desk and sat across from him again. He was looking at a picture of us that we had taken last Christmas.

 

“I’m going to miss you this year. We won’t be together to take another one.”

 

I could feel a lump building in my throat when he said that. I was going to miss him so much.

 

“Who knows dad, I could maybe come back for the holidays.”

 

I tried to fight back the tears that were forming in my eyes and to swallow the lump that was starting to get bigger.

 

“I don’t think you will. You will be too busy with work and making your dream come true. The holidays won’t be the same without you here to keep an eye on your old man. Who’s going to make sure I don’t drink too much at the party?”

 

The tears I was holding back fell and the damn was opened. I got up from my chair and rushed to my dad and fell in his lap. I cried. I cried for the things I would miss. Not just the big things but the small things. Making sure he was taking his vitamins every morning. Making sure he was eating all three meals. Making sure he wasn’t picking up his nasty smoking habit again. I cried knowing we won’t be having a gangster movie marathon on thanksgiving. All of the things that became a routine in the past years won’t be there this year.

 

“Don’t cry Sarah. Everything will be ok.”

 

My dad held me while I cried and he rubbed my back.

 

“I won’t go dad, just say the word and I will stay. I can run the business and we can open another club.”

“No sweetheart, you need to do this. Don’t live your life with regrets.”

 

He pulled me away from him and brushed my tears away with his thumb. I tried to smile as best I could and to stop crying. Looking at the man through my blurry teary eyes I can see how old he has gotten the past few years. Now I was really starting to second guess this.

 

“Don’t turn back Sarah. Go. Go and make your dreams come true. Show them what you can do. If things don’t turn out well in a year then come home. If those boys pick on you then you better call me and I will make sure to set them straight. If a boy tries to pressure you in any way you better call me and I will make sure he is taken care of. If things go squirrely I want you to call me and I will come on the first plane to get you. I want you to live your life but I don’t want you hurt.”

 

I laughed at him and his jokes.

 

“I’m serious Sarah, you better call me if anything happens. I will always have my phone on.”

“What about the club? You can’t just take off.”

“Don’t you worry about the club, I can leave that in Dave’s hands if need be.”

“Dad.”

“Don’t dad me. I want you to promise me that you will call me if anything happens.”

“I promise dad.”

 

I threw my arms around him and hugged him tight.

 

“Now that this topic is settled you best get downstairs and help with anything that is needed. I want to make sure all the orders are in and that the VIP rooms have everything they requested. After that I want you and Bobby to go over everything with the other bouncers. I want everything to be 110% on point tonight. There will be no room for errors with this event.”

“Yes sir.”

 

I gave him a kiss on the cheek and hopped off his lap and walked out the door. I closed his office door and closed my eyes to collect myself. I walked downstairs and stopped by the washroom to splash some cold water on my face.

 

“You’re really doing this Sarah.”

 

I said to myself in the mirror. I grabbed the bottle of eye drops from inside the basket and dropped a couple of drops in each eye. No need to go out there and give it away that I was crying. Now that I was composed I set to my tasks. I did just as my dad asked. I made sure all the booze orders were in and the bar was well stocked. I made sure all the request for the VIP rooms were in order. I didn’t see Jay around so I figured he had given Dave the ok of everything. By the time everything was done with it was about 7, it was time to have a meeting with the bouncers for the night. Bobby met me at the stage and we waited for the rest of the team to assemble.

 

“Heard a rumor going around.”

“Oh a rumor? Anything good and juicy?”

“Yeah, sounds like you are leaving us Sarah.”

 

I looked at Bobby, amazed that word had already spread and its only been decided a few hours ago.

 

“Wow, that was quick.”

“Someone overheard boss man and Dave talking about it.”

“Yeah its true. I’m actually leaving tomorrow.”

“Man that’s crazy Sarah, but I wish you all the best.”

 

Bobby pulled me into one of his big bear hugs.

 

“Hey now hands off my woman!”

 

I pulled away to see Park standing next to Hua.

 

“Oh shut it Park.”

 

I laughed and walked off the stage to give him and Hua a hug.

 

“Hey girl, I heard you’re leaving.”

“Sure am Hua, I’m finally going on that adventure I always wanted to take.”

“Promise to be safe and to call or facetime me.”

“Of course, who else will I be able to complain to?”

 

Hua hugged me even tighter. I was really going to miss our girl sessions. I waved them off as the rest of the team had arrived and it was time for our meeting. We explained where everyone would be stationed. It was an all hands-on deck kind of night. We even have two police officers on hand in case of anything getting out of hand. Everyone was all set with their radios and in uniform for the night, except me. I ran back to the locker room and quickly changed. Just as I was walking back out my dad was walking down from his office.

 

“It’s just about time to open the doors. Let’s get everyone together really quick.”

“Sure thing boss man.”

 

We both laughed and walked back out and called for an all crew meeting. I walked with my dad to the stage and followed him up. On his right was Bobby and me on the left.

 

“Ok listen up here people, tonight is going to be jam packed to the walls with people. I don’t need anything going wrong so you all have to be on your game tonight. There will be no exceptions being made tonight. I want all pat downs and wandding done to the T. There are no second chances tonight, if someone acts up or something starts up then you need to get them out of here. I get things will be intense but people remember that we are here to give a good time but also to keep the customers safe. The police will be here if needed but it is up to us to make sure it doesn’t get to that point. Make sure to work together!”

 

Everyone nodded in approval and I just hopped nothing too crazy would happen.

 

“On another note, I know it’s already gotten out but I wanted to touch on this topic. This will be Sarah’s last night with us. She is growing up and leaving the nest to spread her wings and achieve everything she always wanted. I need everyone to keep this internal. This is not to be leaked out to anyone outside of this room. If I find out you are a leak and this info gets out I will terminate your employment. I doubt anyone would say anything and put Sarah in jeopardy, would they?”

 

My dad stared everyone down in that room to make sure they knew he wasn’t messing around. I want to say he was going overboard but he was right. This couldn’t get out right now, it would mess up Jay’s plans for me.

 

“Now that that’s settled everyone back to your station and let’s open the doors.”

 

Everyone hurried to where they were supposed to be. Me and Bobby as well hurried to where we needed to be. We were the ones in charge of making sure Jay and his team had everything they needed and that their security team was taken care of and was informed on everything. It was about 8pm and Jay and his crew were set to arrive at 8:30 and performing at 9.

 

“Excited Sarah?”

“Of course I am, tonight is going to be great!”

“Not just about tonight but about you leaving.”

“To be honest Bobby, I’m fucking scared. I won’t have dad around or Park or Hua. I will be alone.”

“Just know that even if I’m thousands of miles away Sarah, I’m just a phone call away. If you are too scared to talk to your dad or if Park and Hua don’t pick up just call me. My phone will always be on and I will always answer for you.”

“Thanks Bobby, but hey who knew you were such a softie.”

 

I gave him a quick punch to the shoulder and we both had a good laugh.

 

“Just don’t go be telling the ladies that. A man has to protect his reputation still.”

 

At that I busted out laughing and Bobby’s phone chirped.

 

“They are 15min out. Let’s go meet them at the back door.”

 

We made our way to the back doors that would allow Jay and his crew access to the club and a direct shot to the backstage area that would house them until the performance was over. The backstage rooms weren’t as nice as the VVIP room since most of the people who came were locals and the bigger names only came to perform and were gone just as quick. Sure enough 15 minutes later and three escalades pulled up. The one in the front had security who jumped out and the truck pulled away. The one in the middle held Jay and Cha Cha. Once they were out their truck pulled off and the last truck pulled up and out jumped Gray and Loco.

 

“Good evening gentlemen, if you would follow me I will show you to the back-stage rooms.”

 

Jay, Gray, and Cha Cha followed closely behind Bobby with their security standing at attention. Loco was the straggler who held back to walk with me.

 

“Looks like we get to keep you Sarah.”

 

I shook my head and laughed at his joke.

 

“Looks like you got your wish after all.”

“Don’t worry, we will take good care of you. You just gained the best big brothers a girl could ever ask for!”

“Somehow I feel like you might be one of those big brothers who like to prank the baby sister.”

“It’s always in good fun. Don’t worry, I will hold off on my pranks until you get accustomed to things there.”

 

I thanked him and we finished our walk to the rooms in silence. Bobby opened the doors and allowed Jay and his team entry but stayed back to talk to his security detail. I entered the room and asked if they needed anything. Jay was sitting down in a chair with his earbuds in.

 

“I think we are all good here Sarah. Don’t worry about Jay, he is usually talkative but I think he is a bit nervous tonight. He wants to make a good impression on your old man.”

“It’s you two who should be relaxing and making sure you are all set. This is our last stop and your last chance to make an impression on the American fans.”

 

Jay stood and pointed at both Gray and Loco.

 

“Don’t worry so much Jay, me and Gray got this.”

 

Loco plopped down in the chair next to Jay and took a drink from a water bottle.

 

“Sarah can I talk to you for a second.”

“Sure Jay.”

 

We walked away from the group of guys and sat in some other chairs.

 

“So are you sure you want to do this. You can always back out.”

“No I want to do this Jay.”

“Ok, good to hear. So then tomorrow we are on a flight out at 3pm. Will that be enough time for you to pack? We got your ticket and everything.”

“Yeah that’s more than enough time to pack. Where will I be staying while I’m there?”

“When we first get there you will be staying at my place. I hope you’re ok with that? My apartment is the only one with a spare bedroom. We can look for a place for you later, it will just be easier to keep things on the down low. Plus you won’t know your way around so it will be best to have someone around you that knows the ins and outs of things there.”

“No that’s fine. I mean it’s not like this was planned out or anything.”

“We will take care of you so don’t worry too much. Things will be great and I promise you will have fun!”

 

I smiled and Jay got up to go be with the boys. A few minutes later Bobby came in to announce it was time. The guys got up and followed Bobby to behind the stage with their security team flanking them. I followed behind their team.

 

_It was show time._


	3. Chapter 3

** Sarah **

 

Watching Jay Park perform on youtube videos is nothing like the real thing. Watching him jump around the stage and hearing his voice in person is just amazing! I was positioned on the right front hand corner of the stage watching the audience lose their mind over this man’s performance. Jay’s security detail stayed in the back and Bobby was on the opposite end of the stage from me. That way if anything were to go down we both would have the perfect chance to jump in and stop it from getting out of hand. The crowd was loving every second of the performance, Gray and Loco were also doing their own songs tonight and I could see the crowd feeling their songs as well. I didn’t doubt that they would do well with gaining some American fans on their tour, the ladies especially were eating up every second of Gray who was out there teasing them with his performance. I could see why these three were so close, they hand many similarities but at the same time they had their own unique differences that made them stand out when they were all together. Before I knew it, the performance was winding down with one last song and of course Jay was out there performing his panty dropping song Mommae. This man was glistening with sweat and even with him wiping down with a towel he still looked sexy as fuck dancing around. The crowd was bouncing around with him and singing along with his words. When Jay went into his body rolls the ladies pushed forward and we all had to be on our toes to make sure they didn’t try anything stupid.

 

“Sarah behind you.”

 

I heard Bobby’s voice come through my ear piece. I quickly turned around and saw a girl try and squeeze through me and a bannister to get to the backstage. I grabbed her by her shoulder to stop her from going any further.

 

“Sorry but you can’t go back there.”

 “Aw come on, just look the other way. I won’t do anything. I just want to get a quick peek back there.”

 “No.”

 

I spun her around and she tried to push back thinking she could out power me and get back there. I stood my ground and she tried to elbow me in my stomach. This girl had some balls to try and fight me to get back there. I grabbed one arm and twisted it behind her back holding her firmly in her place. With my free hand I radioed for one of the other female bouncers to come and escort her out of the building. Jay was just finishing up his song when I had handed the girl off to my partner and was thanking the crowd.

 

“Thank you all for coming out here to support me and the AOMG crew. We hope that you will continue to support the crew with our future projects as we have some amazing things in the works right now and something that might surprise you.”

 

He said that last part with a smile on his face and looked in my direction. I couldn’t help but smile because I had a feeling he was talking about me being the surprise, I just hope it would be good. They all bowed together and left the stage heading to the back. The crowd started to break up from the dance floor, some of them heading for the door and some heading for the bar. Bobby and I both watched our side of the stage as we made our way to the back area. We did a swoop and made sure no one had snuck past us and Jay’s team before we went to the back room. I knocked before entering and Bobby stayed by the door guarding it with Jay’s team.

 

“You guys were great! The crowd really loved it!”

 “Hey thanks Sarah!”

 

I looked at Loco who was sitting sideways on one of the chairs with a bottle of cold water against his face. He was clearly exhausted and hot from the performance.

 

“Is there anything you guys need right away?”

 “No, we are fine. Could you tell them to call the drivers to come and get us? We should head back to the hotel and wash off.”

 “Sure thing Jay.”

 

I turned around and opened the door and informed the head of Jay’s security that they would like to be picked up now. I looked back at the boys and informed them that their drivers should be here in 10 minutes. I gave them a bow and went to wait with Bobby and give them some time to relax before they left.

 

“When do you leave Sarah?”

“Tomorrow at 3. I have to go right home and start packing my stuff.”

“Don’t forget your promise, if anything happens you better call me or one of the others. I don’t care what time of day!”

 

I nodded my head and felt Bobby give my hand a quick squeeze. I didn’t want to look him in the face because I was trying to make sure I wasn’t crying anymore today. I was going to miss everyone here but I had to keep looking towards the future if I was really going to get on that plane tomorrow. I shook my head to rid myself of the thoughts on what was to come and concentrated on my job making sure the crazy fans didn’t get to jay. The head of Jay’s security informed us that the trucks were pulling up now and they left along with Bobby to control the fans that were trying to make it around the building to the back doors. I informed Jay that the trucks were here and they came out of the room. They still looked a little tired and I could only imagine how happy they were to finally be going home after being gone for so long.

 

“See you at the airport Sarah.”

 

Loco bumped my shoulder and Gray gave me a small smile before they got into their truck. Cha Cha also gave me a smile and climbed into the other truck. Jay walked up to the open door and paused. He turned around with a smile on his face.

 

“Don’t over think it Sarah. This move is going to be a good one either way. I have a good feeling about this. See you tomorrow.”

 

With that he jumped into his truck and the AOMG crew left. The crowd was screaming out their love for them but all I could think of was that my future was not certain but I was going to make the best of it. My phone vibrating in my pocket brought me to my senses.

 

Unknown number: I mean it Sarah, don’t over think this. Put your trust in me and I will take you to places you couldn’t imagine! Now hurry home and pack then get some sleep.

 

Sarah: Jay?

Unknown number: Who else would this be lol?

 

I laughed and programed his number into my phone, not exactly sure how he got around to getting number without me knowing.

 

Jay: Goodnight Sarah.

Sarah: Goodnight Jay.

 

I put my phone back in my pocket and walked over to the door where Bobby was still waiting for me. I smiled at him and we went back into the club. There were still a couple of hours left before we closed for the night, since it was an event night the only thing that would be handled tonight after closing would be the till balancing and making sure the booze and food was properly put away. On Sundays is when we would clean up after a special performance night.

 

“Sarah boss man wants you up in his office.”

 

I heard one of the other bouncers’ radio in, I wasn’t sure what he wanted but I made my way through the crowd to the employee door. The place was still packed but not as bad as it was before. Park was up in the DJ booth doing his thing and Hua was behind the bar handling her work. I was really going to miss this place. I went past the door and up the stairs and knocked on my dad’s door before entering.

 

“You called for me?”

“So the plane leaves at 3 tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

“I want you to take off now and get home so you can pack.”

“Why it’s still really busy?”

“It will be fine Sarah, we still have all the extra hands so things will be fine. Go home and start packing what you need to take with you. Anything you can’t bring I can ship later if you need it. You need to sleep because we both know how crabby you will be on the plane tomorrow even if it’s an afternoon flight.”

 

He was right, if I didn’t sleep good the night before a flight I would be super crabby. Tomorrow’s flight will be long, we will fly from Chicago to California and catch a connecting flight to Korea. It wouldn’t be my first overseas trip as I had taken a trip with my parents after my high school graduation to London and again I took one with my dad here to Ireland just after I graduated community college. This would be my first overseas trip without any family and it was going to be weird.

 

“Go home kid. Get some sleep and I will be by to get you at 1 to take you to the airport.”

“You’re going to drop me off dad?”

“Of course, that’s a silly question. What dad wouldn’t make sure their daughter is safely on her way.”

“Or are you coming to give a final threat to them?”

 

My dad laughed at that clearly caught with his true intentions.

 

“I promise to be on my best behavior.”

 

With that he stood and walked around his desk and took me into a big hug.

 

“Go get ready Sarah.”

 

I nodded and hugged him back before I turned to leave his office. I quickly changed and made sure to take my pictures out of my locker, those were coming with me. They were pictures of me with my friends, I didn’t want to think of the goodbyes we would have and really wanted to try and escape the club without running into them. The waterworks would surely start if that happened. I shut my locker and turned just as the employee door opened with Park and Hua walking in.

 

“You weren’t going to leave without saying goodbye, were you?”

 

I smiled and dropped my bags before pulling them into a hug.

 

“You caught me, call me a bad friend but I didn’t want to say goodbye.”

“It’s not a goodbye, it’s a see you later.”

 

Park was right, I won’t see this as a goodbye but a see you later. Goodbyes were so final and this wouldn’t be the last time I would see them.

 

“Yeah girl, you better not forget to call and facetime us! If I don’t hear from you at least once a week I’m going to smuggle myself onto a plane and come find you!”

“You better listen to Hua Sarah, this girl is so small she could probably fit in someone’s luggage”

 

I pulled away and we all laughed. I could see the tears forming in both of their eyes and feel mine coming.

 

“I won’t forget to call or facetime. You two have to promise to make sure you take care of my dad. Make sure he stays on top of his meds and make sure he doesn’t start smoking again.”

“Don’t worry Sarah, we will keep a close eye on him. So you just worry about the future and work on getting everything you want out of it!”

 

I smiled at Hua, I was really going to miss that girl. I picked my bag up off the floor and kissed them both on their cheek before walking out of the club. I didn’t look back and kept going right to my bike. If I looked back now I might waiver on this and I didn’t want that.

 

When I got home I grabbed a couple of boxes from the neighbor downstairs and put some items in there that I wanted my dad to ship to me. Just some picture frames that would keep me from being to home sick. I put a couple of stuff bears in there, call me a child but these were from my parents and I never stay in a new place without them. I then put in a couple of blankets, one was a shirt quilt that me and Hua made together and another was fuzzy tie blanket that Park had given me as a Christmas present. I wanted to make sure I had stuff there that would make me feel like I was home. What I packed in my luggage was just clothes I needed, a small photo album, and other basic items. I was going to miss this little apartment but I was also excited for this new chapter in my life. With everything packed I changed into some pajamas and climbed into bed. Tomorrow was going to be a new start for me and I had to make sure I got enough sleep.

 

I woke up to my alarm going off and the sound of the busy neighborhood. I got up and went in search of some clothes I didn’t pack that I could wear on these long flights. I made sure that all my electronics were being charged while I was getting ready. I didn’t want to be stuck on a flight without something to do when it was going to hours to even get to Korea. I took my time in the shower letting the hot water hit my neck and shoulders helping me relax and not to stress out over this. As I was drying off and getting dressed a thought struck me.

 

_Who was going to pack up my place and put all my stuff into storage?_

I hurried at that thought and just threw my wet hair up in a messy bun. If it was anyone but Park and Hua who was going to pack up my apartment I needed to get rid of some things. I quickly ran around the apartment with a plastic bag trying to make sure I found every single condom I had hidden around. Me and Hua were drunk one night and decided to hide them like Easter eggs and in the event that I had a guy over I would be able to grab one from any spot in the apartment. Once I had grabbed as much as I could find I ran to my closet and pulled out my trunk, it was my naughty trunk. I opened it and threw the plastic bag inside and then stopped. I was looking at all my sexy undergarments and thought that maybe just maybe I should pack a couple of them. Who knew if I might actually need them, I was still young so why shouldn’t I be able to enjoy some fun. I grabbed a black cinch bag and tossed in a couple of corsets with their matching pieces, and a couple of teddies. I was about to close my trunk and then I thought that maybe I might not be able to meet some guys and then I would be left alone and sexually frustrated. I didn’t need that kind of frustration in my life and figured I should bring a few friends along for the adventure and tossed a couple of my favorite vibrators into the cinch bag. Now that I had that out of the way I closed the trunk and threw on a padlock to keep anyone other than Hua out. I threw the cinch bag inside one of the suitcases and made sure to hide it in the clothes. I was laughing the whole time because this would be my first time traveling with vibrators and I couldn’t help but picture the faces the TSA agents would make if they decided to go through THAT particular suitcase. I looked over to the clock and saw that it was 12:45 and my dad would be pulling up at minute. I packed up all my electronics in my carry on and put a toiletry bag inside so that I could freshen up on the longer flight if I needed. I grabbed my hoodie and made sure that I had my passport and the rest of my important documents with me. I heard a honk and looked outside to see my dad was here. I took one more glance around the apartment and said a silent goodbye in my head.

 

Just as I was locking the door I heard my dad call from behind me.

 

“Do you have everything?”

 

I turned to him with a smile.

 

“Of course I do dad. I do have a box inside that I need you to ship to me, I labeled it SHIP ME so you can’t miss it.”

“Sure thing. Now let me help you with your bags.”

 

We each took a suitcase and went down to his car to load them up. The drive to the airport was spent in a comfortable silence, we both never felt the need to fill silence with unwanted conversations. It didn’t take too long to get to the airport and before I knew it we were walking in and looking for Jay and the guys. The airport wasn’t that busy and we found them pretty quickly.

 

“Jay!”

 

I shouted and threw a hand in the air. He gave me a nod and the boys started walking towards us.

 

“Hey Sarah, do you have everything?”

 

I rolled my eyes and nodded.

 

“Sure do.”

 

Jay handed me my ticket and I pulled out my passport to slid it in.

 

“Well if you are ready we should get going.”

“One sec.”

 

I pulled my dad back to have a little privacy.

 

“So here are the keys to my apartment and my bike. Can you please promise me that you won’t sell her? Also there is a trunk inside for Hua, the key for it is on the keychain. Give ONLY her that key please.”

“I never did like you having that bike, but don’t worry I will store it and make sure its ran every other month to keep it from going bad. But here I got you something.”

 

My dad reached into his pocket and pulled out a black box and handed it to me. I opened it the box and inside was a locket necklace.

 

“Dad you didn’t have to get me anything.”

 

He grabbed the necklace from me and went behind me to put it on.

 

“I wanted to make sure you knew that even if me and your parents aren’t there with you physically that you know we are there with you in spirt.”

 

I lifted the locket and opened it to reveal a picture on each side, one of my parents together and one of my dad on the other side. I shut the locket and threw my arms around his neck and let the tears fall.

 

“Thank you dad I love it!”

“Don’t be crying now, you have this amazing adventure in front of you. Run towards it with a spring in your step and a smile on your face. Just don’t forget to call your old man every now and then so I know everything is ok. Also don’t forget to call me the minute things go squirrely and I will come get you!”

 

I pulled back and nodded while I wiped the tears from my eyes. With our farewell over we walked back towards Jay and the guys.

 

“Mr. Park I hope you keep in mind what we discussed the other day.”

“Of course.”

 

Jay extended his hand and my father grasped it a little too tightly from what I could see and shook it. I gave my dad one more kiss on the cheek before we went to check our bags.

 

“Your dad has a nice firm handshake.”

 

I laughed at Jay’s comment and asked him if he was ok.

 

“I’m good, it’s a good thing for a business man to have a nice firm handshake. So for this first flight we weren’t able to get you a seat with the rest of us but for the long flight back home I was able to find you one with us. Will you be ok?”

“Don’t worry about me, I have my laptop and books to keep me entertained.”

 

Going through the security check was always interesting. Sometimes you had some pretty laid-back people doing the checks and sometimes you had some super strict individuals. Today was pretty laid back and we were able to get through security without any problems. The flight from Chicago to LA wasn’t that interesting. The boring introduction of the flight staff about how to properly buckle a seat belt, what to do in case of emergency, and the information about how long our flight would be. About 3 hours later and we were safely touching down in LA.

 

Once we were all off the plane Jay told me we had to haul ass to catch the connecting flight to Korea. LA was a lot warmer then Chicago and by the time we got to the gate for our flight I was sweating and wishing I had taken off my hoodie but didn’t even get a chance to as they were already seating people in our section. This plane was super nice! The chairs were all egg shaped and you were able to fully extend them so you could lay down and sleep if you wanted to. They also gave you complimentary slippers so you didn’t have to have your shoes on. I had Jay on one side and Gray on the other with Loco and ChaCha. Again, I heard the same introduction as before but this time there was extra stuff to explain how to use everything in front of me. I had a little miniature tv, a little lamp, a pop up mirror, and outlets to charge my stuff if needed. The chair wasn’t all that uncomfortable either and I figured maybe for once I would be able to sleep on a plane. The flight from LA to Korea would be roughly 13 hours and we would be getting an inflight meal. The plane took off an we were finally in the air when the buckle light turned off and Jay stood up.

 

“So how does it feel to finally be on a plane heading to a place you have always wanted to visit?”

“Surreal. Like I know it’s happening but at the same time I feel like I’m dreaming and at some point, my alarm will go off and I will be back home.”

“Yeah, I know that feeling. But this is really happening, you are going to finally get your shot at being an artist. I have a couple of songs that we are working on right now and it requires a female singer for some verses. I’m going to send you the files of the beat and the lyrics and I want you to go over them and see what you think. I know I should probably let you rest and enjoy the flight but the minute we touch down its going to be game time. We should land around midnight there so I will take you back to my place and let you get settled in and maybe get some sleep.”

 

All I could do was nod my head, I mean I knew things would be busy but I wasn’t expecting it to be busy right off the bat.  Jay sat back down and I opened my laptop to connect to the Wi-Fi so I could get his email. Jay was prompt with sending the email and I opened up the word document and song, I reached in my bag and grabbed my headphones and before I could put them on Gray was at my side.

 

“Hey if you feel overwhelmed at all let me know. You aren’t use to this and I can’t say I’m surprised that Jay is just throwing things at you already. I helped with this song so please let me know and I would be happy to help you.”

 

He smiled at me and went back to his seat. The song had a nice beat to it and the lyrics were pretty good. After listening to it and reading through the lyrics I knew this song would do really well for club scene, hell it got me hyped just reading the lyrics. I sent Jay a reply back saying I liked it and I was excited to get started on it. The rest of the flight was spent watching dramas and movies while I had the chair laid out in the bed form. Somewhere during the movie of “The Art of Seduction” I fell asleep.

 

** Jay **

We still had another 4 hours until we were to land at Incheon and I was ready to be off this plane. The plane was pretty much silent except for these cute little snores and grunts coming from the sleeping form in the chair next to me. I closed my laptop and sat it to the side so I could stand up. I walked over to the girl and crouched down so I was lower to her sleeping body. She was very cute when she was sleeping. Her lips were parted a little bit and she looked like she was having a fun dream because she would smile every few seconds. I reached out and grabbed her laptop closing it and putting it on the side of her so she wouldn’t drop it. The cabin in the plane was getting rather cold so I asked one of the attendants for another blanket so I could cover her up more. No need for her to get sick when we haven’t even started. After I laid the blanket out over her I stood and turned towards the guys to make sure they were all good. I thought they were all sleeping but Gray was laying with his head propped up by his hand.

 

“Everything all good Jay?”

“Yeah I was just making sure she didn’t break her laptop.”

“uh huh. Don’t worry so much about things. She will do great on this song and it will be another hit just wait and see. I mean I’m producing this one so of course it will be a hit!”

 

I laughed a little at his comment because this guy was getting cocky with his music. He didn’t show that side around the fans or media but when it was just us he liked to get cocky every now and then.

 

“Honestly I think I’m more excited for making the MV for this song. I already have some ideas for it and I think it will be the perfect time to introduce her to the fans. I feel like once they get over that she isn’t Korean they will like her. I mean she is cute and with the right concept I think she will be a hit.”

 

I couldn’t agree more with him but when he mentioned that she was cute I felt a bit of anger or maybe jealousy. I wasn’t really sure what that feeling was but it was gone just as quickly as it came. I went back to my seat and put it in its bed form and decided to try and get some sleep.

 

** Sarah **

I woke up when I heard the ding and the lights had turned on. They were announcing that we would beginning our decent soon and they wanted the chairs in the upright form and our belongings put away. I stretched out a bit and noticed a second blanket had magically appeared out of nowhere. I folded the blankets and put everything away and sat back down to buckle up. The decent was always the worst thing I hated on plane rides. I didn’t know how my ears would react to this so I decided to put my plane plugs in and hope for the best. I really didn’t want to be walking around the next few days trying to pop my ears back to normal. Thankfully my ears made it through the decent without too much popping and I wouldn’t have to worry. We all stood to exit the plane and once we were out Jay pulled us all aside.

 

“Ok so I imagine you have probably seen or heard about how fans like to swamp the airport waiting for their idols. I figured that with this being a late flight we shouldn’t have too much of a problem but you never know. So put this mask on with these glasses. Keep your head down and your hood up. I wish I had thought of asking one of the guys to take you the car before us but now there isn’t time. Just stay behind me and Chacha. Gray and Loco will be on the sides of you, just follow us and everything should be ok.”

 

I took the shades and mask from him and did as he instructed. I knew what he was talking about, I had seen many videos and reports of the crazed fans causing problems for the idols. The whole flight here I don’t know why I didn’t even think about this, yeah back in the states it wasn’t that big of a deal but now we were back here on their home turf. I was kind of scared since I didn’t know what to expect and I preferred to be prepared for everything.

 

The sliding doors leading to the main part of the airport opened and we all stepped out into the flashing lights and the people calling out for the guys. I don’t know how anyone could get use to this, all the flashing lights and the cries from the fans. It was way too much. They had a security team trying to make room so that we could keep walking and not have to stop. I crossed my arms over my chest and kept my face down. I was concentrating on Jay’s legs making sure I was keeping up and that I wouldn’t bump into him. We eventually made it to the cars and Jay had me hurry up and get in the back seat followed by Loco, Gray jumped into the front seat of this car. Jay and ChaCha ended up in a completely different car.

 

“How are you holding up Sarah?”

“That was intense Gray, how the hell do you guys deal with that? Does that happen all the time?”

 

Gray turned around to face me with a sad look on his face.

 

“Yeah, it’s been getting pretty bad. The more we get out there the more they come in hopes to get a picture. That’s the price of fame, it’s a two-edged sword really. On one side you have all the joy that comes with fame and on the other side you have all the downfall. You will get use to it. I thought it was crazy the first time I went through it, I think we all did.”

“Yeah don’t worry Sarah, you have us here to help you through everything. Here give me your phone.”

 

I handed my phone over to Loco and watched him enter in some numbers before handing it back to me.

 

“There now you have both my number, Gray’s number, and ChaCha’s number. If you ever need anything just send us a text or call us and we will try and help you out. But I doubt you will need to use them too much at first since we will all be together pretty much the whole time.”

 

I smiled and looked at my phone and saw he had put them all in the favorites but couldn’t help but laugh at the names.

 

Big Bro Loco

I need a ChaCha beat

Smooth OG Jay

Gray Sparkles

 

“Oh my god Loco, Gray Sparkles? Please explain!”

“Damn it Loco stop with that shit! It was one time!”

 

Gray threw his hands in the air with frustration and I knew this had to be a good story.

 

“Ok so this has to stay between us three. So before we went on this tour Gray here must have been on the verge of some kind of mental breakdown because he had been acting weird for days.”

“I was fucking nervous man! NERVOUS!”

“Yaa let me finish the story. So anyways I went over to his place to go over some stuff and just have some drinks to get my mind off the tour. Gray here wasn’t answering my calls, texts, or his damn door so of course I had to let myself in and see if he was ok. When I got in the apartment the lights were all on so I knew his ass was home but he wasn’t in the living room so I went to his room. The door was shut but I didn’t hear anything so I figured maybe he was sleeping. The sight before me when I opened the door will forever be engraved in my eyes. This guy was in his bed with the covers up to his chin with headphones on watching Twilight. Fucking twilight!!!”

 

Loco busted out laughing and I just sat there looking at Gray who was staring back at Loco like he wanted to kill him.

 

“It was one time! ONE TIME! I couldn’t find anything to watch and I just took the first recommendation from Netflix, it’s not my fault it was some weird teen movie.”

 

I couldn’t help but laugh a little bit.

 

“Gray there is no shame in liking Twilight, I’m sure most of the American fans went through a faze where they loved it too.”

“Sarah not you too! Promise me that you won’t let this out to anyone! Not a single person. God if Jay found out I would be dead! That man would never let me live this down.”

“Don’t worry Gray, I will take this one to my grave.”

“Thank you, Sarah can you please change my name too.”

“Nope, I’m keeping it this way.”

 

Loco gave me a high five and a hug.

 

“I knew I liked this girl!”

 

The rest of the drive was spent in silence as it was still pretty late and now that the high from the arriving had worn off I was feeling the exhaustion want to take over. Thankfully it didn’t take much longer to arrive at what I assumed was Jay’s apartment. Jay opened the door on my side and said this was our stop. I got out of the car and said my good byes to Loco and Gray before we made our way inside. The Apartment was very nice with a security guard stationed at its entry, he greeted Jay with a smile.

 

“I will put in a request for you to get a key card so they know you belong here.”

 

I yawned and nodded to him as he pushed the button for the elevator. This apartment building was 13 floors and Jay had pressed the button for the 12th floor.

 

“The 13th floor has only one apartment and the access to the roof.”

 

Again I nodded and leaned against the wall just wanting to crash right then and there. The bell ran signaling that we had reached our floor. We turned left and waked down to the end of the hall and he entered the passcode that would unlock his door. Once we were inside he told me that the passcode was 1664 which spelt out AOMG, pretty easy to remember.

 

The apartment was edgy but classy at the same time. Jay gave me a quick tour of the place. When you first walk in the kitchen is to the right which opened up to the big living room. Along the back wall was all windows that had a little sliding glass portion that you could open that would reveal a small patio. To the left of the entry you would find a small closet and across from that was a door to what looked like and office. Next to the office was another door that lead into the master bedroom, aka Jay’s room. Across from Jay’s room was a bathroom that was for guests and next to that was the spare bedroom which would be mine. The room was a decent size with a queen size bed with night stands on each size. Across from the bed was a long dresser. There were no windows in the room obviously which would suck because I liked having fresh air in the room.

 

“Once we get things settled we can go and pick out some new bedding for you and if you want to add or change anything just let me know.”

“Do you by any chance have a fan? God I’m going to sound high maintenance right now but I need some kind of white noise. I usually sleep with the window open but since there isn’t one could I get a fan?”

“Hey no problem, I totally get it. I have a spare in the closet one sec.”

 

He turned around and I sat down on the bed ready to fall asleep. He returned with a small white fan that he put on the dresser and plugged in for me before turning it on.

 

“How’s that?”

“Thank you.”

“No problem, get some sleep while you can and I will see in a couple of hours. I want to leave here by 6.”

“Ok.”

 

With that he turned around shutting the door behind him. I didn’t have the energy to find my pajamas and decided to just sleep in my shirt. I turned off the light before taking my pants and socks off. I grabbed my phone charger out of my bag and plugged my phone in before turning the alarm on for 5:30. I was finally here and ready to start my new life. I smiled as I shut my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

 


	4. Chapter 4

** Sarah **

Ever wake up and completely forget where you are? That’s how I was feeling. My alarm had just gone off and I opened my eyes and they were still blurry from sleeping that I started to panic because I didn’t recognize the room I was in. It took my brain about a minute to catch up to that what happened yesterday was in fact not a dream and that I was currently in the spare bedroom at Jay Park’s apartment located in Seoul South Korea. With my brain now functioning properly I shot up in my bed and turned that stupid annoying alarm off. I stretched my arms out above my head and twisted my torso trying to wake my body up. Jay wanted to leave by 6 and I realized I should have set my alarm to go off earlier then what I had it at. I quickly went to my suitcase and opened it up grabbing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before I grabbed my toiletry bag and went off to the bathroom to wash up. The guest bathroom was super nice, it had a cool looking rain shower head that I was really excited to use and the sink looked like a big glass bowl. Over all it was very artistic and went well with the rest of the vibe the apartment was giving off. It didn’t take me long to do my morning routine before I threw on some light makeup and brushed my hair. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen today so I figured I mind as well toss my hair into a ponytail. As I was leaving the bathroom Jay was just coming out of his own room looking like he was ready to just go and relax with his sweatpants and hoodie.

 

“You all set Sarah?”

“Yeah, let me just drop this off in my room and grab my bag.”

 

He gave me a nod and went towards the front door. I tossed the dirty clothes on my bed and grabbed my backpack that still held my laptop and headphones and made sure to toss my phone charger in there as well. I snatched a clean hoodie out of my suitcase and went to meet Jay. The drive to the studio wasn’t that long and I sat there really hoping that there would be some kind of coffee shop nearby or that they had some at the studio because I was still extremely tired from the flight. We pulled up to studio and Jay parked his car just as another car was pulling up. As we were walking to the door I heard the other car door open and close and turned around to see Cha Cha walking up.

 

“Morning Jay, Sarah.”

“Morning Cha Cha.” 

“Sarah you can call me Chase when it’s just us.”

“Duly noted.”

 

The three of us walked into the studio and Chase went one way while me and Jay went up to his office. It was still pretty early and the place looked dead. _I wonder if it’s always this dead?_ I thought to myself as I sat down in one of the chairs in front of Jay’s desk.

 

“So before we get you all set up here and have you start working on the music I need to go over some legal stuff with you. I know it’s rather all boring but its required to not only protect the company but you as well. I had my legal team draw up these documents which basically says that for a year you will only be allowed to work on music with and for AOMG. You will not be able to work on any other music for other companies during that year. Before any kind of media coverage is done you need to get the approval from our PR and legal team. You will be working under an alias name aka your stage name while you are here with AOMG. Anything said within the company building must stay between company employees. Since you will also be staying at my apartment until we find you your own place you will also have to make sure anything you post does not show that you are in fact at my apartment. Any social media accounts you have must now be made private, if you want we can set you up with a public profile under your stage name so you can post stuff that deals with AOMG on there. If you don’t have any questions then please sign and date this.”

 

He slid the documents over to me and I glanced over everything and signed my name. I was now officially part of his company even if it was for a trial period. With that out of the way he took me on a small tour of the studio and showed me the rooms that everyone uses and where everyone would usually hang out. It wasn’t a big building compared to the other label’s buildings but it fit his company well. Right before we went to where everyone was waiting we stopped by the cafeteria to grab some coffee. Just the smell of the dark liquid was waking me up and making me feel more alive. When we finally got back to the room that we were currently recording Loco was in the small recording room doing some vocal work with Gray and Chase at the control board. I sat on the couch that was against the wall and listened to the song that Loco was singing. Hearing music being made was interesting, it was raw and so untouched. I bobbed my head to the beat and it just made even more excited to be here and doing this. It wasn’t long before Loco was done and was coming out of the small room to hear what they had. Gray played it back for him and they talked about some things that needed to be changed but overall they felt like it was good.

 

“Hey Sarah how about you get in there and just go for it. Let’s see where you are at and we can go from there.”

 

I looked at Gray over the lid of my cup with a surprised look on my face. I figured they would have gotten to me eventually but didn’t think it was this quick. I set my cup of coffee down and stood up. I rubbed my now sweating hands on my legs as I walked over to Gray. He handed me some paper with the lyrics on it and told me not to be worried and just to take it slow. I took a deep breath and went into the room and shut the door. The room was sound proof and it made me feel as if it was closing in on me, like there was a pressure in the room and it was trying to push me down. Maybe it was just my nerves and the anxiety of sounding bad in front of everyone. I tried to push that all aside as I picked up the headphones and placed them over my ears. I heard Gray through them and again he reminded me to just relax. The music started up and I could hear the raw voice and beat that Loco had just recorded. I followed along with the sheet of paper and went with it. I did my best to not let my nerves come through my voice and the more I sang the calmer I got. The music clicked off and I looked up to see Gray with a thumb up along with Loco. I smiled and walked out of the room.

 

“How was it? Was it just awful?” 

“No Sarah it was pretty good for your first time. You have some spots we will need to work on but overall it was pretty good.”

 

I smiled at Gray happy that he thought that. I turned my head towards Jay who was sitting down on the couch looking into his phone.

 

“What do you think Jay? She did good no?”

“Yeah, she wasn’t that bad at all Gray. Make sure you work with her on this. I have some meetings I have to get to so I will be back later.”

 

With that Jay put his phone back into his pocket and waived at us as he left the room.

 

** Jay **

I knew she would be nervous her first time in the box, we all were. Her voice as she started off was weak but the more she sang you could hear her confidence build up. Even nervous she still looked stunning in there singing and I wanted to be there to help her but I had some meetings with some other artists that I could not miss.

 

** Sarah **

With Jay out of the room we all turned back to our work. Chase offered to help work on Loco’s parts while Gray helped me with mine. With Loco back in the box doing his thing Gray took me over to the couch to talk to me about my portions. It was all pretty easy fixes, have more emotion on this part but pull back on this. Raise your tempo here and be softer in this section. The rest of the day was spent taking turns in the box recording our sections. At around 1pm Gray called lunch and we decided to order out. As we all sat around the table eating we talked about just the normal everyday things. The guys joked about stuff that happened on the tour while me and Chase talked about Game of Thrones of all things. I didn’t peg him as one to watch a fantasy show but this man loved his GoT. We easily tossed around theories about what would happen with the night king and who would finally sit on the iron throne. It was nice to have someone around that had similar interests.

 

After lunch we all went back into the room and went over our sections for a last time. It was rough and by the time I was done my voice was tired along with my body.

 

“You holding up ok Sarah?”

“Yeah, this is more work than I ever thought.”

 

Gray let out a chuckle.

 

“Yeah, I don’t think anyone actually really understands the amount of work that is put in until they are here doing it. How’s your voice?”

“It’s a bit rough.”

“Wait here.”

 

Gray got up and left the room returning a few minutes later with a coffee cup.

 

“Here sip on this it’s just some honey lemon tea. It will help sooth your throat.”

 

I took the cup from him with a smile. I took a sip of the tea and felt the warm liquid go down my throat giving me some instant comfort from the strain I had put it through.

 

“Wow that’s really good, thank you.”

 

Gray gave me a smile and a pat on my shoulder before going over to Chase and messing with what me and Loco had recorded. The rest of the night was spent going over the song multiple times with Gray tweaking little bits of it. I really wasn’t much help with this since I was still so new to it all so I basically sat there on the couch listening and watching them work. I would offer my opinion every now and then when they asked for it. I could feel myself getting tired and decided that it wouldn’t hurt to just rest my eyes while they worked, my body still wasn’t use to the time change.

 

I awoke to someone gently rocking my shoulder and I opened my eyes slowly to see Gray crouched down with a smile on his face.

 

“Hey sleepy head, wanna wake up and listen to this?”

“My bad, yeah sure.”

 

I sat up not realizing that at some point I had laid completely down on the couch. Gray took a spot on the couch next to me and told Chase to go ahead and play it. The song filled the room with its quick and deep base. Locos voice quickly filled the room talking about having fun with the guys and about a girl he saw across a room. Next it was my voice that filled the room, the lyrics mirrored his about me being out with the girls having fun and catching him in my eye sight. The song went back and forth talking about how we wanted to dance with each other and how he couldn’t keep his hands off me. The song ended with him humming out the final verse.

 

“So what do you think?”

 

I sat there just dumb founded. I didn’t know how to form a sentence. I kept opening my mouth and closing it again and just looked at Gray and smiled.

 

“You like it I take it?”

“Yeah.”

 

I said nodding my head like an idiot with a big smile on my face. I didn’t care how dumb I looked at this point. I was hearing my voice in a song being sang along with Loco. This was just insane that it actually happened! The door opened and walked in a very tired looking Jay.

 

“So how’s it going in here?”

“We are all done here. If you want we can play what we have. I’m pretty sure you won’t want to change anything.”

“Yeah lets hear what you have Gray.”

 

Chase played the song again for Jay who was standing next to him at the control board. He was bobbing his head and concentrating on the music coming through the speakers. When the song completed he nodded his head.

 

“Sounds good to me. It’s pretty late and it doesn’t look like any of you have eaten so how about we all head out to dinner?”

 

We all stood up and walked out to the cars. Loco and Gray drove together while me, Jay, and Chase drove in his car. I sat in the back seat while Jay and Chase talked about the meetings he had that day and about other artists and the music they were working on. It didn’t take long before we were pulling up to the burger place that they frequented. We all walked in ordered our food and sat while we waited for it to be made. The conversation was pretty light between everyone, I was sure that once they got some food in them their energy would pick back up. I turned towards Jay who was on his phone yet again.   


“Hey Jay, does it usually go this fast?”

“Fast? What?”

“Making the songs?”

“Not really, I mean it takes some time to get the beat out and then to find some lyrics that go along with it. This one only went quickly because we had already been working on it and just needed a female voice for those verses. It also helps that you already have a good voice so not much work needed to be done. But no, it never really goes this fast.”

 

I nodded and our pager went off to signal our food was ready. Ever the social butterflies these big boys were once the food was out they all took out their phones to record videos or take pictures. I just laughed and took a bite of my food, it was crazy that people would make fun of girls for always getting that perfect picture of things meanwhile these guys were just as bad. After everyone was done eating Gray and Loco wanted to out for drinks but Jay turned down the offer and I had to agree, even with the food in me I was exhausted. Chase drove back to the studio with Gray and Loco while me and Jay headed back to his apartment. The drive back was spent in a comfortable silence both of us exhausted from the days activities. When we finally reached the apartment we both said our goodnights and went to our rooms to get ready for bed. Once I was finally there I crashed the second my head hit the pillow.

 

The next couple of days were spent the same way as the first. We would arrive early at the studio and would spend the whole day there working on music. Loco worked on the rest of his songs while Gray introduced me to the next song I would be working on with him. This one would be a little more difficult as it had rapping portions for me to sing. I spent the days going over the lyrics trying to get them down and to pronounce them right. This song was more work than Loco’s but I enjoyed the time I got to spend with Gray who was taking his time to help me. He had his own stuff he had to work on for the song so it was really nice of him and I appreciated it so much.

 

On the third day Jay took over helping me as Gray had to get to work on his stuff. Jay took me into a smaller room that looked like it was really meant for only two or three people. We both sat at the control panel and he played the beat for me and had me practice my parts.

 

“Sarah make sure you are breathing properly because you’re sounding winded once you have to speed up.”

 

We went over that spot again and I tried to keep my breath even and to get in as much air before the beat sped up. I was doing good but then started to stumble over the last couple of words.

 

“Fuck.”

 

I said out in frustration and Jay laughed back at me. My hands were in my hair pulling on it and he grabbed them and pulled them away.

 

“Relax Sarah, this stuff isn’t easy. You know this part now so try to do it with your eyes closed. Just picture a calm setting and make sure you wet your lips, it helps you not stumble so much.”

 

He started that portion over and I did as he said. I imagined I was back home in my bed listening to the song. I imagined I was alone and just singing along with a random song like the many other times I have done in the past. This time I didn’t stumble over my words nor did I sound out of breath. I opened my eyes and looked at Jay who was smiling back. I didn’t think because had I thought of my actions I wouldn’t have done it. On a happy impulse I threw my arms around Jay’s neck and hugged him.

 

“I did it!”

“You sure did and it sounded great!”

 

His cologne filled my senses and as much as I wanted to stay there breathing him in and feeling him against me I pulled away.

 

“Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. So how about we try and record a bit of it?”

 

I agreed and stood up to go into the booth. This one was smaller and felt more cramped but I felt a little more confident then I had the first day. I had the part we were going to go over memorized so I did as had before and imagined myself back at home. When the part was over I heard Jay come through my headphones.

 

“That’s good, now let’s go onto the next part.”

 

The next part was pretty easy and fun and I couldn’t help but move my body along with the beat. Gray and Chase were very talented at creating these beats and I was pretty excited to hear what this would sound like when it was completed. Around lunch time we decided to go meet back up with Gray and see what he had completed. With both of our parts of the song now together we ran through the raw song and it sounded pretty good. I could tell right away on the parts that I knew Jay would want me to go over again. Instead of splitting up again we stayed as a group and took turns in the booth going back over our parts. Now that we had the song together it was easier to go back over the song and fix parts.

 

Gray was currently in the booth and I was standing next to Chase who was at the control panel making sure things were going right and Loco came in. He gave a fist bump to Jay who was sitting on the couch listening to Gray sing. I felt him come up behind me and pull me into a hug before rocking side to side making me laugh.

 

“How is our little Princess doing?”

“Princess?”

 

Now he really had me laughing.  


“Yeah our little princess, I mean you are the youngest here and you look like a little princess with your hair and clothes.”

“I don’t know if I should take that as a complement or not.” 

“It’s a complement, there are so many other female artists out there dressed in sexy clothes with their face all done up. It’s nice to see something different.”

 

Loco had yet to let me go from his back hug and I leaned back into his embrace. I didn’t want to be thought of as a princess and besides I was only a few months younger then him so I wasn’t that much of a baby. Loco eventually let me go and started to dance around to Gray’s rap part and I decided to go sit next to Jay on the couch.

 

“What’s on your mind Sarah?”

 

Jay didn’t even look up from me and it kind of annoyed me.

 

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t play that game. Say what’s on your mind.”

 

He put his phone down and turned towards me giving me his full attention.

 

“Do I really look like a princess?”

“Don’t most girls like that? Don’t they like being called a princess and don’t they like to go out and find their prince charming?”

“Not this one. Yeah being called princess is nice when it’s just a nickname but not when people actually see you as a child. People back home never called me that or saw me that way because I was a bouncer. Maybe I need to change my look.”

“What concept are you going for? Dirty girl? Playful tease? Party girl? I mean there are plenty of artists out there with that concept already.”

“I don’t know, can’t woman just be a concept?”

 

He laughed and shook his head.

 

“If you want to change then I will support it. If you want I can get you in touch with a stylist. Tomorrow you can take the day off and figure out what concept you want.”

 

I thanked him just as Loco grabbed my hand hauling me off the couch to come dance with him. We were all laughing and enjoying the music just dancing together. I turned around and Loco had his hand on my hip pulling me into him with one of his legs in between mine. We were rolling our bodies to the beat and my part came on and I started to sing along with it.

 

“Can you handle these curves baby. Hold on tight as these curves rock on your body ooo.”

 

I was just losing myself in the song and not even caring and Loco lost it and couldn’t hold his composure and pulled away laughing.

 

“Yaa yaa don’t do that. I take it back ok, I get it you’re a grown girl. I think we need to change some of these lyrics Jay.”

 

He walked over to Jay and sat next to him while waiving his hand in the air towards me saying he didn’t like the tone of the song.

 

“What you didn’t mind her lyrics on your song.”

“Yeah but that was different. Watching her dance like that and singing. Man we are going to have a problem on our hands once she gets out there and starts to perform.”

 

I waived them off and went to stand by Chase.

 

“Oh my god those two.”

“That’s good Gray come on out. He isn’t wrong Sarah. You do have some amazing moves and a good figure. Add on your voice and you will for sure have a good size male fan base following you around.”

 

Gray walked out of the room and asked what was going on and I explained that apparently my part was to provocative for Loco’s vision of a pure and innocent me.

 

“Loco man, she isn’t that innocent. She was a bouncer at a club and do you not remember the night we met her? Do you not remember her outfit? Our little Princess Sarah here has a dark and sexy side to her.”

“Here is an idea how about we all go out tonight for some drinks?”

“Loco didn’t you guys go out last night?” 

“Yes we did Sarah but you two ditched us for bed.”

“Well sorry to break it to you but I’m ditching you guys again because I still need to unpack.”

 

Jay offered me a ride back to the apartment but said he couldn’t stay as he wanted to go out with the guys. Once I was back at the apartment I unpacked my clothes hanging up what need to be hung up and putting other items in the dresser. I made sure to put the black synch bag at the back of my drawer and put more underwear over it to cover it up as best I could. Once I had everything put away I decided to facetime Hua to check in with her. I gave her a quick tour of the apartment I was staying at but she couldn’t talk long as the time difference was horrible. After my call with her I decided to shower and then watch some movies on my laptop.

 

 I had fallen asleep during one dramas and was awoken to a loud bang and cursing. I moved my laptop out of the way and got up to see what was going on. I walked down the hall to the entrance and saw Jay bracing himself on the kitchen counter as he was taking long drinks from a bottle of water.

 

“You ok Jay?”

“Sarah our little Princess…oh wait you don’t like that. How about sex kitten? Hmm? Is that better then Princess?”

 

I walked over to Jay and he reeked of booze. Clearly he enjoyed himself out with the guys.

 

“Call me whatever you want Jay. How about we get you in bed.”

 

I walked over to him and put his arm over my shoulder so he could use me to stabilize himself as we slowly walked to his room. He tripped over his feet and would bump into the wall and laugh. We finally made it to his room and I let him fall back into his bed and I fought against it but he ended up dragging me down with him and I landed with a huff on top of him. I put both my hands on the side of him and pushed myself up and was caught by his eyes. I always thought his eyes were magical but being this close to him just inches away from his face and I was like a deer caught in the headlights. He had me in a trance and it was only broken when I saw him stick that tongue out and lick his lips. My heart rate sped up and I was sure I was blushing but I pushed myself off him before I did something stupid. I helped Jay take his socks off and helped him with his shirt but left him to handle his pants as I went back to the kitchen for some water. When I made it back to his room he was under the blankets sleeping with his clothes scattered around the floor. I set the water down on his night stand and went around picking up his clothes and made sure to empty his pockets before I tossed the clothes into his dirty hamper. I walked back to the door and turned the lights off before walking back to my room to go to sleep.

 

That night my normal happy dreams were replaced with visions of Jay between my legs using that tongue to bring me close to my climax while one of his hands was stroking himself and the other was playing with my ass using one of the fingers to slowly put pressure on my little puckered entrance. Just as he slipped the finger inside I felt my walls clamp down and was jolted awake still feeling myself clamp down on nothing.

 

_Jay and his fucking tongue is going to be the death of me._

 

I thought as I tried to calm my body down. I looked over to my phone and noticed it was still pretty early and I didn’t have to be up as early since I was taking the day off to work with the stylist. I closed my eyes and rolled onto my stomach trying to get some more sleep. Every time I closed my eyes I saw Jay again in between my legs or saw him inches away from my face while he drove his cock inside me. That dream was doing nothing but making me worked up. I rolled back to lay on my back and threw my arms over my eyes. All I wanted to do was sleep but this built up sexual frustration from my dry spell was becoming too much.

 

_I really need to get laid._

I knew it wasn’t going to happen any time soon and figured I mind as well take care of this issue so I can actually get to sleep. I threw my covers off and went to my drawer grabbing out a vibrator and some lube. I put some fresh batteries in before pulling the covers back over me. I pulled my panties down and took my shirt off allowing myself tobe fully naked only covered by my blanket. The door had no lock on it but I figured I would be safe with how early it was. I closed my eyes and imagined Jay back between my legs imaging what it would feel like to actually have his tongue on me. Having him lick me slowly before inserting a finger into me and pumping it in and out. As I imagined that I turned on my vibrator and inserted it inside me. My pace was slow just thinking of Jay using his fingers inside me. I felt myself getting wetter and tried to hold back the moans that were trying to escape my mouth. The vision changed to Jay above me with his cock deep inside me, as imaginary Jay picked up his pace so did I using the vibrator to mimic him. My free hand went to my breast kneading it and pulling on my nipples. I couldn’t stop the moan from escaping my mouth. I could feel my climax approaching and quickened my pace with one more pinch of my nipple pleasure rolled over me like a title wave. I moaned out a little too loudly Jay’s name and thought I heard a noise. I turned off my vibrator and just laid there. I had just masturbated to the thought of my boss and roommate fucking me and while I should feel ashamed I didn’t. I was fully sated for now and exhausted. I left my vibrator on my bed under the covers and fell asleep, I could clean it tomorrow.

 

** Jay **

I woke up to my head pounding and rolled over to see a water bottle and some aspirin. I took two aspirins and gulped down the bottle of water. I got up to relieve myself and to stumble into the kitchen for some more water. As I was making my way to the kitchen I thought I heard a low buzzing sound but figured it was this hangover that was trying to take over my body. I grabbed another bottle of water and made my way back to my room. Just as I was passing Sarah’s room I heard a low faint moan come from behind her door. I stopped and listened closely. That buzzing sound was definitely there and I could hear her breathing heavily behind the door. I felt my dick in my boxers start to stir from the sounds. Another moan came and my hand shot down to adjust my dick in my boxers. I knew what she was doing in there and it turned me on, I knew I shouldn’t be listening here but I couldn’t help myself. My hand found its way inside my boxer and turned around to lean against the wall just next to her door. With her breathing and soft moans I imagined what it would be like to be inside her. The way she was dancing earlier that day had me frustrated because I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and show her how to really dance seductively. My hand picked up its pace pumping faster.

 

“Jay”

 

I heard her moan out my name and I lost it. Like a little school boy I shot my load into my boxers. I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. Sarah was in there thinking about me as she pleasured herself. With that knowledge, I walked back to my room and stripped off my boxers and washed my dick and hand off with a wet rag. I didn’t bother putting clean boxers on and just climbed back into bed. Still shocked at what had just happened I closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep. I laid there for I don’t know how long trying not to think about her. She was amazingly talented and she was gorgeous. I know I had given her the go ahead to change her looks but part of me wanted her to stay the way she was. She was pure and innocent, I didn’t want her to be like the rest of the female artists out there. I opened my eyes and grabbed my phone off the nightstand shooting a quick text to the stylist.

 

Jay: When you see Sarah tomorrow let her do what she wants but please don’t let her change too much. If she starts to toss out crazy idea try and pull her back. Anything she wants done outside of anything drastic she can do. Stop by the studio on your way to my place and grab my card. I won’t be having Sarah pay for anything.

 

With the text sent off I felt a little better and rolled onto my stomach closing my eyes. With excitement mixed in with apprehension I was finally able to fall asleep.

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

** Sarah **

I woke up to my alarm going off around 9am. I felt so refreshed, whether it was because I was able to sleep in past 6am or because I had one of the best orgasms in a long time last night. Either way it didn’t matter and I was more than ready to take on this day. I threw on my shirt and grabbed my toy and some clean clothes. While I was letting the water warm up I made sure to wash my toy clean and to take the batteries out. The stylist was going to be here at 10 to go over what ideas I had and then we would head off to the salon and to go buy some clothes. I still wasn’t 100% sure what I was really going for but since I had been sporting the same hair cut for years I was ready for a change. After I was dressed I made sure to strip my bedding and throw them in the wash, there was no need to sleep on dirty sheets. With that out of the way I went and made myself a small breakfast.

 

Just as I was hanging up the sheets I heard the doorbell going off. I went to answer the door and stepped in this older looking woman who looked like she was ready to take on the world one piece of clothing at a time. We introduced ourselves and I showed her to the couch and offered her a drink. As we sat drinking our coffee she asked me what I was thinking of.

 

“I’m not really sure. I don’t want to do any crazy changes but I am just sick of this blah me. Does that make sense?”

“Of course it does, so I take it you just want maybe a little more edge to your current look or maybe a little sultry mystery?”

“I just don’t want to be seen as a child. Since I’m here doing this I want to be taken serious. I want people to see me as a woman or they might just brush off my music. I don’t want people saying I can’t stand with the guys because I look like some little kpop child.”

“Say no more I have just the right idea for you. Let’s head down to the salon, shall we?”

 

The salon she took me to was very edgy with some EDM music playing, I really didn’t imagine this place at all. I figured we were going to an upscale salon that would cost a fortune but to be honest I felt more comfortable here then I would have at any upscale place. I was shown to a chair and introduced to the hair stylist that would be working with me. My hair was pretty curly naturally and was pretty long and didn’t always like to listen to what I needed it to do. So today we would be doing a relaxation treatment, cutting off some of it so that it would come to my shoulder blade and adding layers. We also decided to go darker with my hair since it was pretty light from the sun I got back home.

 

After a few hours of working on my hair done we were finally done and I felt so much lighter from cutting off so much hair. When I asked how much it would be I was told not to worry about it. I shrugged my shoulders and thanked them. Next we were off to some stores to buy some clothes and when she showed me the stores we would be going to I tried to back her off and suggest we find some place a little more doable for the money I had. She told me I need not worry as Jay was fronting the bill for this and I was to get everything I needed. I wanted to argue and reached for my phone but she stopped me and told me to just go with it. I still didn’t like the idea but figured he knew what was best and it’s not like the clothes I had brought with me were really appropriate to wear around the guys when we were going out. The rest of the day was going in and out of shops getting pants, shirts, jackets, dresses, and even new undergarments. I have never spent so much time or bought so many pieces of clothing as I did today. She even took me to get accessories including shoes and purses. By the time we got back to the apartment it was late and we had actually grabbed some food on the way there. She helped me unload all the bags and we sat down to eat our dinner.

 

“So Sarah, are you enjoying it?”

“It?”

“Yes the new change in scenery and actually doing music?”

“Oh. Yeah I am loving it. I have always wanted to come here and music has always been a passion of mine. If it wasn’t for Jay I probably would just be back home with my dad running the club." 

“I really hope things work out here for you, I like you and I feel like you would do some amazing things here. I just hope that the industry doesn’t swallow you up. You’re a good kid and the industry can be pretty dark and tends to chew kids up and spit them out. Just fallow what the guys say and I’m sure they will take care of you.”

 

 

Our chit chat turned towards clothes and what I should wear with certain events. My phone was vibrating while we talked and I opened it to find a text from Loco saying that I should come out as they were all going to go out for drinks and to do some dancing. I couldn’t believe that they were going back out after having gone out the night before. Just before I sent another rejection I stopped myself and thought maybe this would be a good time to show them the new me. I asked my new friend what I should wear and she helped me pick out the perfect outfit. She had me in some skin tight black jeans that hugged my body showing off my curves in all their glory. The shirt she had me in wasn’t really much of a shirt as it was a see through top and she had me wearing a tank top under it. She topped it off with a jean jacket and had me wearing some heeled timberland boots. I sent a text saying I was on my way and she dropped me off on her way home.

 

I arrived at the club and Loco said to just go up to the bouncer and give my name as they would be waiting in the VIP section for me. I did as I was instructed and the bouncer had someone escort me to the guys. They were all laughing and taking pictures and just having fun.

 

“Did I miss anything today?”

 

Gray and Loco looked up at me while Jay was still lost in his phone.

 

“God damn Sarah!" 

“What you don’t like it Gray?”

“No I do, you look amazing! I love the new hair and the new clothes are just WOW!”

 

I walked over and sat down in between Gray and Loco. Gray was all smiles while Loco looked confused.

 

“What’s wrong Loco?”

“Nothing, it’s just you really are all grown up. But you will always be our Princess.”

 

He acted as if he was crying and wiped away his imaginary tears from his eyes. We all laughed at his horrible acting and I grabbed onto his arm leaning my head on it.

 

“Don’t worry Oppa, I will always be your little princess.”

 

I tried to give him my best impression of a high school girl but I could tell he wasn’t buying as he pushed me away. I laughed and reached for the drinks on the table ready to have myself a shot. I looked up at Jay who was watching me over his phone.

 

“Don’t you like it Jay?”

“As long as you like it. I was half expecting you to come back with some crazy colored hair or something.”

“No, I just wanted a little change. Like an upgrade to what I already had. I didn’t want to make any big changes.”

 

Jay gave me a smile and leaned over to talk to Chase who was sitting next to him. I grabbed myself a drink and shot it down quickly. I sat back and put my head on Gray’s shoulder.

 

“So am I allowed to dance or do I have to stay up here with you guys?”

“No go ahead, we will all be up here if you need anything.”

 

I smiled up at him and then jumped up heading towards the dance floor. This was the first time in a long time being in a club outside of the one I worked at. It was nice to be able to just be me, a normal person and not an employee.

 

The DJ was playing some really good music and it was easy to move my body to the beat and just enjoy myself. A remix of Solo came on and the club went insane. It was a fun song to dance to with people singing along with it. I was closing my eyes and swinging my hips to the beat and getting low in some spots. I felt someone come up behind me and I turned around to see a rather attractive guy smiling back at me. He was tall and had a great build on him and he was dressed in some very nice clothes. I smiled back at him and let him lead the dance. He put his knee in between my legs and we began to sway to the music. His grip on me would get lower but would always come back up to my hip. I smiled at him because I knew he was trying to get a feel of my ass. I started to pull away and his face fell a bit but I only pulled away to turn my back to him and to lean back onto him as we continued our dance. His hand came back to my hip holding me close to him as he grinded his crotch into me. I couldn’t help myself and I pushed my ass back into him. He took that as a go ahead and started to let his hands roam. His hand slowly made its way across my stomach before going back to my hip and then slowly going down my thigh before making its way back up but this time on the inside of my thigh. I moved his hand back to the outside and allowed him to continue to explore.

 

** Jay **

After Sarah left to go dance I waited a little bit before standing and going to the railing that overlooked the dance floor. I watched her work her way into the crowd and lose herself to the music. I smiled as I watched her enjoy herself. She really did look sexy as hell and it worried me a little bit to let her go but she was a big girl and was more than capable of handling herself.

 

“She has some good moves.”

 

I looked up to see Gray standing next to me.

 

“Yeah she does. It will be interesting to see her perform.”

“Oh looks like she already has a fan.”

 

Gray pointed towards a guy who was currently making a b line for her. I watched as the guy danced right up to her and then watched her turn around to smile at him. The two were dancing very seductively, she was clearly enjoying the reaction she was getting from him.

 

“Oh looks like he has some wandering hands.”

 

I wasn’t even watching what the guy was doing as I was so focused on Sarah’s face. Watching her close her eyes and smiling. I envied that guy, I wanted to be down there with her. I turned my attention to the guy who was trying to be sly about feeling her up. I smiled when I saw Sarah pull away, she must have caught on to. What I wasn’t expecting was her to lean back into him and continue dancing. The grip I had on the hand rail became stronger. I didn’t envy him anymore, now I just wanted to rip his hands from his body.

 

“Yaa Jay I don’t like this guy, his hands are all over her.”

 

Gray was right this guy kept trying to run his hands on the inside of her thigh clearly trying to cop a feel of her sex.

 

“I don’t like this guy either.”

 

I was just about ready to go rip him away from Sarah when I hear Gray curse and then he was gone. He was going down the stairs quickly and not caring that he was being rough with making his way to the crowd. Gray had enough of this guy and was doing something before I even had a chance. I watched as Gray made his way to Sarah and pulled her from the grabby guys hands. I saw him get up in the guy’s face but couldn’t read his lips. Sarah was trying to push him away from the guy clearly trying to deescalate the situation before Gray did something. Sarah then stood in-between the guys and put her arms around Gray’s waste and pushed him back. Gray looked down at her and smiled before putting his arms around her.

 

_Why can’t that be me?_

 

I thought as I watched the two laugh as she tried to get Gray to dance with her. She wasn’t dancing seductively instead her dancing was stupid and silly trying to make Gray laugh and she was succeeding. Gray had thrown his head back and was laughing at something she had said. I couldn’t stand there watching the two and went back to sit next to Chase.

 

** Sarah **

Once I had Gray laughing I grabbed his hand and laced our fingers together and lead the way back up to the rest of the gang. I knew that guy was getting handsy and I totally could have handled it on my own but before I could do anything Gray was right there getting in the guy’s face. Once we reached the spot where the guys were Gray dropped my hand and threw his arm around my shoulder as we walked over to the guys.

 

“So Sarah here isn’t allowed to dance alone anymore.”

 

I scoffed at him.

 

“Excuse me?”

“Well look what happens when you do.”

 

I rolled my eyes at him.

 

“I can handle myself and would have but you got in there before I could.”

“I am not saying you can’t dance, but just dance with us or we can call one of the girls down and you can all dance together.”

“I think I will do what I want. Right now I want another drink.”

 

I walked out of Gray’s arm and sat down next to Loco who was on his phone and grabbed myself another shot. I wasn’t some child and these guys needed to understand it. For the next couple of hours we spent the night talking about music and drinking. I was about 4 shots in and decided I wanted to dance again and was trying to make my way to the stairs but Jay jumped up.

 

“Nope not happening.”

“But I wanna dance.”

“Then dance up here.”

“Will you dance with me?”

 

I smiled up at Jay who looked like I had just asked him how to cure cancer. I grabbed one of his hands and with my free hand I put is on his shoulder.

 

“It’s called dancing where we move our bodies to the music, like this.”

 

Jay was still standing there and I was trying to get him to dance with me. After a few more seconds of moving I saw a switch go off in his eyes and he was finally moving his body. He pulled me closer to him and started to sing along to the song that was currently playing. I kept trying to lower my face because looking in his eyes as he sang to me was turning me on. Every time I tried to look down his hand would come to my face lifting it to look back at him. The beat started to pick up and he turned me around but kept one of my arms around his neck and he lowered his face closer to my ear while both of his hands were on my hips guiding them to the beat. Either the booze or the fact that I could feel his breath on my neck and he was whispering the lyrics in my ear I was losing control of my body and having a hard time keeping up with the beat. My breath was picking up and I had to close my eyes to keep from moaning when I felt him get even closer to me and his grip grew tighter as he pulled me flush against him. I almost lost my balance with how quickly he pulled me in but he dropped one arm while the other went around my waist. We were completely flush against each other which wasn’t helping my breathing at all or my train of thought. The booze must have finally gotten to me because I could have sworn I felt something against my ass and heard him break from the lyrics to say something under his breath.

 

“What?”

 

I asked and he stepped back letting me go and said he had to go to the bathroom. I was left there shocked and left wondering what he had said. I wasn’t able to think much on it as Loco called me back to the couch.

 

“Sarah I think it’s time to switch you back to water.”

 

I agreed and took the water bottle he had offered me. I drank about half of the water when Jay had returned finally and realized I need to go to the bathroom as well. I stood up too quickly and felt myself sway a little on my feet.

 

“Hold on there.”

 

Gray stood to brace me and keep me up straight.

 

“I think it’s time you went home Princess.”

“Yeah but first little girls room.”

 

Gray grabbed me by the arm and was helping me down the stairs while the rest of the guys called for their sober driver.

 

“Can you handle this on your own?”

 

I looked up at Gray and laughed pinching his cheeks.

 

“Of course I can Oppa, I am a big girl and don’t need your help with going tinkle.”

  

Gray laughed as he let go of my arm allowing me to escape to the bathroom. After I handled my business I went to wash my hands and splashed some water on my face trying to sober up. It didn’t help at all. I walked back out to see Gray still there waiting for me.

 

“Come on lets you get you out of here. Jay is in the car waiting for you.”

 

I was lead out of the club and to the car and put in the backseat with Jay. I didn’t see Jay drinking that much and he was more sober then I was.

 

“Have fun tonight Sarah?”

“Oh yah tones of fun.”

 

I yawned and felt my head fall to his shoulder and my eyes close. I felt him try and shake me but I couldn’t open my eyes. I was beyond tired from drinking. I opened my eyes when I felt him lift me up.

 

“No don’t I can walk.”

“Stop squirming. I doubt you can actually walk since you can’t even keep your eyes open.”

 

He had a point, I was trying really hard to keep my eyes open but they kept closing as if they had a mind of their own. I felt him lay me on my bed and take my shoes off along with my top shirt and socks.

 

“Wait here.”

“Not going anywhere.”

  

I opened up my eyes as best as I could as I saw him leave the room. I felt super uncomfortable in these pants and my bra. I laid on my bed unbuttoning my pants and pulling them off with me and then tried to sit up to take my bra off. It took me a couple of tries to stay up straight enough to actually undo it and take it off while I had my tank top off. I was starting to get super frustrated with the fact that I couldn’t do this.

 

“God damn it.”

“Sarah what are you doing?”

 

I looked at Jay in my doorway as I sat there in my bed well more like laid sideways on my bed.

 

“Jay I can’t get this fucking thing off. It’s trying to strangle me.”

 

I had gotten the damn thing unclasped but got stuck somehow with getting my arms out of it but keeping my shirt on.

 

“Umm...let me help you.”

 

Jay walked over setting down a pill bottle and some water on my night stand, then helped me untangle myself from the damn bra and tank top straps. Once I was untangled he helped me get the thing off while keeping my shirt on.

  

“Oh my god thank you, that thing wanted to kill me.”

“Sure it did. Let’s get you in bed.”

 

Jay help me lay back and pulled the blanket out from under me to cover me up. It was then I realized that I was only in my tank and panties.

  

“Oh um sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. Get some sleep Sarah.”

 

I grabbed onto his arm and stopped him.

  

“Can you stay until I fall asleep?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Please it won’t take me long.”

“I….it’s just not a good idea.”

“Please?”

 

Jay sighed and told me to move over. I rolled over and made room for him as he laid on top of the covers.

 

“Just until you fall asleep.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

I rolled over so that I was facing him as he laid there with his arms behind his head looking up at the ceiling. I smiled and closed my eyes letting myself drift off to sleep.

 

 

 

** Jay **

I have no idea why I agreed to this. I laid there listening to her breathing as she slowly fell asleep. I knew I should get up but couldn’t make myself move, I stayed there in her bed listening to her sleep. I turned my head and smiled at her as I watched her, with her mouth parted a little bit allowing some little snores to escape her mouth. I turned back to look at the ceiling and let my eyes close.

 

_Just a few minutes and I will go back to my bed._

I told myself as I laid there.

 

My phone going off in the distance woke me up. I slowly opened my eyes to see Sarah’s messy hair.

 

_Shit._

I tried to not move and wake her while I assessed the current situation. I wasn’t laying on my back anymore. Instead I was laying on my side and Sarah was wrapped around me with her limbs. I had her wrapped in my arms with one of her legs hitched on my hip and one of mine in between hers. I was trying to think of how to get out of this without waking her but the scent from her hair along with the none stop ringing of my phone was making it hard to think. I felt her stir in my arms as she tried to burrow deeper into my chest. I needed to get out of there quickly before she wakes up fully. I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable as she was still in nothing but her tank top and panties, clearly she isn’t a fan of blankets having kicked hers off. With the continuation of the phone going off had stirred her enough to roll away from me.

 

“Hua fucking answer your phone I’m trying to sleep.”

 

With my freedom, I slowly rolled away from her and off the bed. Taking each step as quietly as I could out of the room before closing the door. I went back to the kitchen where I had discarded my jacket the night before and grabbed the ever annoying phone, it was Chase.

 

“Hello?”

“Jay where are you? You were supposed to be here hours ago to go over Sik’s new song.”

 

I pulled the phone away from my face to see it was 10am.

 

“Fuck. Ok let me change and I will be on my way.”

 

I ran back to my room and changed my clothes tossing on whatever my hands touched not caring what I looked like before grabbing my wallet and keys. On my way out the door I sent Sarah a quick text.

 

Jay: Sarah, if you are feeling up to it come down to the studio or just hang out at home today.

 

With Loco and Gray’s song that she was on being done I wanted to go over some things with her before we got set to release the music.

 

 

** Sarah **

_Fuck my life._

I rolled onto my back throwing my arm to cover my eyes in hopes that it would stop the world from spinning. My mouth felt dry and my stomach felt like it was ready to take its revenge on me. I needed a shower and some greasy food asap. I slowly as to not awaken the hangover beast inside me rolled out of my bed. I grabbed a towel and robe before heading off to the bathroom. The only noise in the apartment was being caused by me so I figured Jay had left for the day. I turned the shower on and looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was a mess and I had panda eyes from my makeup. I brought my hand up to run my fingers threw my hair and that’s when I smelt it. It was faint but still there, it was the same smell of Jay’s cologne. I brought some of my hair to my nose to smell it and then pulled my tank to my nose.

 

_What the actual fuck?_

I ran the events of last night threw my head as I stripped my clothes off. I remembered being at the club and then going home. I remember Jay carrying me upstairs and placing me in my bed and I remember asking him to stay.

 

“Oh fuck.”

 

I said out loud. Where had I gotten the courage to ask him that because sober me would never had asked that of him. Yeah I’m a big snuggler but never with a guy I actually had a crush on. I shook my head to rid my thoughts, 100% sure Jay had probably left as soon as I was asleep. I mean why on earth would he even stay? I finished washing myself and dried off before put on my robe and leaving the bathroom. I walked into my room and looked for my phone, once I found it I saw a text to Jay. Yeah I felt icky but once I got some water and food in me I would feel better so I sent him a quick reply.

 

Sarah: I’m going to grab some food and then head to the studio. Do you guys want anything?

 

As I waited for his response I put my phone on the charger and got dressed. Opting for some comfy clothes of leggings and an oversized shirt and jean jacket. As I was drying my hair I heard my phone go off and figured Jay had finally replied back. Once I was ready I grabbed my phone and saw that he did reply back.

 

Jay: No we are good.

 

I opted for something quick and not heavy on stomach to eat as I took a cab to the studio. Days like today made me miss my bike. It would be useless to get one here since I wasn’t sure how long I would actually be here and I still wasn’t use to the streets. With food in my stomach and a bottle of water I was feeling much better, not 100% but enough to function.

 

I arrived at the studio and went to the usual room we all worked in. I walked in to see Gray and Chase working on some beats and Loco sitting on the couch messing with his phone.

 

“Hey guys.”

 

Gray and Chase gave me a head nod but went back to what they were doing. Loco patted the couch next to him signaling me to come sit with him, I plopped down on the couch with a big exhale of air.

 

“Good morning sleeping beauty, how is your afternoon?”

“Blah, I’m still kind of sleepy but I’m here so there is that.”

 

Loco laughed and grabbed one of the throw pillows putting it in his lap.

 

“Lay down and relax. Jay is in the other room with Sik going over some stuff. You two got a pretty late start today.”

 

I looked up at him with a questioning look as I laid down on the couch resting my head on the pillow.

 

“Jay was late?”

“3 hours late to be exact. What did you two do when you left that made our punctual CEO late to work?”

“Nothing. We went right home and right to bed. Maybe you guys should stop dragging him out at night and actually let him get some sleep.”

 

I closed my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. He must have been tired after everything going on for him to be late. I tried not to think about it too much as I listened to the beat they were working on. It was slow and had a bit of sexiness mixed in with sadness, as if the beat was talking about a past lover that it missed. Even without lyrics I could picture a couple happy and in love smiling at each other but it then transformed to a man sitting on his empty bed with his head in his hands. Broken picture frames with pictures of the couple littered the bedroom floor. Gone was the smiling couple and left was a broken man filled with regrets. He lifted his head up to scan the room only to notice all of her clothes were gone from the shared dresser. Just as the beat was coming to a crescendo the man stands only to turn around and flip the mattress off the bed. I couldn’t help but let tears escape my eyes as what I was visioning in my head.

 

“Hey Sarah you ok?”

 

I opened my eyes to look up at Loco and gave him a smile. He responded by wiping away my tears.

 

“Then what’s with the tears?”

 

The beat stopped and I looked over at Gray and Chase.

 

“What I’m fine. That’s a good beat, it just really got to me.”

“It’s just a beat. What came to mind when you were listening to it?”

 

I rolled over to face Gray and Loco draped his arm over my stomach. I snuggled deeper into the couch enjoying the comfort that Loco gave off, it was nice to have while I explained what I had pictured while I listened to the beat.

 

“Interesting. We weren’t really sure where we were going to go with it, but what you explained could fit well with the beat. The beat could change as we are still developing it but I really like where your head is going with this. Technically we could give this off to one of the guys or we could even shoot this to Hoody to see if she can come up with anything.”

 

I smiled at Gray happy that I was actually contributing more to this then just my voice. If they needed lyrics I had a notebook full of them. Thoughts of using my lyrics on a song filled my head as I listened to them work on the beat more.

 

It was pretty late when Jay finally came into the room. I was still laying with my head in Loco’s lap singing along to our song we had playing in the room. We were just having fun and being lazy at the same time.

 

“Sorry guys. It’s pretty late and I still have stuff to work on here. Do you guys have anything to work on? I know I was supposed to go over stuff with you Sarah but we can just do that tomorrow at home since no one will be here tomorrow.”

 

Chase was the only one who had stuff to work on so he staid back. Gray and Loco offered to give me a drive back to the apartment since it was late. As we were walking to the car I suggested why not just grab some food and head back to the apartment to watch a movie. The guys were more than happy to hang out and we stopped off to grab some snacks and pizza, they wanted to grab some drinks but I shot that down telling them to give their liver a break for once. Once we got back to the apartment we moved the coffee table out of the way to make room and grabbed some blankets and pillows laying them out.

 

“Wow I haven’t had a night like this since I was little.”

 

I smiled at Loco, I didn’t doubt that. Once we got everything all set we brought some water and pizza over to where we were sitting and put on a movie. We ate while we watched a comedy and just enjoyed our time together not having a care in the world. Once the movie was over with we cleaned up the garbage and turned the lights off to get in the mood for a good scary movie I sat in the middle of the boys and enjoyed them taking turns scaring me. I really loved horror movies and the adrenaline rush it gave you when you were scared. Around the second movie we all transitioned from sitting up to laying back against the couch using the pillows to prop us up. I tried my best to keep my eyes open but it was no use and I felt my head fall back as my eyes closed.

 

** Gray **

I watched Sarah out of the corner of my eyes try and fight to stay awake but eventually she lost out. I sat forward and looked to Loco who had at some point laid out on his stomach and fell asleep, I called out his name but only got some snores in response. I looked at back at Sarah and knew if I let her stay that way she would be hurting in the morning. I gently lifted her head and helped her adjust to laying down with her head on the pillow and grabbed the blanket and tried to lay it over the three of us but Loco was too far away that it didn’t cover him. I tossed another one over him so that he wouldn’t get cold before I laid myself down on the ground and turned towards Sarah watching her sleep. I will admit I was the only one who was against her coming back with us only because I didn’t want her to get her hopes up of succeeding. Jay was right and she was amazing but I still worried about how things would play out once the fans heard her and eventually finding out that she isn’t Korean. Whatever happens I knew I would stay by her side and help her accomplish anything she wanted. I couldn’t really put my finger on when this happened but I found myself being drawn to her. Last night when I saw her come into the club in her new look I wanted to swoop her up in my arms and not let anyone near her. She looked gorgeous, she was still our Sarah but she had a sexy air about her. I kept my feelings in and didn’t let them out but the minute I saw her on the dance floor with that guy’s hands on her I lost all train of thought. It wasn’t my place to stop her from dancing with a guy but it would be a cold day in hell before I let any man touch her that way.

 

 I smiled at and brushed some hair out of her face causing her to smile and let a little moan escape her mouth. That one little moan that wasn’t meant to be sexual in anyway went straight to my dick waking it up. It’s been months since I was with anyone and even with all the girls here none of them could hold a light to her. I crossed my arms behind my head and just looked up at the ceiling trying to rid these indecent thoughts from my head. Just as I was closing my eyes I felt something land on my chest, my eyes shot open to see that Sarah had moved closer to me and had put her head on my chest using it as a pillow. The scent of her shampoo filled my nose causing me to close my eyes and a hand went below the blanket to try and adjust my ever growing dick. Now was so not the time for a hard on. I wrapped my free arm around Sarah holding her closer to me and felt her toss a leg up on me brushing my dick while she adjusted herself into a comfortable position. I held back my moan and clamped my eyes shut trying to recite the Korean Anthem in my head. With her comfortably laying in my arms I felt my dick relax and I let a sigh of relief out. I closed my eyes and thought of how much I wish I could keep her right here in my arms.

 

** Jay **

I slowly dragged myself to my door and put in my passcode to unlock the door. Today had been a fucking long ass day. It was almost 2am and I was so happy to have tomorrow off, all I really wanted to do was just lay around the house doing nothing. I walked through my door and kicked off my shoes. All the lights were off in the apartment leaving it in darkness except for the glow coming from the TV. I saw Loco laid out on my floor under a blanket and then saw the back of Gray also laying on the floor under a blanket. I didn’t see Sarah and figured she must be in her room sleeping. Before I woke the guys up I went to her room to check in on her but when I opened her door she wasn’t there, her bed looked untouched. I walked past the empty bathroom and checked my room and that was empty as well. I made my way back to the living thinking my sleepy brain missed her on the couch but she wasn’t there. As I got closer to the guys on the floor I noticed a lump under Gray’s blanket move. I stopped in my tracks as the blanket was moved out of the way to reveal Sarah laying in Gray’s arms. I felt like I was just kicked in the gut at what I was seeing. I couldn’t move and just watched the two of them laying in each other’s arms both sleeping without a care in the world. I felt anger build up inside me. It’s my arms that she should be in not his. I walked up to the two sleeping forms and pulled the blanket away from Sarah causing Gray to wake up.

 

“Hey Jay when did you get here?”

 

I didn’t say anything and moved Gray’s arm away from her while gathering her in mine.

 

“Dude just let her be, you’re going to wake her.” 

“No. If she sleeps here she will get sick. Why would you think its ok for her to sleep like this?”

 

I left Gray on the floor yawning and stretching out as I carried her to her room and laid her in her bed covering her up. I tried to be gentle but she woke for a brief moment.

 

“Jay?”

“Yeah it’s me, go back to sleep it’s still really late.”

 

I brushed some hair out of her face as she nuzzled her face into my hand letting out a soft purring sound. I smiled at how she reacted to me. I only ever wanted her to react this way with me and no other man. I pulled my hand away from her sleeping form and left her room closing the door before heading back to the living room. Gray was now a wake and sitting on the couch.

 

“Dude what gives? You could have left her here, it’s not like she will get sick. I had a blanket over her.”

“It’s late, if you want you can crash here or whatever. I’m fucking exhausted so I’m going to bed.”

 

I turned and left Gray there, I was in no mood to talk with him about this. All I wanted now was my bed since I knew Sarah was in her bed ALONE.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Sarah

I awoke to the sound of the front door closing. I groggily looked over to my night stand to see what time it was. It was late in the morning and not yet afternoon. I pulled the blankets closer to my face thinking about the other night. I still didn’t understand why Jay had carried me to my room last night. I would have been perfectly fine on the floor with Gray and Loco. But when he looked down on me as he brushed the hair from my face I couldn’t find it in me to argue with him. The warm feeling of his hand on my face just made me feel at peace, as if that’s all I needed in order to sleep well. I knew the direction my feelings for him were going, I really didn’t want them to mess with the work relationship we had but damn it if he didn’t make it impossible to not see him in that light every single time he was sweet to me. I laid there letting my mind drift to dangerous thoughts of a relationship we could have. It was dangerous because the more I thought of it the more I wanted it and that’s something we won’t ever have.

Instead of just lying there making myself emotional I decided to get up and see if the guys had all left. I walked out to the living room and sure enough the blankets were all folded up and sitting on the couch but Gray and Loco were not there. I went to the couch and collected the blankets making sure to put them away and fix up the living room from our movie night. I then set to the task of making some food for Jay and me. I have yet to see him ever eat at home and figured he hasn’t had a good home cooked meal in a long time. I didn’t get to extravagant with the food and just kept to the basics. I imagine it was the smell of the cooking meat that brought Jay to the kitchen rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He sat at the kitchen counter looking like he could easily fall back asleep. I couldn’t help but smile at how cute he was while I grabbed him a nice hot cup of coffee.

 

“Good morning sunshine.”

“Morning.”

“Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah. Hey next time make sure you take yourself to your bed before you fall asleep, it won’t be good for you to fall asleep on the floor. You could hurt your back or you could get sick.”

“I won’t, but thank you for that.”

 

I went back to cooking the rest of the breakfast as Jay sat there drinking his coffee watching me. I plated us both some food and joined him at the counter to eat. We both sat in a comfortable silence just eating our food, neither of us were fully awake enough to carry on a long conversation when one wasn’t needed. When we were both done eating I went to collect our plates and to clean up but Jay stopped me.

 

“I will clean up since you cooked. Why don’t you go get washed up and then we can talk about the songs.”

 

I thanked him and went off to collect my clothes before walking into the bathroom to shower.

 

Jay

It didn’t take me long to clean up the kitchen and decided I should probably also shower. Once I had on my sweatpants and a shirt I went back out to the living room and I sat on the couch looking at some emails while I waited for Sarah to come out of her room. She had been in there for a while and I was starting to wonder if she fell back asleep when I heard her door open and her footsteps come down the hall. I looked up to see her in an oversized shirt and pajama shorts, she looked adorable and I smiled at her as I patted the spot on the couch next to me. I was a little hurt when she sat down a little farther from me but then even more surprised when she went to rest her head in my lap instead of sitting down. I just looked down at her with a surprised look on my face that must have looked a little panicked because she went to sit up. I pushed her head back down and told her its fine.

 

“So what do we have to talk about?”

 

I opened up my calendar on my phone and handed it to her choosing to rest my head on my closed hand so I could look down at her as I explained that the music will be released next Friday and it would be picked up by a few different radio’s here. I mentioned that both Gray and Loco would go to do radio interviews to talk about the new songs but that of course she would have to sit back on this one.

 

“Don’t worry too much, if this goes well then the next time you can go to do the interviews. The guys will bring up your name and talk about the new artist that they are working with. They won’t get into too much detail about who you are but they will talk about working with you. We will try and get your name out there in a positive way and wait to see how the fans take it. I know they will be curious and will start to dig for information on you. So make sure you have everything confidential that you are posting to social media.”

 

I didn’t want to scare her but there are some fans out there who are pretty good with their detective skills and I didn’t want them to get the truth on Sarah before the fans could make their choice on whether or not they could accept her.

With the work stuff out of the way we settled in on the couch to watch some shows. I was rather curious about the show that her and Chase were always talking about so we decided to watch some of it. I was pleasantly surprised with the show, it had just the right amount of action to the story and lots of nudity. I asked her if they really allowed this kind of stuff on TV back in the states and she said it’s on cable and its aired at night. It was around the third episode that I found myself resting my face on my hand that was propped up on the couch but the other hand had draped itself over her stomach was I was lazily rubbing my thumb in a circle motion on her arm. Without moving my head or stopping my thumb I slowly lowered my gaze to see a small smile on her face, I took it as she didn’t mind so I didn’t stop what I was doing.

It was really late and I could feel my eyes wanting to shut when I finally looked down at Sarah to find her sleeping. The whole day she never left my side, whenever we would return back to the couch she would always go back to laying on her side with her head resting in my lap. It made me happy to know she wanted to stay near me and that she wasn’t bothered at all when my hands would rub her arm or play with her hair. I loved these moments and even though I knew it was wrong I wanted to steal more moments like today with her as long as I could.

I held back my yawn knowing I needed to get her to bed so I turned the TV off and lifted her head allowing me to get up off the couch. I took a moment to be a total creep and grabbed my phone and snapped a picture of her sleeping. She had the most beautiful look on her face with her hair trying to cover her face up. Just as I did the night before I lifted her off the couch and carried her to her room and laid her in her bed. This time she didn’t wake and I wished she had if only to ask me to stay again. I went back to grab her phone to bring it back to her room and placed it on the charger. With her tucked into her bed and everything in order I went to my own room to crawl into my bed letting my eyes close and drifted off to sleep thinking of how much I enjoyed everything we did today.

 

Sarah

The week had flown by with all of us in the studio working on music. I was being put on some more songs with the guys including Jay. It was really nice working with them all and it helped me stay busy instead of thinking of Friday. Gray and Loco weren’t worried like I was about the songs being released. The whole week Jay always made sure that we didn’t stay late in the studio instead we spent the nights in front of the TV with some food and watched more episodes of Game of Thrones. I was rather happy with myself that I was able to get him hooked because Chase had told me that he had been trying to get Jay to watch an episode for years but he never would. Each night after we would finish eating we would clean up the mess and would go back to the couch with me resting my head in Jay’s lap. The first time I did this I felt kind of upset with myself when I saw the surprised expression on his face. Thinking I had crossed the line finally but when he pushed me back down I knew things were still good. I don’t know if Jay really meant to play with my hair or my arm but he always did. Feeling him twirl strands of my hair around his finger or when he would give me a gentle scalp massage was by far the best feeling in the world.

Thursday night wasn’t any different than the rest of the week. We spent our nights on the couch and like most nights I would awake in the middle of the night to find myself in my bed. I had told Jay to just wake me and that I would walk back to my room. I was afraid that I was too heavy for him but he brushed me off saying he needed to feed me more because I was way too light in his arms. The way he said in his arms made those damn little butterflies in my stomach flutter. I used to hate reading that line in a book or hearing it in the movies, I always felt like it was too girly and stupid. Nope not anymore. I now knew exactly what they were feeling and I loved it.

I awoke around 3am unable to sleep. I laid there tossing and turning in my bed and I could hear the sound of rain hitting the windows even with my door closed. I threw my covers off in a huff and got out of bed deciding to go make myself a drink hoping to calm my nerves. I made sure to open my door as quietly as possible and tipped toe to the kitchen. I grabbed a glass and poured myself a drink before going to window and sitting down with just the light on from the lamp by the couch. I didn’t want too many lights on thinking maybe it would wake Jay. I just sat there taking sips off my drink and watching the rain fall and the lightning dance across the sky. The weather matched what I was feeling, a storm raging on the outside and the inside. I was anxious that people would hate me on the songs. That they would some way find out my true identity and I would have to leave. That’s what scarred me, I didn’t want to leave the guys. My feelings were growing every day for Jay and it scared me but also excited me at the same time. Loco and Chase were the best brothers I could ask for. My relationship with Gray was by far the most confusing. It wasn’t a sibling relationship between us but it wasn’t one of an intimate couple. It was like we were in some weird limbo. I knew I could fall for Gray just as easily as I did for Jay if I let myself. I pushed the thought out of my mind as I took another drink from the glass letting the amber liquid burn on its way down. I could feel myself getting sleepy and decided to just down the rest before I returned back to my bed and falling into a deep sleep.

 

Jay

I could hear her moving around and figured she was probably thirsty and only getting a glass of water before she returned to her bed. I know I should be sleeping but here I was lying in bed wondering how the fans would react to the new songs. Would they like that there was a random unknown artist on their track? Would they like Sarah’s voice? I knew she would do well but I still worried. I didn’t want her coming with us to be for nothing. We all had our little doubt if this would work, the fans could be cruel or they could be loving.

I laid there for a few more minutes to hear if she closed her door, but I didn’t hear the door shut. I threw my covers off and got up wanting to see what she was up to this late at night. I opened my door quietly and walked out towards the kitchen expecting her to be drinking something. When she didn’t come into view I turned the corner and found her. She was sitting next to the windows on the ground with her knees pulled close to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. A glass full of some kind of drink sat at her feet, the only light on was the small lamp on the end table next to her. It barely illuminated the area but it put a warm soft glow on her. With the sounds of the rain pelting the glass and the lightning lighting up the room every now and then I couldn’t think of anything more beautiful and dangerous. Two words that shouldn’t be used to describe the same scene but those two fit this perfectly. Before me sat a girl who has been slowly capturing my heart from the second I saw her on that stage. Had she been any other female I would have done what I wanted, taken her in my arms and kissed her with all my want and lust, but she wasn’t just any girl. She was someone I wanted to protect…..... she was someone I couldn’t have. I wanted her and the thought of not being able to have her in my arms was something I didn’t want to think of. I was known as a player, someone who often had many women in my arms and there is always someone taking pictures to have the proof of this. I’m still young so why shouldn’t I enjoy the night life and everything it had to offer. I didn’t want to get her mixed up with that life, I didn’t want to see her upset over a picture of me and some random woman on my arm. There was no escaping that part of my life, it came with the job. I had to do something before this warm feeling in my chest grew any further. I slowly backed away and went back to my room making sure I didn’t disturb her. This week had been better than I could have expected, every day we were getting closer than we were the day before. I knew this dream land I was living in needed to come to an end. I couldn’t allow her to get anymore attached to me then she already was. I laid in my bed closing my eyes forming a plan in my head on how to distance myself from the only girl I wanted in my arms.

 

Sarah

Friday was finally here and I just sat in the studio a big nervous mess. I couldn’t work on any of the music with my head being where it was. The guys all tried to get me out of the funk but couldn’t spend too much time on me as they had to work too. Come the afternoon Jay sent me home and told me to get some rest. He was getting ready to head to the radio station to do an interview with Gray and Loco. I took a cab home and hated it, being home alone was the worst. I didn’t have much of an appetite and sat on the couch with the TV off just eating crackers out of the box. When it came time for the interview I rushed to my bedroom and grabbed my laptop turning it on and finding the website that would have the live video from the interview. I sat it down and grabbed my pillow holding it close to my chest as I chewed on my finger. The screen came to life showing the DJ talking and then introducing Jay and the guys. They all looked so at ease like they didn’t have a care in the world. They talked about the state tour they just completed and the guys shared some stories from the road. Then they got to talking about the songs.

 

“So I hear that there is another artist on one of Loco’s and Gray’s song? Care to talk about that?”

“Yeah it was an artist’s we came across, I heard her performing and just knew I had to bring her back here to work with us. She is extremely talented but I will let the guys talk about that.”

 

Before Gray could speak Loco jumped at the chance.

 

“She is extremely talented. I have worked with new artists and there is always the challenge of introducing them to a song and hoping they catch on. She caught on very quickly and added a bit of uniqueness to the song. Plus having her in the studio also helped lighten the place up. We all sit around joking and having fun.”

“How about you Gray? How was it working with the new artist?”

“I love having her around and working with her is a breeze. She is so easy to work with and like Loco said she picks up on things really quickly. The other day we were working on beat and she was on the couch with Loco and she got lost in the beat. I won’t get into too much detail but when she explained the way she felt and what she envisioned with the beat just blew me away. It was a raw beat and usually takes time to envision where it will go but she just grabbed onto and road it out. I am really excited to have her voice out there for other people to enjoy. I’m even more excited for us to actually get around to making the MV for our song.”

“Oh really? Do you already have a concept in mind?”

“I do actually, although I still need to run it by our CEO but I am sure he will like it too.”

“Ok well let’s go ahead and play the songs and we will open up the messenger to the fans to send in their thoughts.”

 

The DJ played the two songs back to back first starting with Loco and then doing Gray’s song. When they came back they were reading off the comments coming in from the fans and they were all really positive. Most of them were about how they loved the new song and that Loco and Gray were amazing as usual. Then a few of the comments came in about me, they said they loved the new voice and it was like listening to an Angel sing. I threw my face into the pillow letting a little girly scream escape. Things were going good and the fans were really liking me. The DJ thanked the guys for coming and sharing the new music and then the video feed went dark. I closed my laptop and went back to the living room to wait for Jay to get home. I was so excited to hear what he thought.

 

Jay

The ride home I was really excited to tell Sarah how well the song was doing and that the fans were loving her part. I unlocked the door and stepped in and saw her sitting on the couch looking like she was ready to bounce around the house with how happy she looked. The energy she was giving off was addicting and I let a big wild smile cross my face and that’s all it took. She shot up off the couch and ran at me full speed jumping into my arms laughing.

 

“Oh my god they love it!”

“They do baby girl.”

 

I felt her stiffen and didn’t even realize that I had said what I did. I let her feet touch the ground before I pulled away making sure to keep the smile on my face and not trying to give her any impression that I was panicking on the inside.

 

“They really do love the song, have you been checking twitter or any of the social media accounts. I’m sure they are all positive.”

 

I tried to distract her, when I pulled her away she still had this smile on her face but there was something else behind it and I couldn’t place what the emotion was. I didn’t mean to call her that, it had just slipped out of my mouth. Everyone calls her princess around the studio but this was different and I was angry at myself for calling her that. This wasn’t part of my plan and I need to start putting some distance between us.

 

“No I hadn’t even thought to check them.”

 

She turned around and went back to the couch and sat down while I went to the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of wine pouring us both a drink. I brought her a glass and handed it to her sitting down next to her. I drank my wine as I watched her scroll through her phone reading the comments that were coming up.

 

“Jay they really want to know who I am. What will we do?”

“We will let them take it all in and we could always do a phone interview for a radio station. That way they can hear you and you can answer some questions but they won’t be able to see your face. Let’s not worry about that right now. Just enjoy this right now. Congratulations Sarah you really did it!”

 

I brought my glass up to her and we clinked glasses.

 

“I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you Jay.”

 

She smiled up at me before she scooted closer to rest her head on my shoulder as she continued to read the comments. I couldn’t let her stay like this. Instead I finished my glass and told her I was going to turn in early. I put my glass in the kitchen and went to take a shower trying to remind myself that the space was needed. Once I was done in the shower I turned my lights off and climbed into bed. I wasn’t tired at all but I couldn’t sit out there with her no matter how much I wanted to. This was everything to her and I was pushing her away, I just hope it didn’t her hurt that much.

I was lying in bed for maybe an hour just trying to relax and fall asleep when my door flew open and Sarah came rushing in with her phone and jumped onto my bed.

 

“Oh my god Jay look at these comments!”

 

She scooted closer and laid on her stomach right next to me and handed me her phone.

 

“Knocking would be a common curtsy Sarah.”

“Oh yeah sorry, but look!”

 

I rolled my eyes at her, she was really testing myself control right now. I looked at her phone to see comments on Gray’s IG account under the small video of him listening to the new song. It was the part that they shared together. The comments were the normal “oppa I love you” or “oppa looks so cute” and “oppa’s song is lit”. Then mixed in were the comments about Sarah. They were talking about how sexy her voice is and of course that they wanted to know what she looked like. There were also some asking if she was dating Gray because they sounded amazing together. Others were begging Gray to show a picture of Sarah and the rest were asking when the next song would come out with her or when she would have her own song. They were all very positive but I didn’t really care for the ones about her and Gray sounding good together.

 

“Yeah these are good, I am very happy for you.”

 

Sarah turned to her side and snuggled up close to me letting her head rest on my chest.

 

“I am so happy right now I could just scream. I can’t wait to get back into the studio and work on some music. When do you think I will get my own song?”

“Let’s wait and see how the other songs do for now. If they go as good as these two then we can get started on your own song.”

 

She threw her arm over me and pulled me close to her in a one sided hug.

 

“Thank you Jay. I really really appreciate all you are doing for me.”

 

I looked down at her to see a small smile on her lips and I just wanted to pull her close and kiss that smile. I held back and gave her a smile and told her it was nothing. She shook her head and said it was everything before she sat up a bit and kissed my cheek before taking her phone and walking out of my room making sure to close the door. I was left alone in the complete darkness of my room with my cheek feeling as if it was on fire from her kiss. I didn’t know what to do at that moment but knew I needed to do something to put more space in between us before I did something stupid.

 

Sarah

The whole ride to the studio today was just weird. Between his baby girl nickname and me actually being in his bed and kissing him I just wasn’t sure what to think. When we got to the studio we walked in with him going to his office and me going to the usual room. When I got inside no one was there yet and I needed something to do to get my mind off this weird feeling I had. I decided to pull out my laptop and pull up the program Chase had showed me for creating some beats. I put my headphones on and just sat on the couch playing around with it. It was hard at first figuring things out but I eventually got the feel of it and it was moving along smoothly. I was so lost in what I was doing I didn’t even realize that Gray had showed up until he plopped down next to me pulling an ear bud out of my ear.

 

“Well good morning princess.”

“Morning Gray.”

“What are you working on?”

 

I tried to close my laptop and say it was nothing but he plucked it out of my hand and put the free earbud in his ear allowing him to hear what I was working on. I watched his face for any kind of clue as to what he was thinking. This was just me playing around and I really wasn’t trying to make anything out of it.

 

“This is pretty good, it needs work but its good. I like it and with a little more work it would be really good. If you need any help just let me or Chase know and we can give you some pointers.”

“Thanks, I mean it’s nothing really. I was just messing with it while I waited for you guys to come in.”

“Keep working on it princess and I’m sure it will be even better. Practice makes perfect, speaking of practice it’s time for us to work on this song.”

 

I saved the beat and put my stuff away as Gray got everything set up for us. The rest of the day was spent with us working on the song trying to make it as perfect as possible. It was another fast-paced song with a strong base to it. The beat really made the room shake and I wondered what it would sound like in the club. We only took breaks to get some food in us and to go over what we had to see what we needed to fix. By 7 Loco showed up and told us to call it a day and that we needed to go out to celebrate how good the songs were doing. I was on the same mind frame as Loco, I really wanted to go out and celebrate with the guys. Loco told me where to be before him and Gray took off to get ready and I went to find Jay. He was in his office going over something when I walked in.

 

“Hey the guys want to go out and we should probably head home to get ready as well.”

“Yeah sure.”

 

Jay stood from his desk grabbing his stuff and we made our way home. Again the silence between us wasn’t normal and I was sick of it.

 

“Everything good Jay?”

“Yeah. Just a lot on my mind.”

“If you want to talk I am always here, I’m a good listener.”

“No I am fine but thanks.”

 

The rest of the drive I didn’t say a single thing, there was something up with him but if he didn’t want to share then there was nothing I could do. When we got home he went to his room to get dressed and I went to mine.

I pulled out a pair of super low hip hugging black jeans that had rips all over the legs. When I was shown those, I made the comment of ‘what was the point I mind as well wear shorts’ but I was starting to really like them. They hugged my ass perfectly and sat low on my hips with only one button and a very short zipper. I paired it with black tube top and a jean vest. The shoes were a pair of timberland boots that I didn’t bother tying up all the way. I gave myself a smoky eye but kept the makeup minimal and tossed my hair up into a messy bun. I walked out to find jay in a pair of jeans and one of his famous silk shirts that was half unbuttoned. He looked like he was pure sin sent from the devil to tempt even the purest of women to come roll with him in his bed. Again nothing was said during our drive, but he looked angry now instead of just blank. I wanted to know what the hell was going on with him but knew if I asked again nothing would be said. Instead I would ask the guys to try and get it out of him.

We arrived at the club and walked in to find Gray, Loco, and Chase in the VIP room having some drinks but today we had another addition to the usual group. Christian Yu was there today tossing back drinks with the guys. I walked over sat next to Gray and greeted him. I knew of him because I followed him on IG and enjoyed the pictures he would post, he was a very attractive man. We were all having fun laughing and having some drinks and I felt the urge to get up and go dance, Gray must have sensed it because he came in close to whisper in my ear.

“Don’t forget Princess, no going off on your own. You take one of us with you or you dance up here.”

“I swear you guys are the worst. I am more than capable of handling myself.”

 

Christian must have heard our attempt at whispering because he looked over at us with a puzzling look.

 

“Who can handle themselves?”

 

Gray took the chance and explained to him what happened last time we were all out together and said that it was a rule now that someone has to be with me to protect me from the pervs of the club. Christian must have found this hilarious because he threw his head back and left out a loud laugh.

 

“Does she want to dance? I will go take her for a spin down there.”

 

Before Gray could say something, I jumped up grabbing Christian’s hand and dragged him to the stairs.

 

“Sorry about that but Gray probably wouldn’t have even let me come down here and would have demanded I stay up there. I really am capable of dancing alone.”

“It’s fine really, I like dancing.”

 

We made our way to the dance floor and let the music take over. I don’t know how long we were down there dancing and having fun. He really was a good dancer and I saw lots of jealous faces in the crowd of women who wanted to be the one dancing on this man. When we finally escaped the dance floor and made our way upstairs we noticed that Jay wasn’t there.

 

“Where did Jay go?”

 

Gray shrugged and pulled me down to the couch next to him.

 

“Don’t know, he got a phone call and left.”

“Do you guys know what’s going on with him? He has been pretty weird since last night.”

 

The guys looked at each other and shook their heads.

 

“Sarah you live with the man, if anyone were to have a clue it would be you.”

 

Loco had a point but I had no idea what was going on.

 

“Enough of this talk, it’s our time to celebrate our music so let’s just do that. Let our moody CEO go do his own thing. When he is ready to come back and be his normal self then he will.”

 

With that Gray ended the discussion and poured us all shots. Jay was not mentioned the rest of the night and we all drank and had a blast being us.

The end of the night came all too soon and Gray offered to bring me home but I said it would be pointless and that a cab would be just as good. Gray waited for me until I could get a cab and told the driver to make sure I got home ok. Always the sweet gentlemen that Gray. I thought as the cab pulled away from the curb.

The ride home didn’t take that long and before I knew it I was home. All I wanted to do was wash my makeup off and fall face first into my bed. I had reached my limit of drinks and Gray had switched me to water wanting me to be somewhat sober before I went home. He really didn’t have to worry about me being sober because what I came home to made me sober up real quick.

I unlocked the door and did my best to not make any noise thinking maybe Jay would have already been home and I didn’t want to make him any angrier then what he probably was. When I got in and was taking off my boots I noticed Jay’s shoes were not the only ones there. I stood there frozen for a moment staring at the pair of high heels that looked as if they cost a fortune. It was then that I heard it. The sounds of moaning coming from down the hall. I slowly and quietly moved from where I was frozen in the entry way and turned toward my room. The floor was littered with clothing. Seeing Jay’s shirt on the floor mixed with the unknown woman’s shirt and bra made my stomach turn. All the drinks and food I consumed were threatening to exit my body in the most painful way possible. I made sure to step over the clothing and I knew I should have walked right to my room but my feet kept going. His door was slightly open and I screamed at my legs to stop and to turn around but they kept going until I was standing in his door looking through the crack that was left open. I felt as if I was being stabbed in the stomach with the dullest butter knife ever made. There stood Jay with an unknown woman’s legs over his shoulders as he pounded into her. The moans were being mixed with the sound of their flesh slapping together, along with the smell of sex being pungent in the air and it made me even more sick. Hearing her call out his name was my breaking point. I turned and went to my room shutting my door and sliding down to the floor with my back against the door. I didn’t even bother trying to hold back the tears. I let them freely fall from my eyes as I felt not only as if I was being stabbed in the stomach but also my heart. My phone going off in my pocket made me jump and I quickly grabbed it before the ringing would alert the two in the other room that I was here.

 

Gray sparkles: Are you home yet?

Sarah: Yeah

Gray sparkles: Is Jay home yet?

Sarah: Yeah

Gray sparkles: Ok, good night princess.

Sarah: night

 

I turned my phone to silent and went from sitting against the door to laying on the floor with my feet curled up to my chest. I laid there trying to hold myself together as if I were to move or let myself go I would shatter into a million pieces. Jay wasn’t mine at all and he never was. He was just my boss and friend trying to help me get into the industry. I should never have allowed myself to get close to him. I didn’t bother moving from the spot and just laid there crying myself to sleep over a man I never had.


	7. Chapter 7

** Sarah **

My body felt cold, the stiffness in my limbs along with the pulsating pain behind my eyes still could not compare to pain I still felt in my chest. I slowly pushed myself up to a sitting position and just sat there looking at my hands still flat against the cold floor. I could hear movement from on the other side of my door. I imagined it was probably them coming to collect their clothing that was scattered all over the floor. I braced myself with one hand on the wall as I slowly made an attempt to stand. My vision was blurry and the room was moving on its own. Once I was standing I leaned against the wall trying to collect myself before I slowly made my way to my bed only to pull the blankets back and slowly lower myself onto it. I pulled the blankets up over my head trying to hide away from the world. I knew I should get up and go in search of food and something to calm the pain in my body, but I couldn’t make myself get up just yet. I didn’t want to go out there and have to face them. I silently prayed that they would leave and I could exit my room and try and make myself feel a little bit better.

It was maybe another 30 minutes before I heard the front door open and close. I laid there for another 5 minutes listening as best I could for any footsteps that would give away if Jay was here or not. Once I didn’t hear anything I got up and grabbed my robe and a towel before going to the bathroom. Once I was washed and felt a little better I got dressed and found some medicine to help with the pain. When I looked in the mirror it was obvious that I wasn’t feeling well and looked like shit with my puffy face and eyes. I really just wanted to get out of the apartment but I also didn’t want to see anyone. I ate some crackers before I grabbed a cold face mask and heading back to my bed. I kept the lights off and put the mask on before pulling the covers back over my head. I said a little prayer up that Jay would stay away for the whole day.

I woke up to someone shaking me and calling out my name. I pulled the covers closer to my body and told whoever it was to go away. I was to groggy from the medicine I took and still feeling icky.

 

“Time to get up princess.”

 

My covers were ripped away from me and I was left there in my pants trying to pull my legs as close as possible to keep warm.

 

“Give me back the covers its freezing.”

“Well princess if you turned the heat on it wouldn’t be cold. Now it’s time to get up.”

 

I knew who it was and I didn’t want to face Gray right now. I shook my head and tried to keep my body from shivering.

 

“Please Gray I am cold.”

 

I rolled over to face him and looked up at him. I could feel that the face mask had fallen off at some point and I had just hoped that my face wasn’t as puffy anymore.

 

“What’s up princess? Are you not feeling good?”

 

Gray threw the covers back over me before he came to sit on my bed and checked my head for a fever.

 

“I wasn’t feeling good this morning and took something for it. I feel better but now I’m freezing.”

“Mover over.”

 

I scooted over and Gray pulled the blankets back before laying down and pulling me closer to him. His body was warm and my ice-cold body tried to move as close to him as possible in an attempt to steal some of his heat. He put his arms around me and rubbed my back trying to help warm me up.

 

“Why didn’t you or Jay turn on the heat? It’s going to start getting cold out. We can’t have you catching any kind of colds now can we. Speaking of our CEO where the hell is he? He was home when you got home last night right?”

“Yeah he was home, he had company. They left this morning and I don’t know where they went.”

“Oh, man had I known I would have had you come crash at my place or at Loco’s place.”

“It’s fine. I mean it was bound to happen. Jay doesn’t need to hold back on my account just because I’m staying here. When do you think I can start looking for a place of my own? I hate feeling as if I am holding Jay back from living his bachelor life.”

“Well once you put your own music out I am sure we can look for a place. If you ever need to escape you know you can always crash at my place. You don’t always have to stay here.”

“Thanks Gray.”

“No problem princess, I just want to make sure you are happy and comfortable.”

“Mhmm.”

 

I snuggled closer to him and closed my eyes. Just wanting a few more minutes of sleep. I laid there letting the heat from his body warm up mine and the sound of his heart helping put me to sleep.

I woke this time to the sound of a phone going off, it wasn’t mine so I figured it must have been Gray’s. I knew I was correct when I felt him move his arm that was still holding me to him to reach into his pocket. I rubbed my face against his chest happy to be warm again and feeling better.

 

“Hello? Oh hey Loco, no I am at Sarah’s right now. Yeah….not it’s fine. Ok sure hold on. Hey princess Loco wants to talk to you.”

 

Gray handed me his phone but I made sure to stay close to his body not wanting to let the cold find me again.

 

“Hello?”

“Well good evening Sarah. What were you and Gray doing that you are both still sleeping at this hour?”

“Nothing. I wasn’t feeling good so Gray was here helping to make me feel better. We both fell asleep. Why what’s up?”

“Just wanted to know if you guys wanted to come hang out?”

“I don’t know it’s cold and I just want to stay in bed.”

“Ok well then I will let you get back to resting. If you need anything don’t forget you can always call me.”

“I know, thanks Loco.”

 

I handed Gray back his phone and looked up to him as he talked to Loco on the phone. He hung up the phone and stuck it back into his pocket.

 

“So we are staying in bed then today?”

 

I laughed and smiled up at him getting lost in his eyes. His hand came up to my face to cup it while he rubbed his thumb on my temple.

 

“Princess I don’t think you know how precious you are. As much as I want to just lay here with you I feel that I should get some food in that belly of yours.”

 

My stomach took that time to make its self-known so we got up and left the house to get food. The rest of the day was spent just walking around town looking into some shops and buying some new clothes for Gray. It was nice just doing something normal, I use to do this all the time with Park back home and I really missed this sense of normalcy. By the time we got back to the apartment it was late and even though I had slept most of the day away I was still feeling pretty tired. I told Gray that I would see him tomorrow and thanked him for the day before I climbed out of his car and going into the apartment. When I walked in I could hear Jay in his office and didn’t want to bother him so I went into my room and shut my door. Instead of washing my face I just grabbed a cleansing towelt and used that to wash my face. I still didn’t want to deal with him or hear what he had to say. I was still hurting even though I knew I had no right to. I climbed back into bed and put my phone on the charger and double checked that the alarm was set.

**__ **

**_ 3 months later _ **

The past few months have been amazing but at the same time very trying. The music part of my life is doing extremely well, the AOMG fans love the songs I am on and I even did some call-in interviews. I was finally introduced to the fans with Gray’s music video. When that was aired we all sat back waiting to hear the reactions of the fans and while some were negative the majority of them were positive. Because things went so well Jay has given me the green light to go ahead and start working on a few of my own songs. Things with the guys with the exception have been great. Loco helps me out as much as he can and we have a movie night at least once a week. I even got Gray to watch some Game of Thrones with me, he isn’t as into as Jay and Chase are but he sits down with me and watches it. I have gotten closer to Gray over the months because of how Jay has been acting. Jay has started seeing this woman named Kim Baem, she is a very high-class kind of woman and matches her name very well. When it’s just me and Gray I have taken to calling her the snake because she truly was a snake. I try and avoid the apartment as much as possible when she is over because I can’t stand to see her wrapped around Jay. I tried to hide my disdain for her but she saw it and I swear to god she smirks at me because she knows I hate seeing them together. My relationship with Jay is strained, where we use to be comfortable with each other and joke around we now only speak about work. When we are at work he even snaps over little shit and gets angry when I have Gray over to watch a movie or to just go over work stuff. Because of this Gray is helping me look for my own place, I still don’t have the money I need to find my own place but Gray is helping with that. I could have easily called home and asked my dad but I didn’t want him to know what was going on. Right now, my family back home only knew that things were going well with work and that’s how I wanted to keep it, they didn’t need to know about the days that I felt as if I was going to break completely.

Little did I know that today was going to be one of those days that just felt as if it was going to break you into pieces. I was at the studio going over some work with Chase for my new songs and things were going well but not as good as they should. The beat was fine but the lyrics were a mess. I blamed the emotional rollercoaster I was currently on because my mind just couldn’t work the way I needed it.

 

“This is all crap. I can’t use any of these lyrics Chase.”

“Sarah just relax, you know this isn’t easy.”

“I know that but this is bullshit. I can’t put this shit out there.”

 

I grabbed the sheets with the lyrics and threw them at the trash can. I felt as if this rubber band inside me was getting stretched out and at some point it was going to snap.

 

“Sarah chill.”

“I’m sorry Chase. How about this let me run back to the apartment, I have a notebook full of lyrics that would fit this perfectly. I don’t know why I didn’t bring the damn thing with me.”

“Sure do that and while you are there grab something for me. Jay was supposed to be in after his meeting this morning but he hasn’t shown up. He has some stuff I need for some songs and I don’t really feel like staying here all night working on it. It’s on the blue USB labeled CHACHA, I bet its sitting right on his desk because we were going over it last night on the phone. Just grab that for me will you?”

“Yeah no problem, I will be back in a little bit.”

 

I grabbed my jacket and stuff before walking out and catching a cab back to the apartment. I paid the driver when we arrived and jogged into the apartment as it was starting to get cold out and I forgot to grab a hat or gloves. The elevator ride up I just kept reminding myself that I need to not let this shit with Jay get to me and I need to just focus on the music. I unlocked the door to the apartment and stepped in taking my boots off and it was just like the first night except there wasn’t any trail of clothing. I could hear him and the snake going at it, her fake shrills of pleasure bouncing off the walls of the apartment. The sound made my skin crawl and I felt instantly dirty just being in the same space as her. I went to my room and tried to block out the sounds coming from his room. I found my notebook quickly but decided to also pack some extra clothes. I threw in a few days worth of clothes and my electronics. I need time away from this bullshit. Once I had everything I needed I sat my bag down by the door and went back to Jay’s office. The sounds were getting louder and coming quicker, her shrills mixed in with his grunts didn’t sound right together. It was as if you mixed the sounds of tiger purring and the sounds of a hyena laughing, they didn’t sound right together. I tried to find the damn thing before they finished but it wasn’t anywhere. I sat in Jay’s chair trying to dig around for it and I didn’t even realize that they had gone silent until I heard Jay’s voice.

 

“Grab me some water will you.”

_FUCK!_

 

I was trying to go faster and wishing I had closed the office door because I so didn’t want to see that snake right now, fresh from fucking the man that I had fallen for. I was going through the drawers when she walked into the office.

 

“Do you even belong in here? You shouldn’t be touching things that aren’t yours.”

 

I rolled my eyes and kept looking, she didn’t even deserve a response.

 

“Hello I am talking to you little girl!”

“WHAT!”

 

I snapped glaring at her as I slammed one of the drawers shut. I sat back in the desk chair feeling my heart rate pick up and my nails dig into my hand as I made a fist.

 

“What do you want Baem? I am trying to find something for Chase, go about your business and go fetch Jay his water.”

“Excuse me? Who do you think you are to talk to me like that!”

 

She started walking towards me in her robe and I stood up slamming both hands on Jay’s desk.

 

“Why don’t you come a little closer and find out.”

“SARAH! What the fuck.”

 

Jay walked in right past the snake and stepped in her path stopping her from getting closer to me. The snake walked up to him linking her arm with his and resting her head on his shoulder.

 

“Baby that little girl was being very rude to me, I told her she shouldn’t be in here.”

 

I rolled my eyes at the sickly display she was putting on, she always did this. She showed her true colors with me but when she was around the guys or Jay she always put on this innocent mask. I hated her more and more.

 

“Sarah what are you doing in here.”

“I came back to grab something and Chase told me to get his USB that you were supposed to bring him.”

“You should have called.”

“Didn’t know I had to call before coming back to the place I lived. Where is the USB and I will be on my way and you two can go back to do whatever the fuck you are doing.”

“Chase could have waited.”

“Well since you didn’t show up and decided to come get your dick wet instead. He sent me, he doesn’t want to wait around all night for you to finish blowing your load inside her.”

“Sarah watch your mouth.”

“Give me the USB Jay and don’t worry about my mouth.”

 

Jay looked pissed with his bare chest rising with every breath he took and the vein in his neck protruding. I was starting to get use to this Jay, gone was the nice sweet one that called me baby girl. Here was Jay in his true form. He pulled away from the snake going back into his room.

 

“Poor little Sarah, she keeps running her mouth when she should learn her place. Don’t worry little Sarah, you will learn your place real soon.”

 

She walked closer to the desk and lowered her voice.

 

“Keep pushing him little girl and I will make sure you will be on a plane heading back to the states. You should never have come here. Jay is mine now and there is nothing you can do about it, keep being a little bitch to me and see what happens.”

 

Just as I was about to grab her Jay walked back into the room and tossed the USB onto the desk. I grabbed it and walked right past them the smell of sex and cheap perfume stunk up the air space in the office and I just wanted away from it but stopped in the door way.

 

“Baem you might want to shower or buy some new perfume, you smell like a cheap five dollar hooker.”

 

I walked quickly to the door and grabbed my bag as she screeched out from the office, her screeching brought a smile to my face as I was putting on my boots.

 

“Sarah what the fuck, you can’t say that to her. Go back and apologize.”

“Fuck no, I was telling her the truth. Giving her some advice if you want to see it that way. For all the expensive stuff she wears you would think she would have better taste in perfume.”

 

Jay grabbed me by the arm and turned me around to face him.

 

“Go back and apologize.”

“No.”

“Do it Sarah or so help me god.”

“I won’t do it and you can’t make me Jay.”

 

I pulled out of his grip and went for the door. Just as I was about to walk out I turned towards him and glared.

 

“Just to let you know I am going to stay with Gray for a few days and don’t worry about me being here much longer. I am looking for my own place and I won’t be in your guys way. You two will be free to fuck all over the place.”

 

I slammed the door shut and ran for the elevator thanking the heavens that it was still on our floor and I was able to get on it quickly. I couldn’t stay there any longer I need to find an apartment even if it was a cheap one. I sent Gray a quick text letting him know what’s going on.

 

Sarah: Hey I am going to stay with you for a few days if that’s ok.

Gray sparkles: It’s always ok. You ok princess?

Sarah: I just can’t deal with Jay and the snake anymore.

Gray sparkles: Where are you? Do you need me to come get you?

Sarah: I’m leaving Jay’s and heading back to the studio to work.

Gray sparkles: Ok see you in a bit then.

 

I got back to the studio and found Chase still working in our room and tossed him the USB.

 

“Ok let’s get to work on this stuff, I have my notebook and I really want to get this done and get the hell out of here.”

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah, don’t worry.”

 

I really did want to get the hell out of that studio before Jay showed up because I didn’t feel like dealing with his bullshit anymore. I went through my notebook and found some lyrics that fit the beat perfectly. It was all upbeat and fun the opposite of my gloomy mood. Chase agreed that the lyrics fit the beat and we got to work on it. It was maybe another 3 hours before Jay finally showed up at the studio without the snake on his arm. I was in the recording booth with Chase at the controls, just seeing him there with his arms crossed made my anger flair up. I get that we weren’t anything but roommates but I swear there were moments that I felt as if we shared the same feelings about each other.

 

“Sarah that’s sounds good for now. Come on out and we can go over that section.”

 

I nodded at Chase and put my things down coming out of the booth. Jay had moved back to allow me to come stand next to Chase as we went over the section I just did. It didn’t sound too bad but you could tell I had some unhappy feelings coming through my voice.

 

“Sounds like someone has a little bit of an attitude in her voice.”

 

My head shot up to glare at Jay and Chase caught on.

 

“Let me give you two some room.”

 

With that Chase got up and left the room leaving me with my anger rising and Jay being a dick.

 

“Why don’t you go and leave Chase and I to work.”

“Why don’t you stop with your fucking attitude and then maybe you could actually get some work done instead of wasting his time.”

 

That last statement pissed me off and I was over this bullshit. I got right up in Jay’s face and poked his chest with my finger.

 

“I am not wasting anyone’s time so why don’t you just go back to the snake and fuck her or have her suck your dick because that’s all your worried about. Don’t try and pretend that you are worried about me or the guys. You have been so preoccupied with that bitch that you are late to meetings or blowing them off all together. So just get out and let us do our work.”

“Is that your problem? Are you jealous that I am spending time with another woman and not you? Is that it?”

 

I went to back away pissed that I can’t mask my jealousy from him but Jay grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him putting his other arm around me.

 

“I don’t know why you would get jealous since you have been spending so much time with Gray. I see the two of you together all cuddled up on the couch here pretending you are working. What does his whisper in that ear of yours?”

“Let me go.”

 

I tried to pull away but he held me tighter to him.

 

“Does he hold you as close as I do when you two share a bed? Does his touch make your heart speed up like mine does?”

 

His hand that was holding my wrist let go and came up to brush some hair behind my ear before cupping my face. I starred up into his eyes and I hated that he knew how my body reacted to him, he spoke nothing but the truth because his touch always made my heart speed up just as it was doing right now.

 

“Answer me baby girl.”

 

I bit back the groan that tried to escape from me. Only Jay had ever called me baby girl and while Gray calling me princess was sweet and pure, Jay calling be baby girl made my insides ignite and a throb to form between my legs. The way it sounded coming off his lips held unspoken promises of pleasure and pain. We both looked into each other eyes and he was silent waiting for my reply.

 

“No.”

“I imagine then that he hasn’t even made a move on you yet. He hasn’t had the chance of tasting those sassy little lips of yours. Has he?”

“No.”

“Didn’t think so. I want you to remember me when he does make his move. Remember how you felt in this moment.”

 

Before I could respond and question him his head came down and our lips met. I tried to fight the feelings that were coming on, the increased heat that was growing all over my body and the throbbing between my legs. I wanted to fight but the way his lips felt on mine I couldn’t help but give in to him. My hands that were lying dead at my side slowly made a path up his chest and went around his neck resting with one hand going to his hair grabbing onto him and pulling him closer. Jay’s hand that was holding my face left and made its way down my side to my ass grabbing it and kneading it through my pants. The feeling of his hands on me caused me to moan which allowed him the chance to deepen the kiss. His tongue invaded my mouth and fought for dominance against mine. Before I knew it, Jay had bent down not breaking the kiss and lifted me up allowing me to cross my legs behind his back and he walked us towards the couch in the room laying me back on it.

The new position with me on my back and him between my legs caused me to break the kiss to moan when he grounded his hard dick into my crotch. Jay moved his head to suck on my neck before whispering in my ear.

 

“Do you feel what you do to me baby girl? Every time I would have you near me I only ever wanted to strip your clothes off you and have my way with you. I want to see lose yourself to ecstasy while I plunged my dick inside your pussy.”

 

He emphasized the statement by grounding his dick again into my crotch.

 

“Jay.”

 

I moaned needed more pressure and more movement from him.

 

“What is it? What do you need baby girl?”

“You, oh my god I need more. I need you.”

“That’s right baby girl, you only ever need me. No other man will make you feel this way.”

 

My hand was making its way down to his pants to try and unbuckle them when his phone started going off. By now I knew who each ringtone was and that particular one was for the snake. My hand stopped its movement and I waited to see what he would do, part of me hoped he would keeping going but he didn’t. He pulled back and looked down at me, I tried to read his face but I couldn’t get a good read.

 

“You better not even think of staying with Gray.”

 

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and answered it right there still somewhat between my legs.

 

“Hey babe what did you need?”

 

I laid there trying to process what had just happened bouncing between happiness and anger before finally settling on anger. I moved back from him before standing and grabbing my things and the USB that held the current song and walking out of the room. I walked passed Chase who was making some coffee and told him I was done for the night and went to where I knew Gray would be working. I walked in to find him and Simon D going over some music and I went over and sat on the couch feeling bad for interrupting them.

 

“Hey one second Simon.”

 

Gray turned my direction and just looked at me. I tried my hardest to hide my current emotions from him but I must have failed on epic proportions because Gray didn’t even say anything to me before turning back to Simon and letting him know they could pick up again later. Gray grabbed his stuff and mine before holding his hand out to me. I grabbed onto it and stood from the couch. Here was a man who was always there for me and never played any kind of games while Jay was always the one to fuck with my head. I didn’t let go of Gray’s hand the whole way to his car and neither of us stopped when I heard Jay and Loco call out to us.

When we made it to his apartment Gray still hadn’t asked me anything and allowed me to go right into the bedroom to put my stuff away before I went to wash up and change. When I got out of the bathroom I went to the kitchen thinking maybe he was in there but didn’t see him so I went back to the bedroom. Gray was sitting on the bed with a small folding table with two glasses of my favorite wine and some of my snacks I bought for his place. I smiled before going to my side of the bed and sitting down.

 

“Find something for us to watch while I go and wash up.”

 

Gray tossed me the remote before getting up and leaving me alone. I turned the TV on and got our pillows propped up and pulled the blankets back. I smiled at the memory that came to mind. It was the memory of my first night crashing at Gray’s apartment. He told me I could have the bed and he would sleep on the couch but I offered to take the couch and let him keep his bed. I didn’t want him to be uncomfortable with me being an inconvenience. We stood in his room going back and forth over who should take the bed when I finally settled it by telling him we could both take the bed. Gray’s response was the most hilarious thing ever, thinking back to what he said brought a smile to my face.

_“We can’t share the bed. What if you try to molest me while I am asleep? I can’t possibly share the bed with you because I want to keep my virtue intact.”_

He had even crossed his arms over his chest to shield himself from me. We both had a good laugh and the couch was long forgotten.

Gray came back to the bedroom with just his pajama pants on and climbed into bed handing me a glass of wine.

 

“Did you find anything good?”

“No, I didn’t even look.”

“We don’t have to watch anything. How about we talk about what’s been going on with you?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“You need to princess, you can’t keep letting this get in the way of your work.”

“I won’t, I just need out of his place and I will be fine.”

“But why? What’s so wrong about being there?”

“The snake, she is a bitch and says shit to me all the time. I can’t stand it and then she acts all innocent around Jay and he is always standing up for her. Some days I wish I had just stayed home and never came here.”

 

Gray grabbed my glass and set both of ours down before pulling me into his embrace.

 

“Don’t say that, you coming here was never a mistake. You are doing so well here and things will only get better. I told you that you can stay with me as long as you need. I love having you here. Coming home knowing you will be here makes this feel like an actual home. Before it was just a space I occupied, I never wanted to come home as much as I do now. Just being able to have meals with you and watching stupid shows together makes things feel so normal. All you have to do is say the word and I will move all your stuff here and if you want you don’t even need to find an apartment until you are ready.”

 

Gray pulled back enough to grab my face with both his hands. I couldn’t look him in the eyes because I know he was right, all I had to do was say the word. But did I want to? A big part of me wanted to but a small part of me hated the idea of being away from Jay. Things were going so well with Jay and I just wish I knew what changed it. Gray moved my head up and bent his head down to make me look up at him and I tried to smile.

 

“I hate seeing you upset. Wont you let me make you happy? You have to know by now how I feel.”

 

I took my bottom lip in between my teeth and gnawed on it. I did know how he felt but I wasn’t 100% sure how I felt myself.

 

“Princess don’t do that. That lip wasn’t made to be chewed on by you.”

 

I released my lip and laughed a little bit.

 

“That’s what I like to hear, I only ever want to hear you laugh. Give me the chance to do that.”

 

I looked up at him searching his eyes and only seeing the sincerity behind his words. I nodded my head and he smiled back at me.

 

“Good.”

 

He bent his head down and our lips met only briefly but the gesture was sweet and I hated that my mind was comparing Gray’s sweet gentle kiss to the one that Jay gave me. The two were polar opposites but I knew with Gray I would be happy and safe, Jay only promised heart ache and pain. What I hated even more was that Jay’s words came back to my mind.

_“Didn’t think so. I want you to remember me when he does make his move. Remember how you felt in this moment.”_

I didn’t want to think of him anymore. Gray settled back against the pillows allowing me to come and rest my head on his chest while he searched for something to watch. I forced Jay from my mind and concentrated on the moment with Gray hoping that this would be the start of a more positive time.


	8. Chapter 8

 

** Sarah **

The next morning I woke up with Gray’s arm around my stomach holding me close to him. I laid there just staring at the wall thinking about everything. I knew Gray had feelings for me and while I had feelings for him I still had feelings for Jay at the same time. I hated that I still wanted Jay. Had the snake not called him at that moment, I would have gladly followed him anywhere as long as he kept making me feel the way I did. Just his name for me “baby girl” did things to me that no man has ever done before. With him being so distant and acting like a jerk to me I didn’t even understand why I still entertained the idea of being with him. He confused me so much and I wish I could just get my head straight with what I wanted. It wasn’t fair to Gray either, I didn’t want to get in the middle of their friendship but here I was. I hated myself for it more and more. I knew I couldn’t stay with Jay but I also couldn’t stay with Gray either, I needed my own place no matter what.

I pulled away from Gray’s warm embrace and climbed out of bed to get ready for the day.

 

“Princess come back to bed.”

“Gray we need to get up and head to the studio, we both blew off our work and we very well can’t do it two days in a row.”

 

Gray pulled a pillow over his face and said something into it that I couldn’t hear before he got up and started getting ready himself. While he was getting ready I made us some coffee and filled up the to go cups handing him his once he had his shoes on.

 

“Thank you princess.” He leaned in to kiss me on my lips but I turned away earning myself a puzzled look. “What’s wrong?”

“We should get going, we can talk on the way.”

 

I put my shoes on and opened the door leading the way to the garage. Once we were in the car and on our way I took the chance to get some things off my chest.

 

“Gray, I know you like me and I like you too but I feel conflicted. I don’t want to string you along when I’m confused about everything. I really appreciate you letting me stay with you but I still want to find my own place.”

 

I looked down at my hands playing with the lid of my to go cup waiting for his response. I felt as if I rushed everything out and sprung it on him but I couldn’t go through the day with us being on different wave lengths. I wanted him to know where we stood so there was no kind of miscommunication.

 

“Confused? What are you confused about? You know I really care for you and I know you care for me too. What is there to be confused about?”

 

I had hoped I wouldn’t need to explain myself so much right away but it’s better to just get it all out there in the open.

 

“I’m just confused about my feelings. Yeah I like you of course I do, what’s there not to like.” I looked up at him with a smile but then looked back down at my cup. “But there is also the feelings I have for someone else.”

“For Jay.”

 

I looked out the window watching the buildings fly by before replying.

 

“Yeah for Jay. As wrong as I know it is to even have them I do. I hate myself for it. For coming in between the two of you. That’s why I can’t continue staying with either of you. I need to find my own place and I can’t just say I will be with you when I still have those feelings for him. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”

“Princess I really appreciate your honesty about all of this. Just know this, I really do care for you and I don’t plan on stopping myself from acting on my feelings for you. I won’t stand by and let some guy come and take what I want so easily. Even if said guy is a friend and also my boss. So let’s just continue with you staying with me until we find you a place and let’s just see where things go. If in the end you chose him over me then so be it, but I won’t go down without a fight.”

 

Gray grabbed my hand with his holding it causing me to look up at him and see him briefly shoot me a smile before turning his attention back to the road. The rest of the car ride was spent talking about music we were working on. I thought there would have been some kind of tension between us but I was happy to know we were ok.

When we arrived at the studio we went our separate ways me to my room and him to his. When I got to mine I found Chase already there getting things set up. I apologized for the way I was acting yesterday but he told me not to worry about it and reminded me that we all have an off day. Thankfully today was a good day and the music was falling into place. Around lunch time I had sent a text to Gray asking him if he wanted to go grab something to eat but he declined because he was too busy. Chase also said he would be staying at the studio to work through the lunch break. I figured since everyone was so busy that I would just run really quick and bring some food back for the guys. I hated how they would work and work but forget about eating, they need to take better care of themselves.

It didn’t take long to grab everyone some food and I was just walking into the studio not really paying attention to where I was going since I was going over the lyrics on my phone with my earbuds in listening to the beat. I bumped into someone and didn’t even have to look up knowing who it was just by their smell. I cringed inside wishing that I had paid attention more as I didn’t want to deal with his shit at the moment.

 

“Well good afternoon Sarah.”

 

I closed my eyes trying to control my irritation before pulling my ear buds out and looking up to great him. I wish I hadn’t, he had a look in his eyes that reminded me of the old Jay. I was instantly on high alert not really knowing what was going on.

 

“Good afternoon Jay, sorry about that. I was lost in the song.”

“That’s alright, we all tend to get lost in our work. Just be more careful or you could hurt yourself.”

 

I thanked him and went to walk around him to escape his eyes but before I could get away from him he turned around and called out to me.

 

“Sarah if you have a minute I have some things I need to go over with you really quick. It won’t take too long.”

“I’m sorry, I have to get the guys their food.” I lifted the bags in the air to emphasize the point trying my best to look sincere when I said, “Maybe later.”

 

I thought I was in the clear when Loco came around the corner causing Jay to smile widely.

 

“Loco can you take the food Sarah got and hand it out. I need to go over something with her.”

 

Loco shrugged his shoulders and grabbed the bags from me taking away my escape plan. With the food disappearing around the corner I had no choice but to follow Jay to his office. I wasn’t really sure what it was he had to talk to me about and the way he was acting didn’t feel right. How could he go from the jack ass Jay back to the Jay I use to know, what was his game plan. Jay held his office door open for me and I walked in taking a seat on the couch.

 

“Jay what is it that you need, I really should get back down there and eat my lunch before I get back to work. Look if it’s about yesterday I am sorry for blowing the day off. It won’t happen again.”

 

I stood up and planned on walking out of the room when Jay walked right up to me and pushed me back down to the couch and trapped me there with both of his hands on either side of me. I looked up at him caught off guard by his movements.

 

“You should be sorry baby girl. I told you not to go home with Gray, you shouldn’t have walked out of here like that.”

 

I tried to open my mouth to speak but he silenced me with a finger on my lips before he bent his head down to get close to my ear whispering “How shall I punish you for not listening baby girl?”

I sucked in a sharp breath and felt my heart speed up at his words and the feeling of his breath on my neck.

 

“Jay what are you doing?” I all but whimpered out.

 

I heard a husky chuckle come from him as he began to place wet kisses on my exposed neck before blowing his hot breath on wet trail causing my arms to break out in goosebumps and my nipples pebble up under my bra.

 

“I’m trying to decide whether or not I should bend your pretty ass over this desk or have you ride me on that couch, you made daddy pretty upset the other day.” Jay gave me a once over, then another, growling softly, “but either way…. I’m having you for lunch.”

 

The whole time he spoke his hand left the couch caressing its way down my arm slowly brushing past my breast before continuing its way down to my pants where he began to unbutton them. I tried to fight the feelings he was bringing forth in me, the same fire he started yesterday in me stirred to life. When his lips came back to my neck sucking on the skin I lost the battle I was fighting and let out a throaty moan.

 

“That’s it baby girl, give in to the feeling. I know you want this just as much as I do.”

 

His hand had finished unbuttoning my pants and slowly made its way back up but this time on its trip north it made sure to grab my shirt pulling it up. He pulled away to get my shirt all the way off leaving me in my bra. He bit his bottom lip as he saw that my bra was a front clasp allowing him to quickly undo it pulling the straps down my arms before he helped me lean back on the couch. Once I was laid back with him crouched down over me taking in my body before him I heard him groan out before he came down to capture my lips with his. While we fought for dominance with the kiss his hand came up to my breast kneading it and tugging at my nipple causing me to lose the battle when I gasped out. Jay deepened that kiss showing me his dominance over me before he broke it trailing wet kisses down my neck to my chest. He used his tongue to make a wet circle around my nipple before blowing on it causing my nipple to harden even more and me to moan out.

 

“You like that baby girl?” I moaned again, “Then I bet you will like this even more.”

 

His tongue darted out again to make a circle around my nipple before his mouth came down to take it in. His other hand to went to the opposite breast pinching and tugging on the nipple as his mouth did the same thing. He alternated between sucking on it and tugging on it even using his teeth slightly causing me to hiss out in pleasure. My hips rose up trying to find some friction against him needing some pressure to help with the throbbing I was feeling in my pussy. Jay pulled away from my breast with smile on his face.

 

“Someone is a little eager aren’t we baby girl?”

“Fuck Jay, stop teasing me.”

“If you need something you need only ask baby girl.”

“Please touch me Jay.”

“Hmmm? What was that baby girl?”

“Touch me?”

“Touch me…what?”

I shut my eyes tightly throwing my head back in frustration, “Touch me daddy! God just touch me please!!”

 

I heard him chuckle as he pulled my pants and panties down taking them off with my shoes. I was left naked in front of him and I could feel the wetness dripping out of me.

 

“So fucking beautiful. You don’t get to cum until I tell you to baby girl.”

 

I didn’t even get a chance to plead again for his touch as his mouth was instantly at my entrance capturing it with force using his tongue to capture what wetness that had seeped out. I felt him hum in pleasure and I moaned out at finally having him touching me where I needed it the most. His tongue lapped at me like he was dying of thirst and he was trying to not let anything go to waste. I kept my eyes shut tightly and I tried my best to stay quiet but when I felt him insert two fingers inside me I lost all control over my body. My hips bucked up at the intrusion and I let a loud moan escape.

 

“As much as I want to hear you scream my name baby girl you better watch that mouth of yours before everyone in the studio finds out what is going on behind my office door.”

“Yes daddy.”

 

His mouth returned back to its task licking and sucking on my clit that was plump from my arousal. Jay’s expert fingers were pumping in and out of me hitting just the right spot and I could feel myself winding up the coil and I just wanted him to keep going.

 

“Yes just like that, don’t stop!” I said quietly that I thought he might not have heard me but he did.

 

Jay pulled his mouth away and pulled his fingers out. My eyes shot open at the loss and I whimpered my protest and moaned when I saw him lick his fingers clean.

 

“I remember telling you that you weren’t allowed to cum until I told you to. Now go stand up and bend over my desk.”

 

Jay stood up allowing me to stand and do as I was told. I heard his shirt hit the floor and I heard him undo his belt but I didn’t hear it hit the floor. Instead I felt it brush my ass as I was bending over his desk. He kicked my legs farther apart and came up behind me bending over to whisper in my ear.

 

“You should have listened to me when I told you not to stay at Gray’s house. Now you need to be punished.”

 

He stood back up and reminded me to keep quiet. I nodded my head yes and then I felt it. His belt came quickly own on my ass causing my ass to burn from the impact. I moaned out from not only the pain of the burn but from the pleasure it caused within me. I loved having my ass spanked during sex but this was something new and it surprised me how much I enjoyed it. Jay brought the belt back down on my ass but this time it was gentler then the first blow and I moaned out again.

 

“Does my baby girl like being spanked?”

“Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes daddy.”

“Good girl. Now clasp your hands behind your head.”

 

I did as I was told and he used the belt to tie my hands together before he allowed me to rest them back down on the desk. I heard him work on his pants while he bent down to lay gentle kisses on my ass causing me to hum in pleasure with how gentle he was. I heard the condom wrapper being torn and I pictured him applying it to his dick wishing that I was the one who was doing it.

 

“Remember baby girl, be quiet and no cuming until I say to.”

 

With that he thrusted his dick inside me and once he was balls deep inside me he staid still allowing me to get use to his size. I had always imagined what this would be like, wondering if he was long or short, thick or thin. Nothing I ever imagined could compare to what I was feeling in that moment. He felt perfect inside me.

I was ready for him to go so I used my hips to push back onto him to let him know he could move. His pace was slow at first allowing us both to take enjoyment.

 

“God baby girl you are so wet and warm. Fuck you are even tighter than I thought. I don’t know if I can last long with how tight you are.”

 

He picked up his pace then thrusting in and out of me with such a fast force that the movements were disturbing things on his desk. Every time his thrusts came back in the pressure from his hips hitting my ass caused me to moan out. I was getting close again but feeling that coil growing inside me wanting it to break.

 

“So close daddy, please make me cum!.”

 

Jay let out a deep growl and reached his hand out to play with my clit rubbing it softly but also taking a chance to pinch it causing my hips to buck back pushing back onto him. The coil was building up and ready to break causing me to beg him to go faster. He went faster and deeper than before and pinched my clit once more before the coil finally broke. I bit down on my arm trying to keep myself from screaming his name. My muscles tightened around his shaft that was still jack hammering into me not giving me a chance to ride out my orgasm in peace. The hand that was playing with my clit was back on my hips where his grasp had also tightened, so much that I was sure I would have bruises there in the shape of his fingers. It didn’t take long after I came that he also came with a loud groan before stilling himself inside me and falling over me trying to catch his breath. We were both panting from the strength of our orgasms but he planted a light kiss on my shoulder telling me to wait right there. I couldn’t move even if I wanted to as I would have surely fallen as my legs had no strength in them.

I heard something fall into the trash can, probably the condom but then I heard a bottle open up and water drip into the trash can. When he had returned back to me I felt a cold wet cloth between my legs wiping me down. When he was done he planted more kisses on my hips where he had held me tightly. He helped me stand up straight and walk over to the couch where he helped me sit before undoing his belt around my wrist and rubbing them both making sure I hadn’t lost feeling in my hands.

We didn’t say anything to each other as we each found our clothing and started getting dressed again. Just as I was buttoning my pants I heard his phone ring, it was the snake. I sat down on the couch and put my shoes on as I kept my eyes on him. I watched him stand up from the couch and go over to his desk chair sitting down it and picking up his phone.

 

“What’s up babe? Yeah we are still on for dinner tonight. My place? Yeah we can do that. I can’t wait. Yeah me too.”

 

He ended the call placing the phone on his desk before getting up and walking back to me.

 

“Next time listen to me baby girl.”

 

He tried to come in and kiss me but I pulled away and stood up angry that I allowed this to happen. He was still the jack ass Jay he has been for the past few months.

 

“I will do what I want when I want. You don’t get to control me Jay. This won’t be happening again.”

 

I went for the door and just as my hand was on the handle he called out to me.

 

“You better be home tonight baby girl, don’t make me come get you.”

“Fuck you Jay, your apartment is not my home.”

“Oh and Gray’s apartment is?”

 

I turned around on him not trying to hold my anger from showing.

 

“Neither of your places is home for me, I will find my own place. Again this” I motioned between us “Won’t be happening again. Have fun with the snake.”

 

I opened the door walking out and heading back to my room but I made a stop at the bathroom to make sure I didn’t look as if I just fucked my boss on my lunch break. I made sure to check the stalls to be sure they were all empty before I lifted my shirt to check my sides. They were red but not bruised thankfully. When I thought about trying to explain that to Gray I instantly felt guilt flood over me. I braced myself on the ledge of the sink allowing my head to fall.

 

“You are a fucking horrible person Sarah.”

 

I said out loud to myself. I wasn’t wrong either, I was a horrible person. I should never had allowed that to happen. But there was just something about Jay that made it hard to fight my feelings. I shook my head and left the bathroom deciding to throw myself into my work instead of thinking of what I had just done.

I didn’t leave the recording room not once for the rest of the night. I didn’t want to chance running into Jay and seeing his smug smile or hear his voice. Chase was yawning and of course it caused me to yawn as well.

 

“Sarah we should call it a night, it’s pretty late.”

 

I threw my arms in the air to stretch them out before nodding my head.

 

“Go ahead and take off Chase, I will close this all down. Besides I have to go and drag Gray away from his work too.”

 

Chase laughed teasing me that it wouldn’t take much for Gray to leave his work for me. I stuck my tongue out at him before waving good bye. Once I had everything turned off I shut the light off and closed the door. There were still some people here working on things which was pretty normal for the studio. I walked into Gray’s room to find him hunched over the monitor with his earbuds in bobbing his head to a beat I couldn’t hear. I didn’t want to disturb him so I plopped down on the couch allowing myself a chance to stretch out while I rested my head on the arm of the couch. I watched him work for a little bit but soon was overcome with tiredness and my eyes closed.

 

“Princess wake up.”

 

I opened my eyes to see Gray looking down at me with a smile. I yawned and stretched my arms again before going to sit up.

 

“Ready to head home princess?”

 

I smiled and nodded my head in agreement, I was more than ready to leave. I wanted a nice shower and to fall back into bed. Gray helped me stand up from the couch before he grabbed our stuff and threw his arm around my waist leading me to his car. Once he started driving I fell asleep again but woke up when I felt his car park. When we got into the apartment I went to grab some things for the shower and Gray followed me into the bedroom sitting on the bed.

 

“Would you like some company in there?”

 

My head shot up and looked at him surprised at what he had just suggested. We hadn’t done anything other than kiss and sleep in the same bed. I was just surprised that he would suggest such a thing.

 

“Maybe next time, I’m pretty tired so I just want to wash off really quick.”

 

I walked up to him and kissed him on the forehead before turning and heading to the bathroom. When I was safely locked in I took my clothes off and inspected my body, there were no bruises on my hips from Jay but my ass was still a little red and a mark was there from the belt. I cursed under my breath hoping the mark would fade soon. I washed up quickly before drying off and getting dressed. When I got back into the bedroom Gray had the bed set for us to sleep before he went and took his turn in the bathroom. I put my phone on the charger and had just laid my head down when I heard it vibrate, I picked it up to see who it was and regretted it instantly.

 

Smooth OG Jay: I told you to come home baby girl, you need to start listening. Maybe you need another spanking, but harder this time.

 

“What the fuck.” I said quietly to myself pissed that he was still acting this way. I decided then to change his name in my phone, pissed that he was in fact pretty damn smooth.

 

Sarah: Fuck off!

Jack ass Jay: We already did that in my office, just thinking about it makes me hard baby girl. Come home and see for yourself if you don’t believe me.

Sarah: Have the snake help you, I could care less. That won’t be happening again! Leave me alone! I am turning my phone off and if you even think of coming here I will make you regret it!

 

With that I turned my phone off and threw it on the night stand. I was angry again and I just wanted to have one good night. I flipped to my side to stare at the wall again wishing he would leave me be. The light turned off all of a sudden and I felt the bed dip next to me before I felt Gray pull me close to him.

 

“Sleeping Princess?”

“Well if I was you just woke me up now didn’t you?”

 

Gray nuzzled my neck causing me to giggle from the ticklish feeling he gave me with his stubble.

 

“Might want to shave tomorrow your stubble is coming out.”

“What you don’t think I would look good with a beard?”

“I think you would look good either way but I don’t know about your fans. How would they feel if their oppa all of a sudden grew a beard?”

“Good point.”

I rolled over to face him and smiled up at him, “I am always right!”

 

Gray let out a laugh before he bent his head down to capture my lips. He didn’t try to deepen it and neither did I. It was a sweet kiss like the night before. I knew he wanted more but I appreciated the fact that he wasn’t trying to rush into anything. I snuggled up to him and closed my eyes letting myself drift off to sleep.

The rest of the work week was pretty tame. By tame I mean I avoided Jay at all cost and wished I had a bell to put around his neck so I would know when he was coming near. I had a few close calls of running into him but thankfully I was near an empty room during those times. He would still text me telling me to get my ass home or else. I ignored his text messages not wanting to feed into the power trip he was on. He of course was still fucking the snake and she stopped by the studio a few times. When Sunday finally came I was more than happy to be away from the studio and not being on high alert. Gray was spending the day with his family so I decided to just stay at the apartment being lazy. I slept pretty much the whole day away only waking when I smelt food in the apartment. Gray was sweet enough to bring leftovers home for me, he told me his mom sent her love and that I should come with next time. I smiled as I dug into the food but really on the inside I was terrified. Meeting parents was a big step and we weren’t even dating! Had we been in the states it wouldn’t have mattered, but here that’s basically saying I want to marry your son. After I cleaned up my mess I fell back asleep while Gray was working on his laptop going over something Chase had sent him.

When I got into the studio the next day I was met with Jay and his stylist sitting in my room. I greeted her with a hug and sat down in my chair facing them both on the couch.

 

“Sarah it’s so good to see you again! Congratulations on everything, I can’t wait to hear your EP when you release it.”

“Thank you.”

“Sarah, Ji Soo here has a favor to ask of you. Well more of a job offer that I think you should take her up on.”

 

I looked from Jay back to Ji Soo with my eyebrow raised, wondering what she would have to ask.

 

“Sarah, I have a new collection I am launching that I need models for. Since you are just getting your name out there I feel this would be a perfect chance to get more people talking about you plus helping me model the clothes. My concept is pretty edgy and I feel this would be right up your ally. What do you say?”

“Yeah sure, I mean why not. I could use the help getting my name out there more.”

“Excellent, stop by my office tomorrow and we can get you measured for the clothing.”

 

Ji Soo stood and I shook her hand before she and Jay left my room. I was thankful that he didn’t stay around to bug me. The rest of the day was pretty uneventful and I went home with Gray and went to bed both of us not up for talking after singing all day.

The next day I went into Ji Soo’s office to get measured for the clothing and she showed me some of the drawings she had. I was pretty excited for the fashion show but at the same time nervous as I have never done one before. She assured me I would do fine but if I wanted to I could stay the day and work with some of the other models. I thanked her and did just that, as the show was next Saturday I wouldn’t have much time with work to practice my walking. The rest of the week I spent working on my songs getting them ready for Jay to listen to. At night I spent my time with Gray either watching TV or using him to give me feedback on my walking. He still hadn’t made any move on me except for the sweet gentle kisses we shared.

On Sunday we were once again in the hallway as this was the longest part of his apartment. We had the lights on and he sat at the kitchen counter watching me practice my walking. I felt I was finally getting it down right and we had fun when he stood up and started strutting down his hallway with me. We were both at the end of the hall when we went to turn and bumped into each other. Thankfully Gray was quick to catch me before I went into the wall, he pulled me close to him and laughed at how clumsy I could be in heels.

 

“You try walking in these damn things, besides you bumped into me. It’s you who is clumsy.”

I went to playfully punch him but he grabbed my hand holding it. I looked up into his eyes and then my sight went to his lips when I saw his tongue dart out to lick them. I also did the same thing before biting my lip.

 

“Princess you don’t know what you do to me.”

“Show me.”

 

Gray let out a moan before he crashed his lips to mine I opened my mouth to his when I felt his tongues swipe my bottom lip. The kiss was more passionate then any we have ever shared. My hands went around his neck and pulled his face closer as his hands went around my waist to my ass before he lifted me up and I crossed my legs behind his back. Gray carried me into the bedroom and gently laid me down on the bed. We were both only in sleep shorts and a shirt so I could easily feel his arousal through the thin shorts material as he could easily see my pebbled nipples through my shirt. We laid there just grabbing on to each other as we kissed. I broke the kiss first to beg him to touch me.

 

“I love hearing my princess beg me.”

 

His hand slowly made its way into my shorts. His lips moved to my neck planting soft kisses as his fingers stroked my slit spreading my wetness around.

 

“Princess you are so wet.”

 

I groaned out begging him for more, he obliged my request by slowly inserting a finger into me taking his time to stretch me before adding a second one. He pumped his fingers inside me slowly at first before he used his thumb to put pressure on my swollen clit. My hips bucked up when I felt him rub my clit and I moaned out.

 

“God Gray just like that.”

 

Gray picked up his speed and began to move his fingers in a scissors motion inside me causing me to lose my mind. I was a moaning mess begging him to keep going as I could feel my orgasm getting near.

 

“So close.”

“Let go Princess, let me see your face as you cum on my fingers.”

 

He pushed his thumb onto my clit harder and then waves of pleasure washed over me at full force and I moaned his name out as my back arched off the bed. He stilled his fingers inside me allowing me to ride out my orgasm until I was left just lying there twitching from the intensity of the orgasm. I watched him pull his hand out and lick his fingers clean.

 

“You taste amazing princess.”

 

I went to pull him close so I could get his pants down but he stopped me.

 

“No tonight was about you princess. There will be other times for you to help me. For now let’s get you into bed.”

 

Gray pulled the blanket back before he helped me scoot up to my pillow. He tucked the blankets in around me and kissed me.

 

“Sleep princess, I have some work to go over before I come to bed.”

 

I snuggled into his pillow and closed my eyes, with a smile on my face I easily drifted off to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

 

** Sarah **

The next morning, I had Gray drop me off at Ji Soo’s office to have a final fitting before the show. I couldn’t help but be distracted the whole time she was going over the clothes, with what happened with Gray the night before I don’t think anyone would be able to concentrate. I loved how caring and how sweet he was, but part of me wanted a little more. As much as I hated comparing the two I really wished Gray had been a little more rough….like Jay.

 

“Alright Sarah what do you think? I still have some alterations to make but for the most part its complete?”

 

Ji Soo’s voice pulled me from the dangerous mental path I was going down and brought me back to the now. I looked up in the mirror and loved the outfit. It was edgy just like she said and it was something I could see myself wearing.

 

“I love it!”

I turned my head back to give Ji Soo a warm excited smile and she patted me on the shoulder, “Good now go put the dress on so we can check that one as well.”

 

I tried on a couple of more outfits that would all have to be altered only a little bit and then have accessories added on at the show. After we were done with trying on the clothes she went over the schedule for the day of the event. I was getting more excited the more we talked about the event and even more so when she told me that Gray would be performing for the after party. I was looking forward to the after party since we all haven’t gone out together in such a long time and a night out as a group would be very much welcomed. I thanked Ji Soo again for this opportunity before leaving to head to the studio.

The rest of the day was spent working on music with Chase and Loco as he was going to lend his vocals to one of my songs. The album was just about complete and I was rather nervous on how this would go with presenting the music to Jay. It wasn’t so much of nerves because of what was going on between us lately but because he was my boss and I really wanted him to like the music. Simon had come in a few times to listen to what I had and he loved it and reassured me that Jay would too. As much as I appreciated Simon’s kind words I still worried over what Jay would say, he was the one who brought me here and gave me this opportunity and I didn’t want to disappoint him no matter what weird shit was going between us.

Around dinner time Gray stopped in with some food just as I was about to take a break to go hunt down something to eat.

 

“You are a godsend Gray!” I smiled and got up giving him a kiss on the cheek before taking the food and setting it on the table. “I was just about to ask you if you were hungry.”

“Well I figured since you are always the one making sure us guys eat that maybe for once I should return the favor and make sure you are eating as well.”

“Well thank you, I just want to make sure you guys are taking care of yourself. I mean who knows how you guys even managed without me.”

 

Gray laughed while he opened the containers of the food handing me some chopsticks once he slid my food to me.

 

“So how are things going?”

“I am just about done with this last song and then I just want to go back over everything before I hand it off to Jay. I want to make sure everything is all good, the perfectionist in me can’t be 100% comfortable until I know it’s perfect.”

“Just don’t go over it too much, from what I have heard from the guys its already good the way it is. You don’t want to stress over this and end up changing something that didn’t need to be changed. I would honestly just leave the completed songs alone and once this one is done just send it off to Jay for the final approval. If he thinks anything needs to be changed then you can do it then, but I doubt anything will need to be changed. Just relax princess, everything will be fine.”

 

Gray scooted closer to me to give me a kiss on my head before going back to his food. I wanted to be able to do that and just let things be, but I needed things to be perfect. I was an outsider here still no matter how close I was to the guys. The fans could easily turn on me at any point over anything, the nietzens were like that. You could sneeze and they would rip you to shreds for not covering you face or not saying sorry for doing such a normal thing. I didn’t want to give them a reason to hate me over my music.

 

“Once Jay gives his final approval what would the next steps be? What comes next?”

Gray tilted his head looking at me while he chewed his food and swallowing it before replying. “Well once Jay approves he will figure out which song he wants to be the opener and then will give that song a release date along with the rest of the album. He will probably also want to starting thinking of a MV concept for the opening song and then you will work on that. So the song will drop first and then the MV followed by the rest of the album. After that it’s up in the air with what will happen, if the album takes and the fans respond well to it then I’m sure he will get you set up with some small performances or you might just tag along with me and Loco on our performances since you are on a couple of our tracks. That will give you a chance to perform some of your songs without having all the stress from having your own concert.”

 

I nodded my head, what Gray was explaining sounded normal from what I could think of about the other albums that AOMG released in the past. The outline was usually always the same, the guys would all promote a glimpse of the album or the MV on their social media accounts. I could feel the anxiety die down and be replaced with giddiness at the thought of my family back home being able to see everything. I couldn’t wait to get the release dates and talk to Hua and Park, thinking of their excitement was feeding into my own. Before I knew it, we were done eating and Gray said he would be back in a few hours for us to go home.

I was going solo for the rest of the night after dinner as Chase and Loco were stuck on something and wouldn’t be able to come back to work on this last song. I was fine with it and promised not to mess with the song too much. I was starting to feel a little more confident with my way around things. I had the music on and was tweaking a few things here and there when I heard the door open thinking it was Chase probably stopping in to check on me.

 

“Don’t worry Chase, I didn’t screw it up too much, here listen to this.” I didn’t even bother turning around as I played the part of the song I was messing with. I was bobbing my head to the music and singing along with a few parts. When the song ended I was smiling as I turned around ready to hear what Chase had to say but my smile dropped once I saw that it was Jay who was in fact standing behind me with his arms crossed.

“Sounds good, there was a spot that I think we should change a little bit. Here move down and let me see.”

 

I slid my chair down with my jaw a little slacked still surprised he was here. Jay started messing with some things and it was so weird to see him acting….normal would be the best way to describe it. These mood flips were starting to really throw me off.

 

“I’m not going to bite Sarah….unless you ask. Come closer so you can see what I am doing.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Sarah just get over here, I am here to help you since Chase sent me a text saying he wouldn’t be able to make it here to help you. You want your music to turn out well right?”

 

I scooted closer to him and he showed me what he was doing and didn’t try anything the whole time he was showing me around the board. It was really nice to have him back to the normal Jay that I missed. We were laughing and he was trying to sing along with the song doing his best impersonation of me. He even got up and started dancing around the room acting like such a dork that I couldn’t help but double over in laughter before I grabbed my phone and started to record a small video of him.

 

“You better get my good side on that video.”

“Oh my god do you even have a bad side?” I laughed out recording him while he was shaking his ass in front of the camera.

“We all have a bad side, now put that phone down and get your ass up.”

 

He grabbed my hand and I let the phone fall onto my chair still recording but unable to see us. Jay pulled me close to him as we danced around the room just letting ourselves act stupid not caring since we were the only two in the room. The song was ending when he grabbed my hand and had me spin around where my back was to his chest. We were still laughing with his hands on my hips making me move off beat to the song and causing me to laugh even more when he was singing super high pitched.

 

“Jay oh my god stop you sound horrible.”

“Who cares, we are having fun and we need to do more of that in this place.”

The song ended and I turned to face him, “I agree we do need to have more fun. I miss this.” I looked down to the ground before adding, “I miss laughing with you and how we use to be.”

Jay’s hand came up to my face lifting it so I was looking at him in the eyes, “Me too baby girl, me too.”

 

I pulled away from him not wanting to see that softness in his eyes and hearing him call me by my nickname. He was doing it again, confusing me with his mood swings and I was so tired of it.

 

“Then why did you change? Why did you push me away and act like such a jerk. We were good, we were great in fact. Did you get sick of it? Did you need some kind of excitement in your life? Was I only some kind of distraction? A spur of the moment project? I need to know why we changed? What happened between us that made us end up here!”

 

My voice that started out calm was starting to get higher but also shaky from the emotions I have had built up from the past few months. I looked at Jay and pleaded with my eyes for him to give me some kind of answer, to put me at ease. A part of me had always thought I had done something to cause him to pull away. The little girl inside me who still doubted everything about herself was always there worrying if maybe she wasn’t good enough for him. That he only fancied her because she was a shiny new toy but he had eventually grown tired of it and was moving onto something new. The longer he stood there silent looking at me the more I felt the anger build up inside me.

 

“Tell me! I need to know.”

“I would never had brought you here if you were just some kind of project to keep me busy. I would never had brought you into my home either if I didn’t have faith in you. Yeah I blow money on stupid things sometimes but I never do something stupid when it involves work.” He walked closer to me and his hand came again to my face. “Baby girl you have talent and I saw that. I knew I had to have you here so that you could grow. I wanted to be the one who helped you achieve your dreams. Don’t ever doubt my intentions on bringing you here, I don’t regret it one bit and you better not either.”

“Then what changed? Why are we like this, why are you sweet like this but then other days you are a fucking jack ass towards me?”

“That’s not something I care to talk about.”

“Well I want to fucking talk about it, I can’t stand this whole Jekyll and Hyde split personality game you are playing. I want you to pick one or the other. You can’t be sweet like this, being the Jay I fell for and then being the jack ass who makes me want to avoid you. You need to stop with this fucking game of yours.”

 

Jay tilted his head to the side and had a look in his eye that I was starting to recognize as his Hyde persona. I wanted to back away from him but his eyes and that grin he had on his face had me in some kind of trance. He had that way about himself and I hated it.

 

“Baby girl, I don’t feel like talking about this right now. Just take me for who I am right now. Come back home and get out of Gray’s bed. I already told you he won’t ever make you feel the way I do.”

“Fuck you Jay.”

“Come back home and we can do all the fucking you want baby girl. Just the thought of you being in my friend’s bed makes daddy angry. I just want to bend you over my knee and turn that ass of yours bright pink, but then again I don’t know how that would be much of a punishment since my baby girl loves having her ass spanked.”

 

I held back the moan and tried to clamp down on the arousal that was swimming through my veins. I hated how he could turn me by acting this way. I glared at him not wanting to speak about the matter anymore.

 

“Don’t deny it, you know damn well how much fun we can have together. How my touch can make your body awaken in the most sinful ways.” Jay got closer until his face was right by my ear before adding, “How my breath on your skin right below your ear can make you moan in such a way that it would surely offend the gods.” He emphasized his point by in fact kissing me right on my neck below my ear before blowing on it softly.

 

I shut my eyes as tightly as possible trying to stop myself from proving he was right. He knew how to play my body just the right way, he caused emotions to come to life with just being around me, his scent and the aura around him was like a drug that caused me to become intoxicated.

 

“Don’t fight it baby girl, just take the enjoyment while we can. That’s all I can offer you. I can’t offer you the whole white picketed fence and the 2.5 kids with the dog. I will only ever offer you this carnal pleasure and pain.”

 

Saddened by his words I pulled away from him. He was wrong, so very wrong. I leaned in and gave him a light kiss on the lips before pulling back.

 

“Jay you have no idea how wrong you are, you have so much to offer but you hide behind this other personality. I don’t know why since you won’t tell me but you are wrong.”

 

I stepped away completely and grabbed my phone before walking out the door and heading to the roof. I didn’t want to disturb the rest of the guys because I knew they were all working hard. So the roof was the only place I knew I could be alone and wouldn’t disturb anyone. No one really ever came up here but there were some folding chairs up here so I grabbed one of them and sat it by the railing allowing myself to look out over the city. The sun was setting casting an orange and pink color to the sky that made it look like it was on fire. I sat there with my arms wrapped around my body regretting the fact that I didn’t bring my jacket with as it was cold out. At the same time, I welcomed the cold as it helped bring me back to reality. There was obviously a turning point for Jay and me but I didn’t know what it was but I knew I needed to figure it out. That man had so much to offer to a girl. It wasn’t about financial stability either, Jay had such a big heart and if you were close with him then he would do anything in his power to help you. If you were special enough to him to be in his inner circle of friends the man would take a bullet for you. So I was at a loss for why he thought otherwise. I sat there for maybe another five minutes until it got too cold and made my way inside.

When I got back to my room Jay was thankfully gone. The rest of the night he didn’t come back to my room or try and contact me any other way. I was able to work on my song a little bit but really couldn’t do much since Chase wasn’t here. I decided to call it a night and saved everything I was working on before closing up the room. I stopped by the room where Chase and Loco were working to tell them I was going to head out before going to Gray’s room. When I walked in he wasn’t alone, Simon was in the room with him talking about a song. 

 

“Oh sorry, I didn’t know he had company in here.”

“It’s ok Sarah.”

I smiled at Simon before turning my attention to Gray, “Hey I’m going to head out, Chase is busy so I can’t really get anything done for the night.”

“Do you want me to drop you off? I still have some work I need to get done before I can head home.”

I shook my head, “No I know my way home Gray.”

 

Isaid my goodbyes to them both before heading out and grabbing a cab ride home and going right to bed not wanting to think about what was going on between Jay and me.

Thankfully Chase wasn’t busy the next day and we were able to go over my last song. He was surprised it wasn’t done since Jay had told him he would help me out but I shrugged and said Jay just got busy. I was hoping that Chase didn’t think there was any kind of tension between Jay and me but I was starting to think other people were noticing it. Where Jay and I use to be together as much as possible we had drifted apart and are rarely seen together. The song didn’t take long for us to finish and I told Chase I wanted to go back over the other songs before submitting them to Jay but he shook his head no.

 

“Sorry Sarah, Gray told me that once this song was done I was to save everything and deliver it to Jay right away. Gray is under the assumption you might try and change the songs even though they are perfect just the way they are.”

“I just don’t want to give Jay anything that isn’t the best it can possibly be.”

“Sarah don’t over think this, your music is amazing and really I doubt Jay would have anything to say. Do you want to come with me when I bring this up to him or do you want to wait for him to call you up?”

“No I am coming with.”

 

We saved the current song and uploaded them onto the USB before Chase called Jay to make sure he was in his office which he was so we made our way up there. The whole way up I worried not only about if he would like the songs but also about who would be in his office. Would it be the jack ass Jay I have come to know, or would it be the Jay I missed. Chase knocked on his door before we walked in to find Jay at his desk going over some documents.

 

“Here yah go Jay, she did some really good work on these.”

“I don’t doubt it, why don’t you guys sit down and we will have a listen.”

 

Chase and I sat down on the same couch that Jay and I had messed around on while Jay sat down opposite of us with his laptop. Jay looked up and gave me a cocky smile probably also thinking about what we had done not too long ago on this very couch. I rolled my eyes and held back the sassy comments. Now was not the time to get into it with him, not when my whole life is on the line. I only had four songs on the EP, two of them were love songs and the other two were more upbeat club type of songs. Jay didn’t say anything the whole time we listened to the songs and I couldn’t help but fidget in my seat wondering what he was thinking. Once the songs were done Jay let out a sigh as he brought his hand to his face and rubbed his chin.

 

“Well Sarah I am not surprised one bit. I knew you had talent when I first met you and it was only backed up more when you were on Gray and Loco’s songs. Now that you have your own songs you can really hear how strong your voice is. I have no doubt that the fans will love them, especially the girls. They are going to eat those love songs up!”

I looked up at Jay with a big smile on my face, “Really? You think these will do?”

“Of course I do, Chase hasn’t shut up once about how much you have brought to the table with your voice and talent. I think for the EP we should lead with one of the love songs, maybe h1gh-luv. We could release some teasers over the next week and then release the song the following week. I think with the fashion show fresh in people’s mind we should get your song out there. I don’t have anything too important planned out next week so we should shoot the MV then. So why don’t you take the day and think of what you envision for h1gh-luv, tomorrow when you get in we can go over it. I know you are going to be pretty busy with the fashion show coming up so I just want to get this taken care of so you will be free to concentrate on that.”

“Sure I can do that.”

“Well if we have nothing left to talk about then Chase I think you are set to work finish up with Loco.”

 

Jay stood to dismiss us and Chase got up and walked out of the room shutting the door while I stood there looking at Jay.

 

“Was there something else you needed Sarah?”

“I just really want to thank you.” I looked down at the floor and put my hands in my pockets while I kicked some imaginary dirt around the floor. “It’s just you didn’t have to do anything for me but you have done so much. I just want you to know how much I appreciate it. I just want you to be proud of me and of this.”

 

Jay walked up to me and grabbed one of my hands from my pocket and held it in his. He used his thumb to rub the top part of my hand while he spoke. “Sarah look at me.”

I looked up at him and stopped my fidgeting but started to chew on my lip, a nervous tick of mine.

 

“I am proud of everything you have done up to this point. Most girls would break being away from their family in a new place and singing in a different language. But here you are strong since day one of coming here. You don’t take shit from no one including me and you know how to have fun. I admire that, I wish some of my guys here had the same mind set as you do. Don’t for one second think that I don’t know how thankful you are. I will always be here to support you and help you anyway I possibly can. If you really wanna show me how much you appreciate me then you could always drop down on your knees.”

I laughed at how he can go from this sweet Jay to the jerk in seconds. “Wow, good to know the jerk is still there. You don’t always have to…”

Jay took his other hand and put a finger to my lips, “I was only joking baby girl, no need to get angry. Everything up until my joke was the truth. Now go and get to work on your vision. I want to hear all about it tomorrow morning.”

 

I smiled and nodded my head before walking past him. Just as my hand was set to pull out of his he held on stronger and stopped me mid stride to pull me to him. He pulled me so strongly that I came crashing into his chest.

 

“Sorry baby girl but I can’t pass up the chance.”

 

Jay’s hands went to cradle my face pulling me in so that his lips touched mine. The kiss wasn’t strong or forceful but it was sweet and gentle. My hands came up to his chest and held on to his shirt while I kissed him back with the same amount of gentleness. One of Jay’s hands left my face to come around my waist holding me closer to him while he swiped his tongue across my lip asking for entrance which I allowed. While we kissed I couldn’t help but to think why he would deny us this. Why he would still push me away yet pull me back. Jay brought me back from my thoughts when he pulled away to rest his forehead against mine.

 

“You better go baby girl before I lose control of myself. I want to ask you to come back home but I know you won’t. So I will see you tomorrow.”

 

With that Jay dropped his hands and walked back around his desk and sat down. I still a little dazed from kissing him walked out of his office and headed towards my room. Just as I was walking down the stairs to main floor still lost in my after-kiss bliss I was stopped by someone in my way. I lifted my head to apologies and to move but stopped myself when I noticed who it was.

 

“Well look who we have here, if it’s not the lost little orphan girl. Still getting in the way as usual I see.”

“Wow you must have taken my advice Baem because I didn’t even smell you slithering your way up here.”

“Oh the little orphan girl has jokes. Listen here little girl, you better start thinking of an exit strategy because you won’t be here much longer. I don’t know what you thought coming here and trying to attach yourself to Jay but whatever you thought you need to know it’s not going to work. You have nothing to offer him while I have so much. Everyone wants to see him settle down with a Korean woman and I plan on being that woman. I have the money that could help him achieve so much and more. So don’t get in my way and leave now while I am asking nicely.”

 

I glared at the snake pissed at what she said.

 

“Keep thinking that Baem, but it won’t work. I don’t plan on going anywhere and I won’t let you mess with Jay and his business.”

“I am not messing with anything, I am just helping him achieve greatness. Don’t be getting any delusional thoughts that you can stop this from happening. Jay doesn’t need your little girl body when he has me.”

“I am sure he has no problem with my body and that he in fact enjoys it very much Baem. So much that he wants me to move back in.”

“Oh please, if Jay has ever touched your body it was because he was a man and had needs that I couldn’t fulfil at that moment. You’re nothing but a convenience, with a man in that position he wouldn’t care who he was sinking his dick into as long as his needs were met.”

“Baem are you sure you’re not talking about yourself. I somehow feel like you are speaking from experience.” I looked at her from head to toe before adding, “A man has to have some pretty low standards to want to sink his dick in you. God who knows how many men have already been there, make sure to keep up on your Kegels. I also really hope Jay is remembering to wrap it up before messing with you, I doubt he wants to catch anything.”

“You little bitch!”

 

The snake moved forward ready to grab me when I heard Gray’s voice call from the bottom of the stairs. Both of us looked towards him.

 

“Hey Sarah, your needed down here.”

 

I smiled before moving to the side and walking past the snake joining Gray at the bottom only to hear the snake say “This isn’t over little girl.”. I didn’t stop to turn towards her and kept walking towards Gray’s room. When we got in the room I fell back onto the couch and let out a frustrating groan.

 

“Princess why are you picking a fight with her?”

“I didn’t do anything, she was the one that started it. All I was doing was walking and she got in my way and started talking shit.”

“Still, you need to ignore her. Just walk past her and don’t pay her any mind.”

“I try to do that but she just gets under my skin. I don’t even know why she is here or why Jay keeps messing with her.”

“All I know is that she has some kind of connection to a network and Jay was offered a spot on some show. I don’t know if that’s why they started seeing each other but that’s all I know. Why what did she say?”

“She was talking about helping him expand and achieve greatness, about how the fans want him to settle down with a Korean woman and she wants to be that woman.”

Gray laughed a little, “Well you know that won’t ever happen. I am surprised that this woman has been kept around this long. Jay doesn’t settle down, not for any woman. So don’t worry too much, I am sure once Jay gets what he needs he will kick her to the curb. Or he will just get sick of her bullshit and will again kick her to the curb. Either way her time here with us is on a countdown.”

 

I felt Gray sit down next to me and put his arm around my shoulder bringing me closer to him.

 

“So Chase said you need to think of some MV concept ideas, need any help?”

 

Gray always knew how to turn my sour mood into something better. I leaned into his embrace and started to rattle off ideas I had. Happy to have my mind on something other than the snake and her twisted plan.


	10. Chapter 10

** Sarah  **

Saturday morning came and it was even more hectic than I thought it would be. I arrived at the venue and was rushed into the back area where I was washed, buffed, and waxed. I never imagined they did these kinds of things for a fashion show, I had always figured the people showed up and went into hair and makeup before being thrown into the clothes. I was given the undergarments that would go well with the clothes before they made me try on each outfit making sure there were no last-minute alterations. When they were satisfied that everything fit properly they put us in silk robes and had us do a mock run on the catwalk while they also did the sound check and lighting. All of the girls and guys participating in the show were very friendly and helped me with any questions I had about the process.

When it was getting closer to the show they had us all gather in the back so Ji Soo could give her speech about how much this meant to her and how much she appreciated all of us being here with her. The music started and it was our cue to get in our first set of clothes.

****

** Jay  **

When we arrived at the venue we took our time walking down the red carpet stopping for pictures here and there. Some wanted pictures of the AOMG team as Gray, Loco, and Chase had also joined me being that Sarah was in the show and Gray was set to perform at the after party. Other reporters wanted pictures of me with Beam, she of course was also invited and tagged along with me not wanting to miss the opportunity to be captured on film hanging off my arm. This little arrangement I had with her was starting to bore me, when I first started this it was only to help me distance myself from Sarah and rid her from my mind. Baem was only supposed to be a distraction but then I was offered a spot on a show and things just got complicated from there. All I wanted to do was cut my ties with this woman, I hated how she was acting thinking something more would come from this. I knew her goal and like hell would I ever settle down with this woman, her nickname fitted her perfectly because she really was a snake. I was still very much confused with everything going on between Sarah and me, I very much so wanted her every time I saw her but I knew it wasn’t a good idea. Plus there was the issue of Gray, he was infatuated with her and I hated that me pushing her away only pushed her into his arms. I wanted her to be happy but damn it if the sight of those two together didn’t make me extremely jealous.

The flashing lights from the cameras brought me back to the present as Baem tugged on my arm leading me towards the entrance to the venue. We were shown to our seats which were front row giving us the best view possible of the catwalk. The music was playing a mixture of hip hop and some remixes of other pop songs but making them sound a little more edgy then the original version. I sat next to Baem and Gray sat next to me followed by Loco and Chase.

 

“Jay baby will you buy me some clothes?”

I rolled my eyes, “Don’t you have your own money?”

“I do but it will look and feel better when I know my boyfriend bought them for me.”

“Fine, I will buy you one outfit. Baem don’t be like those other women out there living off their man’s money. My money needs to be spent on more important things then items for you. God this is why I don’t date.”

Baem’s hand started to snake its way up my arm to my neck where she tried to pull my face to hers but I held back. “Don’t say that, I will give you a little reward later tonight.”

I knew she was trying to sound sexy but it only made my skin crawl for some reason. The sex between us these days hasn’t even been enough to keep me entertained, hell my dick isn’t even getting hard thinking about this reward. “Don’t worry about it.”

 

The lights dimmed down and the music got louder. The catwalk lit up and the models started walking out one by one taking their time to stop for pictures at the end of the catwalk before they turned and walked back down giving the opposite side a chance to also see the garments. When the women started coming out Baem took her phone out and started taking notes of which clothing she liked best.

 

I felt her lean in and whisper in my ear, “These night club garments are going to be a big hit in the club scene I am sure of it.”

 

I turned my head to respond to her comment when I heard Gray and Loco making a fuss next to me.

 

“Who let her wear that? She can’t be in that!”

“What are you talking about Loco, she looks amazing!”

“The hell she does, she is like my baby sister and that is too much, well really it’s too little for her to be wearing.”

 

I turned my head and there she was walking like she owned the cat walk. She was in a attention grabbing outfit that fit her style perfectly. I started at her feet to see her in a pair of black heeled boots that had the heels made up of metal with spikes sticking out. The heels made her legs look like they went on for days until they met with a black short skirt. It was so short that had she fallen or bent over you would have been able to see everything she attempted to hide. Picturing her bent over my desk in that skirt had me adjusting my position in my chair. I continued up and paused when I saw the handcuffs on the belt. I smiled wondering how those had returned, clearly, she was feeling like the bad ass bouncer she was back home. My view continued it’s way up to the shirt that really wasn’t a shirt but some kind of tube top flimsy thing that hugged her too tight. She wore a vest over the top that barely covered her and again there were spikes prominent on the shoulders. Around her neck was a black leather choker that had little handcuffs in the front. Her eyes were dark and smoky while her hair was tightly pulled back into a bun. Gone was the sweet little princess that Gray had everyone envisioning her, no instead here walked a woman dark and deliciously sinful, she was truly the baby girl of my fantasies. I again shifted in my chair feeling my dick get hard at the thought of her moaning out my name, I tried to make the shift look as normal as possible but Baem noticed.

 

“Look a little girl is playing dress up. She shouldn’t really be here, this is for grown women and not some little kid. Who even allowed her to do this.”

 

I nodded my head, not because she shouldn’t be here for that reason but because I didn’t want people to see what I have always seen. Part of me was still very much selfish and was wanting to keep her hidden from the prying eyes of every male in here. I closed my eyes and reminded myself that I can’t act foolishly no matter how much she turned me on. When I opened my eyes, she was just coming back down the cat walk and our eyes connected for a brief second and I wish I saw happiness in them but I didn’t, all I saw was pain. The same thing that I have been seeing since I started to pull away and distance myself from her, more so now since I had my way with her in my office. I hated seeing that look in her eye and hated myself for being the one to put it there. Whenever I saw that look I regretted my choice to distance myself, all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and tell her how sorry I was for everything.

Sarah only came out a few more times in less revealing clothes. Ji Soo was very talented with designing the clothes and I made a note to ask her to design some clothing for the crew. Sarah came out in some every day clothes and in some business attire that made her look even more delicious then first one. She looked like every male’s office fantasy come to life with a tight pencil skirt and long heels. I licked my lips as I watched her walk by making a mental note to ask Ji Soo to gift that particular outfit to Sarah, I would pay Ji Soo any amount she wanted as long as

I got to see that on her body again.....preferably before they lay strewn across my floor. I crossed my arms over my legs and bent forward trying to hide the bulge that would be pretty evident if anyone looked closely. The last outfit of the night was formal wear and Sarah had on a thin black dress that could easily double as lingerie if it was only shorter. It was a classic dress and the accessories were minimal allowing her beauty to shine through.

 

“I may have to buy that one.”

 

I heard Gray say to Loco quietly but I easily heard him. I held back the growl and clenched my fists at the thought of Gray watching Sarah up close with that dress on. The music changed after the last model walked into the back and then the lights got brighter as Ji Soo walked out to bow and thank everyone for coming. When she went into the back the lights came on all the way and everyone slowly made their way to where the after party was going to be held. Gray said he would meet up with us later as he ran to the back to get ready for his performance. He was only going to perform a couple of songs and the rest of the music would be handled by a DJ. I again allowed Baem to link her arm with mine and drag me to the next room.

****

** Gray  **

I walked in the back area and found Ji Soo talking with some models, I looked around for Sarah to talk to her but didn’t see her. I waited for Ji Soo to finish talking before I approached her to congratulate her on an amazing show and of course to put a request in for the black dress she had Sarah in.

 

“Of course she can have it! I am sure she will put that dress to good use during the award show season.”

“Oh for sure she will. Where is she by the way?”

“She is changing into another dress, I had one made especially for the after party. Why don’t you go get changed, I had some clothes made up for you as well.”

 

I thanked Ji Soo before I was shown the way to change into my clothes still not being able to see Sarah.

****

** Jay  **

The DJ was playing some music that I wasn’t paying attention to as I scanned the crowd for my baby girl. I wanted to congratulate her on how amazing she was and how beautiful she looked up there. I saw Ji Soo enter and was swarmed by reports taking pictures of her and asking her questions. I left Baem and the guys back as I walked up to Ji Soo and pulled her into a hug congratulating her and allowing the reports to take some pictures of us together. I asked her where Sarah was and she pointed across the room just as she entered. She was in a dark blue almost black silky dress that had a long slit up the side of her leg. The top of the dress hugged her chest and was held up by some straps that hung off her shoulders. When she turned around to wave at someone I noticed the back of her dress was open fully and went dangerously low to the point that some black lacy material that I assumed were her panties showed with her movement.

 

“Oh no she forgot the necklace, excuse me.”

 

Ji Soo ran back to the dressing rooms to fetch the necklace as I stood there watching Sarah walk and talk to some random people. The room was filled with celebrities from both the music and acting industry, hungry male gazes were trained on her as she went from person to person talking to them. When I saw her stopped by the actor Kim Woo Bin I felt something inside me stir to life, I knew this particular actor was one of her favorites and she often fawned over him and his roles in the dramas. I watched her laugh softly at something he said just as he put his hand behind her back and lead her towards the bar. I wanted to break that hand off him for touching what didn’t belong to him. I was about to move when I heard Ji Soo come back from behind.

 

“Jay can you please help her with this, I need to help one of the models in the back.”

“Sure thing.”

 

She handed me the necklace before she ran back and I made my way towards Sarah. She was laughing and letting her hand rest on his arm to help stabilize herself. When I got closer I cleared my throat to get their attention.

 

“Good evening Sarah.” I smiled before looking up at the male sending him a look that told he him to get. “Good evening Mr. Kim.”

 

He coughed a little saying a reply before he excused himself. I was able to turn my attention to Sarah who didn’t look too happy to be see me.

 

“Well that was rude, I was talking to him.”

“I saw that, he looked as if he was enjoying himself a little too much with your company. Safe to say you were as well.”

She scoffed and went to turn away but I grabbed her hand stopping her. “Wait Ji Soo wanted me to help you with a necklace you forgot.”

Her hand went up noticing she did in fact forget it. “Oh, I can’t believe I forgot it.”

I walked behind her and moved her hair to the side giving me access to her neck. I brought the necklace around her neck and clasped in the back before my hands came to her hips holding her in place as I whispered in her ear. “You looked absolutely breathtaking up there baby girl. That first outfit was perfect for the sassy little kitten in you. But it was that office outfit that probably had every man in here hard as a rock.” I pushed my bulge into her ass to emphasize my point. “You have no idea how hard it was to not jump up on that stage and take you away over my shoulder. The things I had running through my mind of what I wanted to do to you would make even the dirtiest girl blush.”

I heard her gasp before she spoke, “Jay there are people here you can’t do this.”

“To hell with the people here, I want you so bad right now.”

I could feel her skin prickling with goosebumps as I knew she was being turned on with everything I was saying. “Come away with me baby girl, ditch this stupid party.”

 

The start of Gray’s music started playing which must have cleared her mind of the seductive haze I had her in. She pulled away and turned to me with a glare in her eyes and shook her head before she walked off. I was left there at the bar with a raging hard on needing my baby girl but she was already making her way towards the dance floor to watch Gray perform.

****

** Sarah  **

I couldn’t believe he would pull such a stunt where everyone could easily see us. Yeah, he had me turned on but that wasn’t important. I saw him sitting next to the snake as I first came in. I saw the guys all smiling at me but my eyes were drawn to Jay with the suit he was wearing tonight. He looked amazing and I had only wished it was me he was with and not that snake. I noticed her glare at me as I made my way up and down the catwalk. I saw a waiter walking around with glasses of champagne and grabbed one as I made my way to the dance area to watch Gray perform. He looked so handsome in the jack and slacks that Ji Soo had made him, I smiled at him while I drank my drink. My hips were swaying to the beat as he started to jump around the stage hyping up the crowd. I felt him before he spoke, my body was stupid for this man even when my brain was very much against another round of intimacy with him. I felt his hand come around my waste as he came to stand next to me, he pulled me closer to him as I downed my drink.

 

“Has he even made his move yet on you?”

My head shot to the side to look at Jay pissed at his question, “It’s none of your business.”

“Then he hasn’t.”

“If you really need to know, yes and it was mind blowing. He had me screaming his name at the top of my lungs and had me unable to stand with how weak I was in the legs. He was the best I ever had.”

Jay’s grip on me tightened and I knew I hit a nerve, he looked at me with fire in his eyes and a growl in his chest. “Don’t play with me baby girl, I know your lying to me. Even if I haven’t known you your whole life I picked up on some things. Whenever you lie your eye twitches ever so slightly that you could miss it if you aren’t looking for it. So, I know damn well he hasn’t done anything that would make you scream out or weak in the legs.”

_Fuck!_ I didn’t even know he had picked up on that, both of my dads use to laugh whenever I tried to lie to them because they also pointed out that little eye twitch. “We might not have fucked yet he has made a move, he made me feel good and that’s all that matters.” I turned my attention back to Gray and his performance.

“Don’t try and lie to yourself, yes he might have made you feel good but he won’t be able to make you feel the way I do. His voice and touch won’t ever set your skin a fire like mine does. Your body responds to me so well, I know exactly what you want and need.” He leaned in closer to my ear, “I bet your wet right now just thinking about me taking you in this dress. Just say the word baby girl and I will be the one to make you so weak in the legs that I will need to carry you to bed.”

 

I bit back a groan and shook from of his grasp turning and making a B line for the nearest exit. The venue was connected to a hotel and I knew there would be places for me to hide away from Jay or even to just catch a cab out of here. I didn’t want to just ditch Ji Soo on a special night so I took the hallway that lead to some other smaller meeting rooms, figuring if anything I could easily dip into one of them and wait for Gray to finish his song. As I was rounding the corner of the deserted hallway I felt my hand being grabbed and spun around to have my back hit the wall.

 

“Where do you think you are going baby girl.”

I thought I would have been able to hide before he found me but I guess I was wrong, “Away from you.”

“Why would you want to do that?”

“Because we can’t do this Jay, go back to the snake and leave me be. I refuse to play this cat and mouse game with you. I want to be someone’s first choice and priority, I am clearly none of those to you. I deserve that, I don’t need to be confused by you all the fucking time!” My anger was rising every second I was near him. “I won’t play this game with you! I refuse to and you need to get that sick twisted mine of yours straight. So what if I pick Gray over you, you pushed me away Jay! I was fucking happy with what we had going and it was you for some reason who went and started fucking around with that snake of a woman! You were the one being the jack ass towards me who didn’t do a damn thing to warrant such a treatment. So back the fuck up and let me live, let me go find someone who will make me their priority.”

“Even if I let you go to either Gray or some other guy they won’t make you feel the way I do.”

“It’s not always about sex Jay, god! Even if it was who are you to say they won’t have me screaming out in pleasure every night? It’s a two-way street Jay, with every bit of pleasure they give me I will return it tenfold. It will be them who I am on my knees in front of taking their dick in my mouth. It will be them who’s dick is milked by my pussy when it clamps down while I ride out my orgasm on them. It will also be them who gets to taste me whenever they please. It will also be their desk I am bent over, not yours. Think on that Jay, just know it’s all your fault, you only have yourself to blame!”

 

I pushed him away and went to turn to find a room to sit in and collect myself, I left him there standing in the hallway to ponder on my comments. I found a small room that was unlocked and opened the door to walk in, I didn’t even turn to shut the door instead just pushed it back with my hand. The lack of sound coming from the door closing had me turning around thinking I didn’t push it shut hard enough. Instead Jay stood there with his hand on the door holding it open. He looked pissed, I have never seen him look this angry before and it made me worried but at the same time extremely turned on. He stepped in and shut the door before locking it and turning the main light off while leaving the dimmers on.

 

“You shouldn’t have said such things to me baby girl, I don’t appreciate those kinds of visuals.”

“Well you better get used to it Jay, I want to be happy and I only need to move on away from you. You are already distancing yourself from me so just keep doing that and we won’t have any problems.” I went to move towards the door but Jay grabbed my hand that went to reach for the door knob.

“You are not leaving here until you take back what you said.”

“No, why should I. You made your choice Jay and now you have to live with it.”

“I was only doing what I thought was best for you!”

“You don’t get to decide what’s best for me, that’s something I need to decide for myself. If I needed any help with that choice then I would ask for it. But again, it’s the choice you made so live with it!”

 

I went to pull away but his grip on my hand was too tight and he stepped forward which had me backing up until I hit a table. I looked behind me and back to Jay’s face still seeing the anger in his eyes.

 

“Go back to the snake.”

“Fuck that bitch, she was only a distraction from what I have wanted since the first day I saw you.”

I inhaled sharply at his confession, I wasn’t expecting him to say something like this. “Still doesn’t make up for you acting like a jack ass to me.”

Jay let go of my hand and brought that hand up to my face to cup it while his free hand went around my waist pulling me closer to him. “I know it doesn’t and I hate it. I hate that I pushed you to Gray. I hate that look you get in your eye. Part of me want’s to just take you away and spend days on days making up for how I have treated you but there is still a part of me that knows me distancing myself and not going down the path I want is what’s best. God baby girl you have no idea how much of a daily battle it is whenever I see you.”

“That’s exactly what I don’t need, I don’t need to be next to you while you go through this battle. You need to pick a side and stick to it.”

“Just stay right here next to me please baby, don’t leave me until I make that choice.”

 

I looked up into his eyes and saw them soften from the anger he had before. Now he looked vulnerable in front of me. I could see the turmoil he was going through and I wished I could help him but this had to be a choice he made on his own.

 

“Jay I can’t..”

 

I didn’t get a chance to finish what I was trying to say as Jay took my lips with his silencing my rebuttal with his kiss. His kiss was soft and sweet and I couldn’t help but get lost in the way he felt against me. Jay’s hand that was on my face went to my hip before it went down to wear my slit in the dress was. His hand snuck its way under the fabric moving up and around my ass to reveal what kind of underwear I was wearing. He moaned into the kiss when he felt my skin. I deepened the kiss sticking my tongue in his mouth and used it to explore him, he tasted of mint probably from his tooth paste. My hands went around his neck and grabbed at him trying to pull him as close to me as possible. The hand that was holding my hip came around the front my dress to the slit and went under it pulling the material up around my waste to reveal my underwear. I was already backed up to the desk and decided to just sit on it and put my legs around his waist. I felt the bulge in his pants and tried to grind on it needing some kind of pressure on me.

 

Jay pulled back to kiss my skin under my wear while he whispered, “All you need to do is tell me what you want baby.”

“Touch me daddy.” I moaned out and felt him bite down on my ear causing a new rush of liquid to form in my panties.

 

Jay hooked his fingers on the side of my black lacy thong and slowly moved them down and I lifted my hips allowing them to come all the way down. Jay bent taking them and sliding them into his pocket while he smirked up at me, I figured I wouldn’t be seeing them again. While he was down there he pushed the dress out of the way and pulled me to the edge of the table before he stuck his tongue out slowly licking me from the bottom up. My head fell back and I let a low moan escape my lips at the sensation of his soft tongue playing with my lower lips. I felt jay hook both of my legs over his shoulder before he pressed his tongue fully against me and sucking on the top part trying to part my lips. He was going so slowly and I needed to feel him.

 

“Please daddy don’t tease me, touch me!”

“Such a greedy baby tonight.”

 

Jay parted my lips and pushed his tongue in swirling it around and spreading my juices before he retracted it only to replace it with two fingers. With the presence of his fingers inside caused me to buck my hips and I tried to push down on them needing them far inside me. Jay held me still with his free hand as he pumped is fingers in and out of me. I was moaning and begging him for more which caused him to take my clit in his mouth sucking on it harshly. His fingers kept passing over that perfect spot and I felt my orgasm building up.

 

“God yes, just like that please don’t stop.”

 

Jay sped up his movements and then bit down on my clit causing me to fly off the edge of bliss. I screamed out his name not caring if anyone heard me. Maybe it was the mixture of the emotions from our argument and what he was doing but this orgasm was the most powerful one I have ever had with anyone or on my own. My eyes were squeezed shut and tears were prickling at the edge as I rode out the orgasm. When I was done and coming back from bliss I looked up and saw Jay kiss the inside of my legs before he stood and nestled himself between my legs. He bent down to capture my lips with his allowing me to taste myself on him. I heard his zipper go down and he pulled away to look me in the eyes.

 

“I don’t have a condom baby girl.”

“It’s fine I trust your clean and I am on birth control.”

“Are you sure?”

 

I nodded my head and pulled him back down to kiss me as I felt his tip at my entrance and then felt him fill me in one single thrust. I moaned into his lips at the feeling of him being fully inside me. I could never get over how good he felt, I wished we could stay here in this moment all night. He slowly started thrusting in and out of me at a slow pace while he broke away from our kiss to make a wet trail down my neck to my collarbone. I felt him suck and nip at my skin making me clamp down on him earning me a groan from him.

 

“Fuck baby I love when you do that.”

 

Jay took a hand and stuck it between our connected bodies trying to play with my clit but I begged him not to as I was still so sensitive from my first orgasm. He apologized and kept thrusting in me. I loved how sweet he was being and how loving his movements were. It made me happy but at the same time I felt my heart break a little at the thought of us going back to where we were just minutes ago. Jay must have sensed my inner pain because he stopped and looked into my eyes.

 

“Baby don’t think of anything but us right here, right now. Concentrate on how amazing you feel, don’t over think things.” He came back down to kiss away a tear that had slowly escaped my eye.

 

I nodded my head and moved my head to capture his lips with mine. Jay began to quicken his pace while he nibbled on my lip making me moan out. Even with how powerful my first orgasm was I felt the pleasure building up again. Jay adjusted his hold on me giving him a better chance to go deeper catching that little nerve bundle with the head of his dick. I broke the kiss and moved my head to the side to moan out.

 

“Yes baby, just feel that. Concentrate on that feeling, the feeling of my cock sliding in and out of your tight pussy. How good it feels and how warm it is.”

 

I moaned for him to go faster and he obliged now pistoning his member in and out of me. I felt him get even bigger knowing he was getting close and with a couple of more thrusts I was clamping down on him as I rode out another orgasm that wasn’t as strong as the first. I heard him moan out my name before I felt him twitch inside me as he shot streams of hot cum deep inside me.

 

“Sorry baby, I didn’t mean to cum inside you. I really wanted to pull out but you were holding onto me so tightly.”

I kissed his lips gently, “Don’t worry about it, but now you need to find something to clean up this mess you made.”

 

Jay smiled and laughed at me before he pulled out of me and found some tissue using it to wipe both of us up. He helped me stand up and held onto me as I felt myself get a little dizzy.

 

“You ok baby girl?”

“Yeah I just haven’t eaten much of anything today.”

“Well let’s go get you something to eat.”

“Sounds good, but first can I have my panties back?”

“Not a chance in hell, I want to watch you walk around without these panties on. I want to watch you squirm knowing I have them in my pocket.”

 

I rolled my eyes and let him lead me out of the room leaving it smelling like sex. We walked back to the ballroom and Ji Soo found us.

 

“Sarah I was looking all over for you.”

“Sorry, I needed some air.”

“That’s ok, I wanted to introduce you to some people.”

Jay put his arm around my waste, “Sarah needs to eat first Ji Soo, she hasn’t had much to eat all day.”

“Don’t worry Jay I will make sure to feed her. Besides that Baem woman was looking for you, she looked as if she need you urgently.”

 

Just the mention of the snake brought back all the emotions I was trying to forget. I walked out of Jay’s arm and went with Ji Soo needing to get some space between us. I was upset with myself again that I allowed myself to be pulled back in to this stupid dance we had going on. I just wanted Jay to make up his damn mind on what he wanted. As Ji Soo filled me a small plate I made the choice then to not feed into this mess and to start putting my own distance between us.


	11. Chapter 11

 

** Gray **

I had just finished with my lineup and was walking around looking for Sarah. I had thought she would have been there to watch me perform but when I scanned the crowd I didn’t see her. I spotted Loco and Chase and walked up to them. I asked if they had seen Sarah but they shook their heads no.

 

“Where is Jay?”

They looked at each other and before Loco responded, “Not sure, we haven’t seen him in a good minute.”

 

I nodded my head and took off to find the missing two. I was starting to get worried because no one could find them, even Ji Soo came up to me and asked if I had seen Sarah. I pulled out my phone and was ready to call her when I spotted them. Jay looked happy with a small smile playing on his lips while his hand was on Sarah’s back leading her into the room. Sarah also had a small smile on her face that was also somewhat flushed. Ji Soo had also found them and was taking Sarah away who looked upset now. Jay looked like he was thinking hard on something and then he stuck his hand in his pocket, it looked like he was holding onto something. I saw him smile for a second before he turned to walk towards the snake.

I stood back watching Sarah a little longer being introduced to different people. She tried to act as if she was happy but I could see the pain in her eyes. Something had happened for sure between the two of them. Whatever Ji Soo had said to them must have been bad to make her whole mood change in a matter of seconds. I had an idea of what the two were doing together but I didn’t want to believe it. I had hoped whatever was going on between the two were over and I would be able to be with her. Sarah was left alone finally and I took the chance to talk to her for the first time all night.

 

I pulled her into a hug and gave her a kiss on her cheek, “Hey princess you looked amazing out there tonight.”

“Thank you, you looked pretty good up there tonight as well.” She said as she smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes nor did her eyes match her words.

“Oh you saw my performance? I was looking in the crowd for you and didn’t see you. Where did you go?”

“Oh, yeah I saw a little bit but then stepped out for some air. It was getting hot in there and I just needed some air.”

“Are you ok?”

“I’m ok but not really. I think this was all a little too much tonight, do you want to go? I’m finished up here and Ji Soo won’t need me anymore.”

 

I studied her face before nodding and helping her to the back area to collect her things. The whole car ride back home I kept sneaking glances over at her. She was really quiet and a few times I thought she had maybe fallen asleep.

 

“Sarah are you ok?”

“Yeah I’m good, just tired.”

 

I didn’t try and push her anymore the rest of the ride home. When we finally got home she went into the bathroom to wash up while I went into the kitchen and sat down drinking some water trying to figure out a way to get her to talk. I heard the shower turn off before she walked out of the bathroom in her robe and went right to the bedroom. I placed my glass down on the counter before I stood up and made my way to the bedroom. The door wasn’t shut all the way so I pushed it open and saw her pulling her pants on. Her hair was up in a tight bun and she had on a thin tank top. I smiled as I watched her applying lotion to her arms. When she got to her shoulder my smile fell from my face as I noticed the mark near her collar bone. She turned around and went to sit on the bed to apply the lotion to her legs. Slowly I walked over to her and asked her again.

 

“Princess where were you?”

She looked up at me with a confused look, “I told you, I was outside getting some air.”

 

Now that I was closer to her I could see the bite mark and purple coloring that told me all I needed to know. I closed my eyes not wanting to see Jay’s mark on her body.

 

“Can you move, I want to go to bed.”

“Oh sorry.”

 

She got up and went to her side of the bed before she pulled the covers back and climbed in. I walked back to the door to turn the light off before returning to the bed and climbing in. I laid facing away from her, the pain in my chest making it harder to breath just being so close to her. I couldn’t say I loved her but I knew I could easily get to that point. I closed my eyes wonder what hurt more, the fact she lied about where she was or the fact that she fucked Jay and he left his mark.

****

****

** Sarah **

I woke up pretty early and could hear Gray slowly breathing next to me. I slowly got out of the bed making sure I didn’t wake him. I grabbed some clothes before I shut the door and went to the bathroom to change. I knew what I had to do and I knew it was going to hurt Gray but it was for the best. Once I was washed I left Gray a note on the counter telling him I would be back later before I put my shoes on and walked out.

I went around the block to the coffee shop to grab some food and figure out where to start my search. I didn’t have much money and I didn’t want to ask anyone for any help but I knew it was time to find my own place. I pulled my phone out once I sat down with my order and started looking at some places. As I looked at more places I realized that I wouldn’t be able to stay near here if I wanted to stay within budget. The more I thought on this the more I saw it as a good thing. The further away I was from the studio and where the guys usually hung out after work the less I would run into Jay or Gray. I found a realtor around the area I was looking at and made a call, thankfully they said I could stop by and they could show me a few rooms they had open. I finished my food before going out to catch the bus.

The ride to that side of town was long and while I wasn’t looking forward to the long bus ride every morning I kept reminding myself this was a good thing. The area wasn’t too bad, there were still some store fronts and corner stores along with scattered restaurants. The area didn’t make me as anxious, if anything it reminded me of my neighborhood back home. I found the realtor office after wandering around taking in the neighborhood. When I walked in I was welcomed by an older gentleman who looked to be about my dad’s age.

 

“Hello, I called earlier about some rooms that were open?”

“Oh yes, please please come in and have a seat.”

 

I thanked him before I took a seat across from him at a small table.

 

“So how much do you have for a deposit and how much were you looking to pay a month?”

 

I told him what I had and what I was looking to pay. He smiled and said he had a few that were vacant at the moment and that he could mark the rent half off since it was already into the month. I thanked him and we got up to go look at the rooms. The first one was very small and didn’t have any room to move around, I could basically sit on a mattress and reach what he called a stove but really it was just an electric warming dish. There was no sink and the bathroom was outside of the room. The next one was a room below a computer café, this one was roomier but it had no air circulation because there were no windows at all. Plus you could hear all the commotion from the café above. The employees were also coming down all the time because the storage room was also down here. The next two were also not a right fit, one was above a bar and the other was above a house and the house owners had a long list of demands for the tenant. I was starting to doubt that I would ever find a place. We walked up to a corner store and he mentions that this was the last one. It was a room on the roof of the store and that I would have full access to the roof as there was nothing being stored up there. We took the back stairs up to the roof and I noticed it wasn’t too large but there was a table to eat on and a place to wash your clothes outside and hang them to dry. The room had an electric lock and when we walked in I was surprised at how roomy it was. When you walk in you are instantly in the kitchen space, there was a sliding door separating the two rooms. The main room was spacious enough for a small bed and a small dresser, there was also a door that opened up to a small bathroom. I knew this was probably as good as I was going to get and we went back to his office to go over the paper work.

I was sitting down at the little table inside the realtor office waiting for him to draft up the documents when an older woman came into the office looking a bit frantic.

 

“Mister Ma I have a problem!”

 

The woman ran up to him with tears in her eyes and started talking to quickly for me to follow. From what I could understand her aunt back in the states was very sick and she needed to leave today to get to her. The realtor took her to his desk and they continued talking often looking back at me. I tried to not look up and took out my phone to just scroll through social media while they talked. The realtor came over and cleared his throat to get my attention.

 

“Miss if I may propose a rather strange offer to you?”

“Go ahead.”

“You see my tenant here needs to leave for the states on a family emergency. Her lease isn’t up for another 5 months, how would you feel like renting out her place with furnishings for the next 5 months. You won’t even have to worry about this month’s rent, and I will charge you the same as the rooftop room.”

“That sounds amazing but I don’t know where it is or what it looks like.”

The woman came over and sat across from me pulling out her phone.

“Here are some pictures, please this would help me out so much. It’s such a nice place and the neighbors are super nice. There is never any kind of issues in the area either. It’s not that far from here in an apartment building that even has an elevator.”

 

I took the phone from her and looked at the pictures, I was pretty surprised at how nice the apartment was. I was even happier that it was an apartment and not just a small room the size of a storage space.

 

“It’s only for 5 months, what about when that ends?”

The realtor stepped in, “Depending on if Miss Suae has to stay in the states we can extend the lease at that point or I can help you find another place.”

 

I sat for a moment looking at the pictures again, I was set to settle on the rooftop room but this was too good of an offer to pass up.

 

“Sure I will take it.”

 

The two of them clapped and he brought the paper work over for me to sign. Suae told me she would have everything of hers packed and out of the apartment by the end of the day as she was needing to leave right away. They told me I could move in tomorrow if I wanted to. I paid my fees and was handed the key card for the apartment.

I made my way back home not really looking forward to the conversation I was about to have but the plan was already in motion. When I walked into the apartment Gray was sitting on the couch watching a basketball game and he muted it and turned towards me not looking to happy.

 

“Where were you?”

“I was out looking at places.”

“Why?”

“Because I wanted to, this was always the plan Gray.”

“Why can’t you just stay here? It’s a big enough apartment for the two of us.”

“Gray you knew this was always going to happen, I told you when I moved in here that I would only stay long enough for me to get some money and then I would be moving out.”

“I know you don’t have enough money to move and you didn’t ask for any help. So again why are you moving?”

****

****

** Gray **

“Gray why are you making such a big deal about this.”

“I don’t know why you can’t just stay.”

 

I was starting to get really frustrated with her answer, she just kept repeating the same line over and over and I wasn’t buying it. There had to be another reason for her to want to move. Images of last night came flooding back in of the two of them coming back and then seeing his mark on her.

 

“I don’t buy that excuse one bit. Are you moving so you will be able to fuck Jay whenever you want?”

“This has nothing to do with Jay.”

 

I knew she was lying and I stood up from my spot on the couch and walked over to her pulling her shirt down to expose the mark on her that was starting to fade.

  
“The wind must have been rather aggressive last night.”

 

She slapped my hand away and glared at me as I turned to walk back to the couch sitting down before I spoke again.

 

“I don’t know why you bother trying to lie to me, I saw the two of you walking back together. I know you were with him, I didn’t want to believe it at first. I really wanted to believe you when you said you went out for air but then I saw that mark, his mark…..and I knew instantly my fear had come to life.”

“Gray I’m sorry but you knew I was going through some shit and this is why I didn’t want to stay here. I told you it wasn’t fair to you. That’s why I’m moving, because me staying here isn’t fair to you. I can’t be here feeding into whatever this is between us.”

I stood up feeling the anger inside me rise, “Whatever this is between us? THIS?” I motioned between the two of us. “I thought THIS was a WE! I told you to give me a chance to show you how things could be but you couldn’t even do that! No you couldn’t just let him go could you? You couldn’t just push him from your mind and let me have a shot at making you happy! God Sarah you know how he is, hell he is fucking the snake right now! How could you be so stupid to think he will change. Jay isn’t the take home to mom and dad kind and you know it! He is the guy who fucks you and never calls back!”

“Gray just stop! God I should never have moved in here, I knew this wasn’t going to end well.”

“Of course it wasn’t because you couldn’t stop thinking of Jay! Of Jay my fucking friend and our fucking BOSS! What the fuck Sarah, what part of this sounded like a good idea to you?”

“I fucking told you Gray I was confused.”

“No Sarah, how can you get confused between two guys? This isn’t some kind of drama on the TV Sarah, this is real fucking life! You can be confused about what to eat for dinner or what to wear, but you don’t get confused about what guy you want to fuck!”

“I know and I’m sorry, god you have no idea how sorry I am right now.”

“Sorry doesn’t fix things Sarah. Sorry doesn’t take back that you let him stick his dick inside you! Was this even the first time? How many times have you even fucked him?”

“Gray….”

“God this isn’t the first time is it?” My hands went to my hair pulling on it as I was at a loss of words. I looked towards Sarah who I could see the tears building up in her eyes. “No you don’t get to cry and make me feel bad Sarah, you did this. You made the choice to fuck him, you could have said no. One simple word would have stopped all of this, but you chose not to say it.”

“Gray please.”

She reached out for me but I stepped back with my hands up, “I can’t be here right now.”

 

I stepped around her and went for the door, I put my shoes on and grabbed my things before walking out slamming the door. I leaned against the door trying to calm my racing heart as I heard her crying from the other side of the door. I shook my head and took the elevator down before getting in my car. I called both Loco and Chase but both of them were too busy and couldn’t come out. There was no other place to go so I went to the studio, if anything I could throw myself into some work or just drink the pain away.

I pulled up to the studio and parked the car. I walked in and noticed some lights were on in another room and walked over to see who it was.

 

“Oh hey Simon, what are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing Gray, what brings you here.”

“I need some space and thought this would be a good place.”

“Well don’t let me stand in your way, unless you want to have some drinks with me?”

“Drinks sound great.”

 

I walked into his room and sat down on the couch as he pulled a hidden stash of liquor out of his cabinet. For the next couple of hours we sat there drinking and talking about random shit when Simon finally hits me with it.

 

“Why are you really here Gray, why aren’t you at home with Sarah?”

 

I sighed looking down at my hands thinking of how to tell him what was going on.

 

“We fought.”

“Well all couples do that.”

“Yeah but we aren’t even a couple. We are just roommates I guess. I mean fuck man, I am crazy for this girl. God she just makes the world a brighter place, or she used to. I knew she had feelings for Jay, she told me she was confused. How can someone be confused about liking two guys?”

 

I took another shot before continuing.

 

“The other day I was looking for her while I was performing and didn’t see her. After I looked for her and when I finally found her she was walking back in with Jay, both of them had a freshly fucked look to them. I didn’t want to believe what I was seeing but later when I got home I saw a bite mark and a hickey on her. Up until earlier tonight she had lied and said she was getting air. She lied up until I told her I knew the truth. She has been fucking Jay but then coming to my bed and sleeping with me, well not sleeping as fucking but just sleeping. We never even got to the point of actually fucking, no I guess that was saved for Jay only. How could I have been so stupid Simon. She wants to move now, says we need space.”

 

I put my head in my hands while I waited for him to respond. I wasn’t expecting to tell this to anyone but here I am drunk and spilling everything to Jay’s best friend.

 

“Wow, well I wasn’t expecting that. But man you have to understand you are not stupid and she has every right to be confused. I don’t think you know how charming you and Jay can be, I have sat back for years watching you and Jay charm the panties off hundreds of women. Yes while you tend to stick to one girl longer then Jay, you both are so much alike in the way you work the women. So I can completely understand how she could get confused. Now just hear me out, you might now like what I have to say but you need to hear it.”

“Ok.”

“Let Sarah move, let her have the space that not only she needs but you all need. You all deserve to find happiness in life but with the way things are going neither of you three will find it. So let her move and take the time to get your heads straight. Other than work I really think you shouldn’t be contacting each other. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but she won’t ever figure things out with you two hanging around her. The same goes for you, you won’t ever get things straight with your feelings if you see the two of them together or see her. Now I don’t want you to worry about the times she is in the studio. I will run interference between her and Jay so that she has space from him too. So just relax and take this time to do some soul searching. I mean it Gray don’t be trying to hold on to her, that won’t end well for either of you.”

 

I nodded my head and he stood up to come patt my shoulder before saying he was taking off. Instead of going back home I decided to just finish off the bottle of soju and sleep at the studio. It wouldn’t be the first time I have slept at the studio, but it would be the first time since Sarah moved in.

****

****

** Sarah **

I woke up to my head feeling like I went 10 rounds with Connor McGregor and when I looked in the mirror I swear my face looked like it too. My eyes were red and swollen along with my face. I closed my eyes at the reflection in the mirror knew I deserved this. I cleaned myself up and took some aspirin before going into the studio. I wasn’t looking forward to this as I was set to go over concept ideas for the MV with Jay.

When I got into the studio I went right up to Jay’s office, I knocked before I walked in to find Jay and Simon sitting on the couch waiting for me.

 

“Good morning Sarah, I hope you don’t mind me sitting in on this.”

“Not at all Simon.”

 

I took a seat across from the two guys and we started the meeting going over the ideas I had for the MV. We decided to just go with a basic love story concept, girl meets boy and falls in love. Lots of bright colors and bright lights. Lots of hand holding and long gazes into each other eyes. The dates for the filming were set and a location would be chosen later today and I would be notified of where it would be. I thanked them both and stood to leave. Simon followed me out and asked if he could speak to me for a moment, I nodded and followed him to his office. We walked in and he motioned me to have a seat which I did.

 

“So last night I was working pretty late and was surprised to find Gray walking into the studio looking pretty upset.”

“Oh so that’s where he went.”

“Yes, he came here. After having some drinks he finally told me what was wrong.”

“He did?”

“Yes, he told me everything.”

 

I looked down at my hands ashamed that Simon now knew about what was going on between the three of us. I really didn’t want anyone else knowing this, especially Simon.

 

“I can only imagine what you think of me now. Here I am the American girl who lead both of your friends on. I feel so ashamed right now.”

“I don’t think that, but I can’t say I am happy either. Those two are brothers to me and I am not all that happy that they are both hurting right now. Nor am I happy that said pain is caused by the same reason, their affection for you. But I can understand your feelings, trust me I have seen how these guys are with women.”

“Still doesn’t make this right.”

“I agree it doesn’t, but you moving will help make things better. Gray told me you planed on moving out of his apartment I think that’s the right idea. You all need space to get your head straight. I already told Gray this but you all need to stop any kind of contact outside of work. Take the time to get your heads straight.”

I nodded my head. “Yes, that’s what I was thinking. Could you do me a favor?”

“Depends on what it is?”

“Could you keep the two of them busy? I don’t have anything to do in the studio and my new place is open for me to move in today. If I move while Gray is home he might change his mind and will try and make me stay. Please keep them here so that I can move all my stuff out.”

“I can do that.”

“Thank you Simon, and again I am sorry for the mess I caused.”

“Don’t worry about it Sarah, just fix it.”

 

I nodded and left the studio. I went straight to Gray’s and started throwing my things into bags and boxed up the rest of my things. Before I called the cab I wrote Gray a letter and left it on the counter. With everything ready I called a cab and got the security guards help with moving the boxes down stairs and loading them into the cab. The ride to the new place was just as long as the bus ride and eventually we pulled up to a decent apartment. I asked the cab driver if he could please help me with the boxes if I paid him extra and he agreed to help me. The driver helped me put everything into the apartment before he left. I stood there in the new place looking everything over. There was a full kitchen and a small dining room table. It opened up into the living room that held a couch. There were two doors in on either side of the couch, one lead to a small bedroom and the other lead to the bathroom. With everything here I took a bus ride this time heading to Jay’s apartment to leave him a letter as well. On the way back I stopped off at the corner to grab some stuff for the apartment. When I got back to the apartment it was dark and I knew the two of them would be heading home soon.

****

****

** Gray **

My whole body was aching and all I wanted to do was go home and take a hot shower. I wasn’t looking forward to talking with Sarah but it had to be done. When I got into the apartment it was dark and quiet, I thought maybe she went to bed early and went to check in on her. I opened the bedroom door to find the room dark and empty.

_Maybe she stepped out._

I thought to myself as I went back to the kitchen to take an aspirin before I showered. I was reaching for the pill bottle that was on the counter when I noticed it. A folded piece of paper with my name written on it. All thoughts of the pain in my body was gone from my mind, only replaced with dread as I reached for the paper.

_Gray, I am sorry for doing it this way but I feel it’s for the best._

_Had I waited for you to get home you would never had let me go._

_Please don’t think I never cared for you because I do._

_This mess I put us in isn’t healthy for anyone, that’s why I left._

_Please don’t ask me where I am, just know I am safe._

_I talked with Simon and I agree with everything he said._

_We need time to get our heads straight, so please respect the space I need._

_I am sorry for everything, please know that._

_This isn’t a good bye either so don’t think that._

_We will still see each other at the studio, but let’s keep it processional._

_Always, Sarah._

I crunched the paper in my hand before I threw it on the counter and ran back to the room. I opened all her drawers to find them empty, I went to the closet to find all of her clothes gone. The boxes she had in the hall closet were also gone. I stood there in the middle of the hallway hurt and angry. I was angry at her and myself and at Jay. If he had just let her go none of this would have happened. With the anger flowing through my veins like molten lava I grabbed my keys and went to my car pealing out of the parking lot and speeding to the studio. I barely had the car at a stop before throwing it into park and running into the studio. I took the stairs two at a time running up to Jay’s office. I didn’t bother knocking on the door before I burst through them. Jay and Simon were sitting on the couch going over things.

 

“Gray what’s wrong?”

 

I walk over to Jay and grab him by his shirt pulling him up, Simon also stood trying to get me to release Jay.

 

“This is all your fucking fault! If you would have just let her be then this wouldn’t be happening! But no you couldn’t fucking do it! You had to continue playing with her even after you had the fucking snake in your bed. You were the one who pushed her out of your place and it’s you again who is pushing her out of mine! This is all your fucking fault you son of a bitch!”

 

I pulled a hand back ready to punch him but Simon ran to the other side to get in between the two of us.

 

“Gray stop this, don’t do something you will regret. Let him go.”

I glared at Jay but did as Simon said and took a couple of steps back.

“What the fuck are you even talking about Gray? Who is gone?”

“Sarah! She is gone, she packed all her shit and left. I know you have been fucking her! I saw the nice little mark you left on her. Why couldn’t you have just left her alone, I would have made her happy. With this back forth thing you have going on it really confused her. Why Jay, why couldn’t you have just left things alone.”

****

****

** Jay **

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, there is no way she would have moved without telling us. I went to walk towards the door but Simon grabbed my arm stopping me.

 

“Jay don’t.”

“Let me go, I have to go find her. Gray where is she?”

“I don’t know where she is, she told me to not ask either.”

I tried to move again but Simon held on tighter before he pushed me back towards the couch.

“Both of you sit your asses down and listen to me.”

 

I sat down and Gray took a spot in the chair across from me, I didn’t want to be here to listen to anything. I had to get out of here and find her.

 

“I get emotions are high for both of you right now but you need to think things through. I know you both have some strong emotions for this girl but you need to know that if you all keep pushing forward with the way things are going no one will get out of this unscathed. Do you really want this issue to ruin your friendship? You two are like brothers, you have been through some rough shit together. But like hell will I sit back and watch you throw all those years away because of a girl. Don’t get me wrong I like her but you two are my priority right now, you guys rank higher than her. I don’t want either of you to try to find her, she will continue coming into work but while she is here it will be a professional relationship only. Nothing other than work will be discussed, as for her MV I will be taking that over. I don’t want either of you involved in her work for the time being. Please don’t let this get out of hand.”

“Fine.”

 

Gray stood and walked out the door not even giving me a second glance. I looked up at Simon knowing he was right but I didn’t want to lose her.

 

“Jay I fucking mean it, you try and find her or push for something and I will take my shares and find another studio or something. I won’t let you mess this up. You have worked so fucking hard for this, keep that in mind.”

 

Simon grabbed his stuff before patting me on the back and walking out of my office letting the door shut. I sat back and closed my eyes feeling the tears well up.

 

“How did I let it get this far.”

 

I said out loud to my now empty office.


	12. Chapter 12

** Sarah **

The ride to the studio on the bus was getting easier to deal with as the weeks dragged on. I still hated myself every minute of the day for putting us all through this. Gray was so right when he told me this wasn’t something to get confused on. I not only hated myself for basically stringing Gray along but for almost destroying his friendship with Jay. I was that girl you always hear about who inserted herself into a strong group of friends only to come between two of them. To pit friend against friend only because I was a selfish person. Every night when I got home I would look at social media and see the pics of everyone and you could tell there was some strain between Gray and Jay. Gray didn’t deserve this at all, that man deserved the world! He was the sweetest and most loving man I had ever met. Neither of the guys ever tried to contact me once I had moved, that stayed true to the agreement we made and I was thankful. I wish my mind was clear now but it still wasn’t, Hua even told me to just come back home after the contract was up and I was starting to wonder if that was the best option. I loved what my career had become but not who I had become.

I walked briskly from the bust stop to the studio wanting to get inside and get a cup of coffee before the day started. When I walked into the break room Simon and Gray were there talking. Simon smiled up at me while Gray kept looking at the ground before excusing himself and walking right past me without even giving me a glance. The pain I felt at his cold shoulder was justified, I was the reason things were like this. I walked over to Simon to make a cup for myself trying not to let the pain show.

 

“Still not talking to you?”

Clearly, I suck at concealing my feelings, “He hasn’t said a word to me since the night he left the apartment.”

“He will come around.”

“It’s been a couple of months Simon, I don’t think he will and I can’t really blame him.”

“Don’t stress it.”

 

Simon gave me a sad smile before he walked away as well. Gray won’t look at me, won’t speak to me, and he leaves the room when he has a chance. I disgust him, my presence sours the mood and it only makes Hua’s suggestion more appealing. No one ever brings up the distance that came between me and Gray but I know they noticed it. The glances my way followed by hush conversations when they don’t think I am looking. The quick finger pointing across a crowded room followed by laughter, that’s what I have been reduced too. I doubt anyone outside of the four of us know the reason for the coldness between us but I still had my fears. It honestly felt like I was back in high school but worse, the anxiety I haven’t had in years slowly was resurfacing. The fear of being the social outcast and having nasty rude comments written about you on the bathroom stall had now evolved to comments being written on social media. While the comments back in the day could be painted over, today once a comment was out there it couldn’t be taken back. It just takes one comment and then it spreads in seconds, tweets are shared from one person to another. Blogs pick up on it and screen shots are taken, the receipts as people call it now. Those are shared through conversations and posted online, the spilling of the tea if you will. Everyone loves to hear the drama that is hot at the moment, I didn’t want to be that drama and it was my biggest fear.

As I walked with my hot glass of coffee I spotted Jay walking with Simon up to the office and I just moved out of sight and watched him. Jay wasn’t like Gray, he actually spoke to me when needed. The conversations were short only quick answers from him but if he didn’t need to he wouldn’t talk to me. Had he not been the boss I doubt he would have talked to me, it would have come off as unprofessional if he completely ignored me. He never averted his eyes from me but some days I wish he would. I could see the pain in his and I knew it was pain because it was the same thing I saw in my own every time I looked in a mirror. The two of us were the main cause of the pain, while I was the primary reason of the pain we both played equal parts in this. If we didn’t play into our feelings for each other and kept it professional this would never had happened. The only good thing that came from this was the fact that he had finally kicked Baem to the curb. She was finally out of his life and never came around the studio. If it wasn’t for the problem between the three of us then things would have been back to how they were when I first started this.

_I wish I could go back in time and change this._

 

I thought as I held back the tears that were wanting to surface yet again. I had spent more than enough nights crying over this. I rarely went out with the group unless it was needed. If I wasn’t at the studio then I was at home or doing something else that was needed for work. I just didn’t have it in me to fake my happiness around people. I just like Gray through myself into my work and that was good enough for me.

I was just finishing up some lyrics for a new song and getting ready to go grab something to eat when Simon walked in.

 

“Hey Sarah do you have a second?”

“Sure Simon.”

 

I sat back down and he sat down next to me.

 

“So with your MV out now and the release of your album coming up I thought it would be a great time to get you some screen time.”

“Screen time?”

“Yes, not acting or anything. I was thinking more along the lines of a variety show. I think you will be pretty happy because it’s going to be ‘RUNNING MAN’.”

 

I sat there looking at him with my mouth hanging open, that was my favorite show and a guilty pleasure of mine. Whenever I would get stuck I would take some time away from my work and watch either the new episode or old ones.

 

“So what do you think?”

“Oh my god yes! WOW! I can’t believe this, I am going to be on RUNNING MAN?”

“You sure will, they had a spot open and called us to see if you were free. It was super short notice but we didn’t have you scheduled for anything. So the filming is set for tomorrow, again I know super short notice and I am sorry for that.”

“No don’t worry, you could have said it was later today and I would have been fine with it. I mean its RUNNING MAN for crying out loud!”

“I am glad you are happy with this, it’s been awhile since I have seen a true honest smile out of you. I think this will be good for you.”

“Thank you Simon, for everything.”

“Don’t mention it, I have some other things to handle but I will send you all the info for tomorrow.”

 

I stood and gave him a side hug before thanking him again for doing this. The rest of the day was spent with a much happier atmosphere then I had been in for a while. Even Loco and Chase brought up how I looked happier and I was very thankful I still had them to share the news with. Of course, they teased me with going on the show because they knew I thought Lee Kwang Soo was attractive and adorable, it was always funny watching him on the show being teased by Jong Kook. They asked if I wanted to go out for drinks but I declined wanting to get a good night’s sleep so I would be refreshed for filming. I walked with the guys out of the studio and ran into Jay who was waiting for them. We all just stood there waiting for someone to make a move, Jay broke the silence first.

 

“I heard about RUNNING MAN, you must be pretty excited.”

“I am.”

“Well have fun.”

“I will.”

 

Jay cleared his throat and started walking towards his car and I started walking towards the bus stop when he called out to me.

 

“Sarah!”

I turned around, “Yeah?”

“It’s going to be cold tomorrow, make sure you dress warm.”

“I will.”

“Ok…..good. See you later.”

 

Jay didn’t say anything else before he got into his car and sped off. I didn’t allow myself to think anything more into his comments, I needed to stay strong in my attempt at having space. I didn’t make any stops before going home and getting ready for bed.

The next morning, I woke up and got dressed making sure to dress nice but comfy going with a pair of jeans and long sleeve shirt. I figured if we were doing anything like I have seen in the past I wouldn’t need a big heavy jacket because we would be none stop moving making sure I would stay warm. I grabbed a lighter jacket and a hat and gloves before going to catch a cab. I arrived at the filming location and was met with the PD of the show who went over everything with me but didn’t tell me what we would be doing today.

Filming began and I was introduced to the cast and was surprised that they even knew who I was. I mean yeah they could have been told about me but Haha looked to be super happy to have me on the show. They asked me a bunch of questions about coming here from the states and how my experience has been in the industry. It was fun being able to talk about everything and they were all so welcoming to me. Then the next guest was introduced and even I was super excited to see that it was Kim Woo Bin. We greeted each other and he went on to tell them about the fashion show I was in which earned me more questions. Eventually the show started with the first game which was a game of talent where we were measured on different talents from dancing to impressions of people and animals to reenacting lines from our favorite movies or shows. It was so much fun and thankfully I didn’t embarrass myself too much. The next game was also outside and I was starting to regret my choice in jackets as even with all the movement I was getting cold. This was the normal race to find an object hidden on the compound and there was a hidden guard within the cast who ripped off name tags of people to banish them from the game. If the item was found then the guard would have to suffer a punishment. Had the guard not been Jong Kook I am sure we would have won but the man was a beast and took everyone out before we could find the item. Since he won he got to pick the person up for penalty and of course he picked Kwang Soo who suffered a water bomb in the freezing cold weather. After the filming was over I thanked everyone for having me and they wished me luck with my album release.

I took a cab home and thankfully the cab driver cranked the heat for me as I tried to thaw out my frozen body. When I got home I stripped my clothes and jumped in the shower turning the temperature as hot as it would go not caring if I gave myself any kind of burns from the heat. When the water started getting cold I got out and made myself some soup for dinner and went to bed under a few layers of blankets.

The next couple of weeks I started to feel the repercussion of my poor choice in jackets for the filming. It started off as just a couple of sneezes and a runny nose where the guys all suggest home remedies to kick the cold but none of them worked. Eventually this sneeze morphed into coughing and a fever. I was supposed to be working on some tracks with Loco for his new album and couldn’t be missing work. I was taking every kind of medicine I could get my hands on to help keep me functioning. I don’t know if it the over use of medication but my stomach was starting to hurt. The pains weren’t anything too concerning, just a stomach pain here and there so I just decided to ignore it and push through the pain.

I was walking into the studio with my layered jackets and medical mask on trying to keep my germs from spreading. I saw Simon walking out of the break room and stop in his track when he saw me. He looked horrified and slowly approached me as if I would attack him in some way. He stopped just out of reach of me and looked me up from down.

 

“Jesus Sarah, you look like shit.”

“Thanks.” I sneezed and coughed trying to hold my lungs in with my hand that shot up to cover my face.

“Fuck Sarah, you really do look like crap. Please get out of here, I don’t mean to be rude but go home. No in fact go to the doctor. It’s been a couple of weeks and you still aren’t better. Please go see the doctor and come back tomorrow.”

 

I tried to protest but Simon shook his head and extended his arms out blocking me from entering the studio and spreading whatever cold I had. I eventually conceded and turned and made my way home. I knew my body could kick whatever this bug was if I just gave it time to rest. So instead of going to the doctor I just went home and went back to bed. For the rest of the day I slept and only woke up because of a coughing fit or needing more blankets. When the morning finally came I tried to make myself look as healthy as possible in hopes that Simon or anyone else who saw me wouldn’t think otherwise.

When I walked into the studio I tried my best to hold back the coughs or keep from flinching from the pain in my stomach that was starting to get worse. I was slowly walking back to my room feeling the world get fuzzy and heavy, instantly regretting my choice to come in. When I opened my door I was welcomed with the sight of Simon sitting down going through his phone. The door opening alerted him to my presence and when he looked up I knew I failed at trying to pull of the healthy look.

 

“Oh for fucks sake Sarah, you look worse then you did yesterday. What did the doctor say? Is it contagious? You should really be resting.”

“I rested all day yesterday.”

“And the doctor?”

“I never went, I figured I could fight off whatever this is.”

“Jesus Sarah, I don’t have time to walk you down there and hold your hand. Just stay there.”

 

Simon pulled out his phone first calling Loco and then Chase to see if they were free to run me to the hospital, neither of them were free as they were all recording at the moment. When he finished his call his hand dropped and he looked up at me and shook his head before picking his phone up.

 

“Sarah, I really hate that you didn’t go to the doctor. This is a last resort and you better act on your best behavior.”

 

I stood there puzzled by his comment but then understood his warning when I heard him talking on the phone, he had called Gray.

 

“Gray, I am so sorry to ask you this and yeah it’s going to go against everything I told you not to do. I need you to come take Sarah down to the hospital before she takes the studio down with whatever she has.”

 

He was silent listening to Gray talk before he thanked him and ended the call. He walked me out of the studio and to Gray’s waiting car where he was already in it waiting for me. The car ride to the hospital was tense not just from the awkwardness between Gray and I but because I was trying my best to hold in the groans of pain. My arm crossed over my stomach and I doubled over unable to contain the pain any longer.

 

“You ok over there?”

“Yeah, don’t worry.”

 

I clutched my stomach tighter and cried out from the sharp pain I felt, it was as if someone had stuck a rusty old kitchen knife into me and was twisting it. I tried to hold my stomach with one hand while I unzipped my jacket to cool off as I felt I was burning up.

 

“Sarah what’s wrong?”

“I will be fine, just a little hot.”

 

I turned my head to face Gray and tried to give him the best smile I could. Another wave of pain came over me and the world became fuzzy and I heard Gray call out my name before everything went dark.

****

****

** Gray **

I looked over at her as she tried to smile but all I saw was the sweat covering her face and the flushed look on her face before I saw her clamp her eyes shut and grimace in pain before she slumped forward.

 

“Sarah!”

 

I pulled the car over and parked it cutting off other cars but ignoring their honks as I pushed Sarah back in the seat to check on her. She was breathing but it was labored and when I checked her head she was burning up. I knew I had to get her to a hospital and quickly. I put the car back into drive speeding off down the road weaving in and out of lanes trying to get their quickly. It felt like everyone in Seoul was out driving and causing me to slow down but eventually we made it to the hospital. I threw the car in park and ran to her side of the car taking her into my arms and running into the emergency area demanding a doctor for her. We were shown to an empty bed where I laid her down and the nurses began to strip her down and started checking her vitals. One of them came over to me asking what was wrong and I told her of everything that I knew. That she has been sick for a couple of weeks but recently it just started to get worse. They asked some other questions about her being around other sick people or if she has had any surgeries and I answered no to both. Then they asked if I was a guarding and I said yes, they had me some sign some forms to examine her to rule out things such as her appendix since she was having stomach pains. Once the forms held my signature they rolled her out and I was shown to a waiting area.

After about an hour a nurse came back and told me they had her resting in a room and that I could go see her but that she was sleeping. I thanked the nurse and she showed me the way, when I walked in they had her hooked up to machines to monitor her vitals and had her hooked up to some IVs. The nurse told me that a doctor would be in shortly and I thanked her again before she left me alone. I walked up to her sleeping form and took a spot in a chair next to the bed. I took her hand in mine and held onto it, she still felt very hot but knew that whatever this was she would beat. A knock came at the door and I turned around to see a doctor and nurse walk in, I stood and bowed to them.

 

“Good afternoon.”

“Good afternoon doctor, will she be ok?”

“She will be fine, we did some tests and it’s safe to say it’s nothing too dangerous. It wasn’t her appendix as we had thought, it was in fact just the flu. I don’t see that she got a flu shot yet and this year we have been seeing an increase in people coming down with the flu. We really wouldn’t worry too much but since her fever was so high it could be a concern for the fetus. I would like to keep her here under observation until the fever has broken and to monitor the fetus. If you have any questions the nurse here can answer them for you.”

 

The doctor bowed before exiting the room leaving me there trying to understand what he had just said. I grasped onto the chair to keep myself from falling, I shook my head trying to make my mind comprehend what I just heard. I sat myself down and looked up to the nurse who was watching me.

 

“She has the flu?”

“Yes, she will be fine as we have already started administering medication to help with the fever and liquids to help her body fight off it.”

“And…..” I swallowed hard not wanting to say the word.

“The fetus?” the nurse answered for me.

“Yes, that……is it ok?”

“As far as we know yes the fetus is strong, the stomach pains she was feeling was caused by the fever putting the fetus in destress.”

“How far?”

“4 weeks, we will go over this once she wakes up. If you need anything else feel free to come find me.”

 

I slowly bowed my head and the nurse left me closing the door softly. I turned my body back to take in the sleeping form and my eyes landed on her stomach. I still didn’t want to believe what the doctor had said but knew it had to be true because there was no way they would have been wrong about it. I sat there watching her body raise with every breath she took and the sounds of the beeping from the machines being the only sound in the room. I couldn’t believe this was happening, she was laying here with his baby…..with Jay’s baby inside her. My anger began to raise, as if it wasn’t hard enough knowing that she had fucked him, as if it wasn’t a knife to the chest to see his mark on her skin. But this…..this was the worst thing that could happen. The pain I was feeling from this was the worst kind of pain. I had still hoped that some way or another I would be able to find my way back to her. Now I knew there was no way that was going to happen.

It was another 20 minutes before I saw her arm twitch and watched her slowly regain consciousness. She opened her eyes slowly blinking against the brightness of the hospital lights before she turned her face to me.

****

****

** Sarah **

The loud beeping coming from the machines slowly brought me back. My body was still very hot but my arm was cold and I knew I must be hooked up to an IV. I blinked a few times before turning my head to see Gray sitting in a chair next to me, whatever the reason I was here for must not be good by the look he had on his face.

 

“What did they say?”

“It’s the flu.”

“Then why do you look like that?”

“You had a fever and that caused your stomach pains…….your body was trying to tell you that you were putting your fe…” he paused and took a deep breath before continuing, “The pain was from you putting the fetus in distress with the fever.”

 

I laid there blinking at him thinking this must be some kind of joke. He couldn’t possibly have just said what I think he said.

 

“Come again?”

“The fetus Sarah, your pregnant. I guess I should congratulate you.”

“Your joking, this is some kind of sick joke. Your just mad at me and now you’re trying to have your revenge. I won’t be mad, I know I deserve it.”

“I would never joke about this, you have HIS child inside you.”

“There is no way.”

“Of course there is a way, you were fucking him.”

“No, it’s not possible.”

“It’s not possible? Not possible your pregnant or not possible it’s his child? Because I know for damn sure it’s not mine! I never got the chance to do that with you! Or is it some other guy? Were you fucking another man?”

 

The pain from his words hit me hard like a building had just been dropped on me, I know I hurt him but for him to think I was that kind of girl to be messing with more than Jay hurt. Then again, I did nothing to prove him I wasn’t that kind of girl, in fact he only saw things that proved I was in fact that kind of girl. I let the tears make their way down before closing my eyes and telling him to leave. He didn’t say another word and left the room.

I laid there for a few more minutes before calling a nurse. They came in and gave me a rundown of everything they had told Gray. I was in fact 4 weeks pregnant and I would have to stay there until my fever broke and that they knew the fetus would be ok. I thanked the nurse for everything and she left me in the room to think over everything. I had a choice to make, I could terminate this pregnancy and leave never to return back here. Or I could keep the child and leave. Either way I knew my time was up here, I had ruined everything and there was no coming back from it. I let myself cry for the pain I had caused with both Jay and Gray and the pain from making the choice I had to about this baby inside me. Then I cried because I was going to have to give up on music, there wasn’t any way I could make this work. I cried until I felt like I had nothing left to give when a thought came to mind. I could possibly make this work if I were to leave and be signed onto H1gher music instead, I could be based out of the states and I wouldn’t need to worry about Jay or Gray as neither came to the states unless there was a reason. I knew what I was going to do but I needed info, I grabbed my phone and called Simon.

****

****

** Gray **

I was just walking back into the studio as Simon was walking out.

 

“Where are you heading off to so quickly?”

“Sarah called, said she needed to talk to me.”

“Why?”

“Not sure but she said it was important. How is she doing? It’s nothing serious right?”

 

I shook my head no and he smiled before walking towards his car and getting in. I watched him drive off and wondered why Sarah wanted to talk to him.

_She couldn’t possibly be thinking of telling Simon about the baby?_

 

I thought as I watched his car turn the corner. I stood there thinking of what she could want but eventually turned towards my car and driving off to go back to the hospital. I pulled up and got out of my car just as Simon was walking into the hospital. I followed him up to Sarah’s room making sure to stay a good distance from him so that he wouldn’t notice me. When he knocked and entered the room I went up to the door and slid it open enough to hear them talking.

 

“You ok Sarah?”

“Yeah I will be fine, just the flu.”

“You should have listened to me yesterday when I told you to go in.”

“I know and I am sorry.”

“So what did you need?”

“How much longer do I have on the contract I signed with Jay?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Just tell me?”

“I think two or three months, now tell me why you need to know?”

“I want to go back home. If you two are thinking of signing me on for good please sign me to H1gher and not AOMG. Let me be based out of the states and I don’t want to work with Jay only you.”

“Wow, I wasn’t expecting that. Is it because of everything with Gray and Jay.”

“Yes.”

“You know you don’t need to run away.”

“I know, but Simon this is beyond repair. It’s time for me to go back home. I want to continue with my music but I can’t do that here. Please if I am signed sign me to H1gher and let me go back home.”

“I know we want to sign you, there is no doubt about that. I guess I can understand your reasoning behind this but just give me some time to think on this.”

“Simon if I’m not signed and able to work from the states then I won’t be signing. I will give up everything and will return home.”

“I see, well then I guess I will have something to seriously consider. Rest up Sarah and I will talk to you when you come back to work.”

“Thank you.”

 

The door opened the rest of the way and Simon walked out and I walked in closing the door.

 

“Why?”

 

Sarah shot her head towards my direction not expecting me to be there.

 

“Why what?

“Why are you running away?”

“You know why Gray.”

“Because of the baby?”

“Because of everything, everything that has gone down between the three of us. There is no repairing this Gray now more so than before. Before we might have been able to find a way back from this for us three but now there isn’t. It’s time for me to go back home.”

“You can stay.”

“I can’t and you know it. I just want you both to be happy and to get back to the way things were before I came into the mix.”

“You can stay and I will raise the baby as mine.”

“You know that’s not right.”

“So what, I don’t want to lose you.”

“Gray you deserve to be happy with someone who loves you for you and with someone who isn’t carrying another man’s child.”

“Just think on it please. Don’t make such a drastic choice while you are sick. It’s the medication that has you all messed up.”

“Gray you know it’s not the medicine.”

“Just think please.”

 

I didn’t give her an option to say anything else before I walked out the door ending our conversation. I wasn’t about to let her leave just like that, no I had to do everything in my power to get her to stay. Over the next few days I went to the hospital to visit her on my lunch break and after work. I brought her stuff to work on that she asked for and just kept her company. Every day I asked her to stay and every day she turned me down, I knew I was fighting a losing battle but I refused to let her go without a fight.

 

“Sarah just stay.”

“Gray we have gone over this so many times already, I can’t stay here.”

“You know I said I would raise the kid.”

“Oh yeah how’s that going to look? Your mom would kill you if you had a child outside of marriage.”

“So what, I can handle my mom.”

“You could never do that to your mom, you are too much of a mama’s boy to hurt her.”

I kicked the at the invisible dirty on the ground because she was right, “So even if I don’t claim the kid as mine you can still raise the kid here.”

“Gray it’s not that easy, you know how the Korean society is. Being a single parent is so frowned upon. It’s not the same as being a single mom back at the states. Add on that I am part of this company and it could end up hurting you guys in the long run. I can’t do that.”

“Don’t give up ok, I will find a way to make this work.”

“Gray please just let it be.”

I looked down at my watch before I stood up from my chair, “Wow look at the time, I have to get going.”

“Gray I mean it.”

“I will be by tomorrow to pick you up ok.”

 

I didn’t give her a chance to answer me as I walked quickly out of the room. She made some valid points, my mom wanted a grandchild but she wanted it the right way. I had to find a way to get her to stay and I was running out of time because I knew Jay and Simon would want to get her contract settled soon. I went right home and didn’t bother eating, I just laid there in bed thinking of ways to get her to stay.

 


	13. Chapter 13

** Sarah **

It’s been a couple of days since I got out of the hospital. My fever has finally gone away and other then some sneezes and a sore throat I am on the mend. For the first few days being back at work Gray has been coming around more and not really letting me do much. When I get there in the morning and start setting things up to work he comes rushing in to bring me some vitamins that he found out about.

 

“Sarah the internet says you need to be taking vitamins, I asked around and these are supposed to be the best around.”

 

I never fought him on the vitamins because I knew I needed to take some but just hadn’t gotten around to doing any research. Outside of that he makes sure I am eating all my meals and doesn’t let me walk outside if I don’t need to. He has been really sweet and I hate that in the end all of this will be for nothing because I still planned on leaving. I really wish he wouldn’t put so much effort in when I know he understands why I need to leave, it’s like he is staying blind to all of this. Gray is so determined to help me with everything that he is even accompanying me to my first OB visit.

When we arrived at the hospital we made sure that we were kept out of the sight of everyone and was shown to a room right away. During the physical examination Gray stepped outside to give me some privacy but once that part was over he came back inside. The doctor rolled over the ultrasound machine and squirted some rather cold jelly onto my stomach before moving the wand around. She pushed the monitor to us and turned on the volume, the sound of a quick heartbeat filled the room.

 

“That little bean right there is the fetus, you are measuring right on track.”

 

The doctor printed a picture of the baby and put it in the pregnancy book she was giving me.

 

“Now I want you to make sure you take some kind of prenatal vitamin every day.”

“Don’t worry doctor, I already picked her up some and I make sure she takes it every day.”

“That’s good to hear, now also make sure you are eating well rounded meals too.”

“I make sure she eats three meals a day and that she isn’t eating anything that the baby book says she shouldn’t eat.”

“Wow, it’s nice to see a daddy so involved in the pregnancy. You have a good one, you are very lucky.”

 

I smiled at the doctor not really able to get a word in as Gray started asking her a million questions about the growth and the baby’s development over the next couple of months. Once he had all his questions answered the doctor stood to leave and we thanked her everything. I made another appointment before we left the doctor’s office.

 

“You read baby books?”

 

Gray was driving me back home and I couldn’t help but ask him why he had read a baby book.

 

“Of course, I did, I wanted to know all there was so I can help you.”

“Gray you know you shouldn’t be getting invested like this.”

“Have you read any baby books yet?”

“Well no, I was waiting until I saw the doctor.”

“Let’s go get you some.”

“Gray don’t worry about it, I will pick some up.”

“None sense.”

 

Gray stopped off at a store and told me to wait in the car before he ran in to grab some books. When he came back out he had two bags in his hand full of books. He put them in the back seat before he got in and started driving back to my apartment. I didn’t know what to tell him about this, I was at a loss on how to get him to understand that he was becoming too invested in this pregnancy. He wasn’t going to be around to see half of the things he was reading about. It hurt to know that he was going to be in pain yet again. When we pulled up to my apartment he grabbed the bags and walked me up.

 

“I really don’t like you living all the way over here. What if something happened? It would take me forever to get to you. Plus your doctor is all the way on the other side of town. Wont you let me find you a place closer to me?”

 

We exited the elevator and walked up to my door.

 

“Gray this place is fine, besides I won’t be here much longer and the lease on here is just long enough for me.”

 

I opened the door allowing Gray to enter and place the bags on the table.

 

“Can’t you just stay?”

I sighed and brought my hand up to my eyes, “Gray we have already gone over this, you know I am leaving. That’s why you shouldn’t be this into the pregnancy. It’s just going to cause you more pain.”

“It’s been months Sarah, can’t you just open your heart to me? Can’t I be the one only on in there?”

“Gray after everything that has happened I don’t think it would be fair to you.”

“Just try, let me care for you and the baby! You know I will raise the baby as mine.”

“Gray that won’t work.”

“Sure it will, let’s just date for a while. If it works between us then we can get married before the baby is born. If not then I will help you with anything you need.”

“Gray it’s not just about us, what if that baby grows up and it looks like Jay? How will you explain that?”

“I mean we can figure a way.”

“No. Gray I really do care for you and I appreciate everything you are doing but I just want you to be happy. Move on and find someone who isn’t fucked up like I am. Find someone who will make you happy and won’t have this kind of drama in her life.”

“I don’t want to.”

“You need to Gray.”

 

Gray stood there looking heartbroken before he came up to give me a hug and excused himself. I hated hurting him again but he needed to start separating himself from me and this pregnancy. I left the bags of baby books on my table and decided to just go take a nice warm bath before finding something to eat. I needed to get my mind off of Gray and concentrate on finding some kind of peace within myself.

Over the next week I felt as if I might have made some kind of headway with Gray. He stopped asking me to stay but still was there every chance he got. He wasn’t working late nor was he going out with the guys. Instead he was back to the way he used to be, always being at my side and doing stuff with me. I still saw some pain in him but not as much as before. He would be there when I was done with the work I had and would drive me home. On our breaks he would take me for a short walk around the block to get some healthy food to eat. He would still show up in the morning to make sure I have food and that I had taken my vitamins. It was nice to have Gray back as a friend and at times I still felt really selfish for keeping him close to me even after all the pain I caused him.

It was Saturday afternoon and Gray was with me doing an interview for a radio station about my album. Everything was going well, there was a live video feed and they had the viewers send in messages asking us questions and we read them off before answering. It was so much fun doing these kinds of things with Gray because he always made sure to make some kind of comment that would have us all laughing.

 

“So I know everyone including the fans want to know the answer to this, are you and Gray dating?”

 

I blushed and took a sip of my water hating that this was brought up.

 

“I mean there are just so many pictures out there of you two together lately.”

“Well of course there would be, Gray is one of my closest friends here.”

“Is that true gray?”

 

I looked at Gray hoping he wouldn’t say anything out of line.

 

“That’s right, we are just close friends and we are there for each other. Sarah was recently sick and I have been keeping close to her as she was getting better. We are all family and when a family member is sick you always step in to help them out.”

“I see.”

 

I smiled at Gray for giving such a good answer, I was hoping things wouldn’t get weird in front of the host and on a live feed.

 

“So Sarah, has there been any kind of talk to signing you onto AOMG?”

“We have been talking but nothing is set in stone.”

“Do you think you will be signed onto AOMG or H1gher?”

“I feel like I would be a better fit for H1gher as AOMG already has some amazingly talented people on the label. Plus it will work out great if I go back to the states, I miss my dad and want to go spend some time with him.”

“So you plan on moving back to the states?”

“Nothing has been decided, I just know I plan on going back home to see him as I haven’t seen him in such a long time.”

“Well we really hope you come back.

 

After the interview Gray drove us back to the studio as we had some things to go over with. When we got to the studio we were walking up to Simon’s office when a pissed off looking Jay met us at the top of the stairs.

 

“My office now!”

 

He didn’t even give me a chance to say no before he stormed off to his door holding it open. I followed him into his office leaving Gray in the hallway. I went in and sat down on the couch waiting to hear what he had to say.

 

“What the hell Sarah?”

“Uh what?”

“How is this the first time I am hearing about you wanting to leave or that you want to sign onto H1gher?”

“Well I have been working with Simon these days so it’s him who I discuss things with.”  
“Simon isn’t the one who brought you here, that would be me! So I should have been the first one to hear about this and not him!”

“Jay just calm down please, nothing has been decided yet so there really is no reason for you to be getting upset about this.”

“I have every right to be upset about this when the one person I have put so much into is wanting to up and leave!”

“I am not up and leaving you, I would still be under your label but I wouldn’t be under the primary one. I miss my dad Jay and I want to go see him.”

“Then do that but come back, take some weeks off and go see him.”

“Jay.”

 

His anger melted away and he came to sit down next to me. He turned to face me and looked at me with so much pain in his eyes.

 

“Don’t go, I mean yeah go see your dad but DON’T GO! Don’t leave for good.”

“Jay I need a break from all of this and you do too.”

“You’re not getting much of a break with how much time your spending with Gray.”

“Gray has only been helping me because I was sick.”

“I could have helped you.”

“Jay you are so busy with everything going on, Gray had some time and was able to help me. Don’t think too much into it.”

“What happened to only talking about work.”

“Jay I don’t want to fight with you. Nothing is going on between Gray and I. We are friends only, I made sure he was aware of that. Just as there is nothing going on between us.”

 

Our conversation was cut short by Simon walking into the room and taking a seat across from us.

 

“So sounds like you heard about what Sarah wants.”

“Yes I have and I don’t agree nor like it.”

“I feel the same way and I have thought long and hard over this. As she has left me no other option from what our last conversation was like.”

 

I looked down at my hands hating that I put Simon in that spot but knew it was the only way.

 

“Jay I have decided to sign her to H1gher and she has the green light to go back home and visit her dad. If she wants to stay in the states then so be it, she will have the option of working out of the Seattle office.”

“I don’t agree with this at all, I have a say in this as well Simon!”

“Yes you do and from my understanding you want her signed just as much as I do and she has already expressed her interest in H1gher. With the events that have happened in the past I feel that this would be the right choice. Now if you excuse me Sarah is needed in my office to go over the tour she will be taking part in.”

 

Simon stood and I stood as well looking down at Jay who looked like he just had his most treasured toy stolen from him. I didn’t say anything as I followed Simon out and to his office. When we entered Gray and Loco were sitting down waiting for us so they could go over the details of the tour. It would be a combined tour of local clubs, they would be singing songs off their albums and giving me a chance to also sing some of mine. After the meeting was over Gray took me home but didn’t come up as he was going to see his parents. I thanked him for the ride and went up.

I was in the middle of googling some info on pregnancies when I heard some heavy pounding on my door. I stood up and slowly made my way to the door not sure who it would be this late in the day. I looked through the peep hole and let a sigh out before opening my door. Jay walked in quickly and kicked off his shoes, that’s when I remembered my laptop sitting on the table and the baby books still in the bag under my table. I ran ahead of him and slammed my computer shut before kicking the bags farther under the table hoping he didn’t see anything.

 

“Jay what are you doing here?”

“You can’t go Sarah!”

“Jay not this, please it’s already been settled.”

“I refuse to let you leave.”

“You have no say in this Jay.”

“Like hell I don’t!”

“Jay that’s your problem, you always think you have the final say in things that you really don’t. That’s what got us in this mess! You thinking that I needed to be saved from you, that I was better off without you. Yet you still drew me in and still got what you wanted. This between us is toxic Jay can’t you see that?”

“I can’t lose you baby girl.”

 

I felt my heart drop at his nickname, it had been so long since I heard it. Yet this time it wasn’t said with any kind of carnal passion, this time it was said with pain and longing.

 

“Jay I have to go.”

“Do you not care for me? Is it Gray you want?”

“Gray is just a friend, yeah I had some feelings for him but nothing would have come from them.”

“Is there someone else?”

“No Jay there is no one else.”

“Then do you just not care for me.”

 

Jay walked over to the empty chair next to me and sat down looking at the ground. He looked so defeated and it hurt my heart to see him like this. The charismatic sexy Jay Park was not here, instead there was vulnerable Jay, just an ordinary man afraid of losing the one thing he wants. I turned and took a step closer to him and ran my hand through his hair. He looked up to me before wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me closer to him so he could rub his head against my stomach. I felt the tears come to my eyes at the irony of this, here he was rubbing his face against the body that was carrying his child but he didn’t even know how close he was to the child he won’t even know about. I let the tears fall freely as I fought the war inside me.

 

“Please baby, don’t go. Stay with me. I won’t ever hurt you again I swear. I can’t lose you, I love you.”

 

I let the sob escape my mouth as he said those words. God how I wanted to stay but knew this would only get worse if I did.

 

“Tell me right now that you don’t care for me and I will walk out that door and let you do whatever you want.”

“Jay of course I care for you, I have always had you there in my heart.”

“Then stay.”

“I can’t Jay, there has been too much damage. If I stay there is no way to fix things and put everyone back together. I have to go Jay, please let me go. I will always love you, but right now this is just toxic and would only make things worse. Think of Gray, if I stayed and picked you instead of him. Think of how much that would hurt him. I need to leave.”

 

I felt Jay nod his head before he stood coming face to face with me. His hand that was resting on my waist came up to wipe the tears from my eyes before he pulled my head closer to give a soft kiss on the forehead before he walked out of my apartment. After I heard the door shut my hands wrapped around my belly as I let the tears continue to fall. I felt the guilt eat me alive from not telling Jay about the baby. Had I told him he would never have allowed me to leave and that would have destroyed Gray even more. I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to calm myself down. With the news out in the open about me leaving I knew the next person that needed to know would be my dad. I grabbed a water bottle and went into my room getting myself comfortable on my bed before I made the call. My dad would just be getting up back home or I had hoped he would be.

 

“Sarah, is everything ok?”

“Hi dad, did I wake you?”

“No I was just getting up”

“So I have some stuff I need to talk to you about.”

“Ok, are you sure everything is ok?”

“Everything will be fine, just please hear me out before you say anything.”

“Ok, let’s hear it kid.”

“Well we have decided to sign me to H1gher instead of AOMG which means I can come back home and work from the Seattle office.”

“Wow that’s excellent news, but why come back? I thought you loved it there? Not that I am not excited to have you back but I feel like there is more.”

“There is dad, see there have been some issues. I don’t want to get into it all but…..please stay calm ok.”

“Spit it out Sarah.”

“Dad I’m pregnant…….with Jay’s baby. He doesn’t know, there are very good reasons why he doesn’t know and I am coming home because I can’t be here.”

“You better tell me those reasons right this minute young lady.”

“God I so didn’t want to have this conversation ever with you.”  
“Yes well here we are and there is no going back so tell me right now.”

“Long story short I got myself involved in a messed up love triangle between Jay and Gray. I messed things up pretty good here dad and I need to come back home before I start showing. I don’t plan on coming back here.”

“I see, well I am sorry to hear about this. I had never imagined you would be in this predicament. Nor did I think I would have to call in so many favors so early in life. Just one question does Jay and Gray have life insurance policies because they are about to make their loved ones very wealthy.”

“DAD! You can’t do that!”

“The hell I can’t Sarah! I told that little shit to keep you safe and what does he do, he goes and gets you pregnant. I don’t want to get into how disappointed I am in you right now but that man was warned before you even left. A man has to keep to his word after all.”

“Dad please stop, you can’t call in those kinds of favors. You can’t put any kind of hits out on Jay and Gray. I don’t even want to know how you have that ability but you can’t do that.”

“Sarah I can’t even believe that I would have to think of doing that, but damn it they hurt you and put you in this situation.”

“It takes two to tango, I am just as much at fault here as anyone. So if you want to punish then you better hold me accountable too.”

 

The line was silent but I could hear him breathing on the other end. I hated how much I had disappointed my dad, I had only wanted to make him proud of me but instead I brought shame upon myself.

 

“Sarah, I feel like I failed you. I have only had you for such a short amount of time but in that little bit of time I only wanted to help you grow up and make your parents proud. I wanted them to look down on you and be happy with who you grew up to be. I feel like I failed you and your parents, I didn’t even know them personally but I wanted to make them proud.”

“Dad please don’t feel that way, you didn’t fail them or me. I was the one that failed.”

“Just come home kid, we will figure things out from there.”

“I will dad, once I get a date I will call you and let you know.”

“Ok, I love you kid.”

“I love you too dad.”

 

I disconnected the call and laid back in my bed pulling the covers over my head. I never in a million years would have thought that I would have had to make that call to my dad. To tell him that his daughter who he thought would always be pure and innocent had gone and gotten herself knocked up. To make matters worse that she was involved in a love triangle between two best friends. My dad’s words about wanting to make my parents proud came back to mind and a fresh waves of tears fell from my eyes. I could only imagine what they were thinking as they watched me from above. They must have been disgusted in who their daughter had grown up to be. I closed my eyes and apologized out loud hoping that maybe some way they would hear me and forgive me for the way I have acted.

The next month came and went in a flash. I worked on two more MVs for my album and Gray was there at every filming day, he did all he could to make sure that I wasn’t over worked. He was still my friend and only wanted what was best for me. He was the same way with the tour as well. He made sure that I was comfortable with my attire for the show, I wasn’t showing but he still didn’t want me in anything that was too tight around my belly. He also made sure I wasn’t in any kind of heels as it wasn’t safe for me to be dancing around on stage. Every now and then he would express his concern over keeping the pregnancy from Jay but knew why I had made that choice. It was nice to see him concerned for his friend and I was also noticing him trying to mend things with Jay. I knew this choice was the right one and once I was gone things could go back to normal. After each tour stop the guys would stay at the club to party and I had to stick around too for PR reasons but Gray always made sure to find a way for my drink to disappear without anyone noticing. I was having so much fun on the tour with the guys and every night I would go home and cry. I cried because I was going to miss this, I was going to miss being out with the guys and having fun doing what we all loved. I was going to miss Loco’s loving brother ways. I was going to miss talking about Game of Thrones with Chase and I was going to miss Gray and his silly mothering ways. That man was just full of pregnancy knowledge for some reason, he was going to make a woman very happy later in life.

After the final tour stop we were having an after party to celebrate the successful tour. This was also going to be where we announce my signing to H1gher music. There were a few people from local radio stations and other media outlets. They recorded Jay and Simon signing me to H1gher music and us shaking hands. Instead of getting a gold chain I was given choker, I laughed because even Hoody had a chain. I was the only one out of AOMG and H1gher to get something different, I knew this was Jay’s way of making me feel special. We took some more pictures together as a group before Simon announced my departure. The four of us already knew but no one include Loco and Chase knew of me leaving.

 

“Sarah you can’t leave like this, you have to stay!”

I walked over to Loco and pulled him into a hug, “You can always come visit me.”

“You bet your ass we will!” Chase pulled me from Loco to give me a hug as well.

“Why are you all saying goodbye, this isn’t a goodbye.”

“Simon is right, I am just a plane ride away.”

“That may be true Sarah, but I don’t want everyone to worry and think you won’t be back. You will be coming back. After you have had enough time with your family we will all expect you back here.”

 

I felt panic rise up inside me and my eyes darted out into the crowd searching for Gray. He looked just as surprised as I was, we both had assumed that Simon would have kept his word on me being allowed to work out of Seattle. After the party I pulled Simon away upset with what he had said.

 

“Simon what gives, you said I could work out of the Seattle office if I wanted to stay.”

“I did and I am sorry about that, but Sarah the thing is while you will be helpful for H1gher we need you here in Korea. The fan base is so much larger than we anticipated, you won’t have the same reaction in the states. I feel bad for not telling you that sooner, but you will have to come back. Go home and take a break for a bit, enjoy the time with your family.”

 

I didn’t even get to fight back as he just simply walked away from me ending the conversation. Gray found me just standing there shell shocked and lead me to his car. The drive back to my apartment was silent, when we arrive he parked his car and walked me up to my door. I unlocked it and walked in taking a seat on the couch. Gray shut the door and grabbed me a water bottle before coming to take a seat next to me.

 

“Sarah are you ok?”

“What am I going to do Gray?”

“I don’t know.”

“I planned on staying in the states and not seeing him for years. Now I will only be able to stay in the states probably long enough to have the baby but I will have to come back here. God I am so screwed.”

“Everything will work out Sarah, you have to have faith that they will.”

“At this point I don’t know what to have faith in. I thought Simon was going to stay true to his word but he backed out. Had I known I would never have signed on.”

“That’s probably why he didn’t tell you. He wanted you to sign on before he told you so you would be stuck.”

“That was a slime ball move on his part.”

“I agree but there is nothing we can do about it now. It’s over and done with, now we have to move forward and figure out a plan on what to do. Could you maybe leave the baby in the states when you come back?”

“No I could never do that. When I come back so will the baby.”

“Maybe have your dad come back then too, that way you won’t be alone and someone else other than me will be there to help you. I know you want to keep this a secret from Jay but I think now would be a good time to start figuring out what you will say.”

“What can I say, I can’t tell him it’s his baby.”

“Don’t, as much as I wish you would tell him I know why you can’t. But since he might find out in the end why not just tell him?”

“So you want me to tell him now? You just said not to.”

“I know, I just want to support your decision but now I am starting to think it’s a really bad one. Just tell him.”

“I can’t do that Gray.”

“Then what will you say when you come back here with a baby in tow?”

“The only thing I can say, it’s another man’s baby.”

“That’s going to hurt him and you know it.”

“I agree it will but I can’t have him knowing it’s his. Think of how the media will take this, think of how his fans would take it. It’s best he doesn’t know nor them.”

“Sarah I have a bad feeling about this.”

“I haven’t had a good feeling at all this whole time. I am here at this point and now there is no going back.”

 

Gray gave me a hug and got up to leave, it was nice to be at this point where we could talk and it wasn’t awkward anymore. We were really friends again and even if I saw a little bit of that love sick Gray in his eyes he kept it friendly and didn’t play into his feelings. I got up from the couch and turned the light off before walking to my room and going to bed.

Over the next few days I spent packing up all my stuff from my apartment and the studio room. I eventually had to stop listening to the radio and my phone because no matter what I had on I only got sappy love songs coming through my speakers. My last box was packed and waiting to be picked up by the movers to be shipped back home. I was currently waiting downstairs for Gray to come pick me up and take me to the airport. He finally arrived and helped me with my luggage before we took off. There were media and fans at the airport to take pictures of everything and I tried to keep the tears away but my damn hormones made it hard. Simon, Gray, Loco, and Chase were all there to see me off. I kept looking around hoping to see Jay as I haven’t seen or heard from him in days.

 

Gray pulled me into a hug before he whispered, “He isn’t coming, he can’t watch you walk away from him.”

 

The tears were falling harder and I tried to hold the sobs in that wanted to escape. Gray pulled away and wiped my tears before kissing my forehead. Loco pulled me into a hug telling me to not cry because I would be back before I knew it. Chase also gave me a hug repeating the same thing before letting me go. I went up to Simon and gave him a hug before pulling away.

 

“I’m still not happy with you.”

“Don’t have to be, just go home and rest. I will call you when it’s time to come back.”

 

I nodded my head before turning to walk towards the security point. I stopped and turned to wave at everyone before walking through the doors. Apparently, the universe felt like making my life a living hell because as I was walking through security they had light music playing and I could easily hear the song, it was FOOL by WINNER. I let a laugh escape as more tears sprung to my eyes. I tried to brush them away as I went through security, the guards stopped me and asked if I was ok. I wanted to scream that I wasn’t but I just nodded my head and kept walking. When I was finally able to load onto the plane I sat in my seat and crossed my arms across my stomach holding the precious cargo I was carrying.

_Please don’t hate me for making this choice, I only want what’s best for us. I love you my little bean. I know your daddy would too if I had told him but I can’t or we won’t ever get to leave. We would be stuck in this toxic cycle of pain. We both need this time away from each other to really get our stuff together._

 

I made the silent plea to my baby as the plane started to take off. I watched as we sped down the runway and lifted off the ground, leaving behind all the pain and the mess I made. Leaving behind the one man who I loved and the one friend who I wanted nothing but the best for. I had truly hoped that when I returned that maybe they both could have had a chance to move on from all of this.


	14. Finale

** Sarah **

When I first arrived back in the states things were very stressed between my dad and me. I wanted to go back and find another apartment but he refused to let me move out. This wasn’t the first time staying with him at his home but it was the first time I was there for a long period of time. He said he couldn’t sleep at night knowing I was out there alone and pregnant. When I told Hua and Park of the baby news Park was on dad’s team with calling in death threats but Hua was there to let me cry out all the pain I had inside. The pregnancy wasn’t too hard to hide thanks to baggy clothes and that I didn’t carry too big. I made sure to keep up my appearances on social media but never took pictures of my whole body, it was always chest up. Any time I had video messages with Simon I made sure to be sitting at a desk with everything I needed at hands reach. I still felt like crap for keeping this from Jay and there were so many times my fingers paused over his name in my contacts. Whenever I got a new sonogram picture I wished he was there to share the news with but knew that it would only complicate things. I didn’t keep in close contact with Gray and I was happy whenever I saw his smiling face on his Instagram, I knew things were getting better for him. Jay always had that goofy smile on his face as well in all the pictures and it was nice to see that the bond he had with Gray wasn’t broken by what had happened.

As the months went by and the more I showed the more my dad got angrier, he hated that I was here going through this alone. He also hated that I was keeping this from Jay and threatened to call him many times, he said he needed to be there to support me because I didn’t make this baby alone. Towards the end of the pregnancy when my feet and limbs started to swell up and I wasn’t able to sleep comfortably was when he really started to get angry. I knew the anger was just his frustrations with seeing me this way and I tried to do things for him like making his favorite meal or talking about sports. Even Park was here to help keep my dad’s mind off of things and Hua was there as well with her friend who was a doula. I had made the decision to go about this pregnancy in a healthy way, I didn’t want it to be so strict and having to go by the rules of the medical world. With a doula I was able to go about things in a more peaceful way and was able to give birth at home. Hua was there to help coach me through this while Park was there as well but he sat with my dad in the living room trying to keep him calm. Park one night called me after working with my dad and had told me that my dad was so afraid for me and I couldn’t believe that I was so blind to this. He had lost his wife and unborn baby to child birth, back then things weren’t nearly as advanced. The cord was wrapped around the child and was suffocating him, they rushed his wife into emergency surgery where she bled out from complications. He never remarried and never thought of replacing his wife. When I found that’s what was feeding into his anger I waited for him to get home from work and just hugged him. I told him that I would be fine and the baby would be fine too, that things have changed since then. He held me close to him and told me he didn’t want history to repeat itself and he knew he was being silly with his fear but he couldn’t help it. So that’s why he waited in another room as I labored all day and well into the night.

It was just past midnight and Hua sat behind me in the little pool we had set up, she was rubbing my shoulders and telling me everything she could think of to keep me positive. The doula was at the edge of the pool urging me to keep pushing and that the head was coming. I was trying to hold back my cries because I didn’t want to scare my dad. When the head was finally out she had me hold off on pushing to get the cord and make sure it wasn’t around the baby’s neck. I gave a couple of more pushes and my sweet baby boy was brought into the world, the doula lifted him to my chest and suctioned his mouth and nose clean and his little cries filled the room. I could hear my dad and Park down stairs hollering and hooting for joy. Hua sat behind me hugging me and congratulating me, my eyes were only for my baby boy who had a head full of black hair. He had a cute little squishy face that looked all silly as he cried out. Once everything was taken care for the aftercare I was helped out of the pool and to my bed where I was able to nurse him for the first time. Once he was finished and I was dressed my dad and Park came in to meet him. Park held back with Hua to let my dad come up and meet him first.

 

My dad walked up to my bed and gave me a kiss on the forehead, “I am so proud of you Sarah, you were so strong in all of this. I know your parents if there were still here would be over the moon. Now let me get a good look at this little guy.”

 

I handed the wrapped up baby over to my dad and watched him look down at him with a tears in his eyes and a smile on his face.

 

“Hello sweet boy, you are just going to be such a handsome little guy when you grow up won’t you. Look at this this hair, already so much hair for such a little guy. What will you name him?”

“Joon Ki, I wanted him to have a name that wouldn’t be too out there if he were to grow up here in the states but I also didn’t want him to have an American name that would make things hard for him if he grows up in Korea. When I was looking for names I came across Joon which means a man who is exceptionally talented, while Ki means the one who has arisen. I hope that these names will give him strength in anything he tries to achieve.”

“That’s a lovely name Sarah. Hello Joon Ki, I am your grandpa and I have so many things planned for us to do! Just wait until you are old enough and I am going to teach you all about cars!”

 

I knew that all the anger my dad might have still had inside him over this was gone the minute he held Joon in his arms. The next two months seemed to fly by and one morning as I had just put Joon down in his bed after feeding him I heard my phone ringing. I grabbed it off my nightstand and took the call into the bathroom shutting the door so that I didn’t wake up Joon. I looked down at the phone and saw that it was Simon.

 

“Good morning Simon.”

“Good morning Sarah, how are things going over there?”

“They are going good, did you get the new lyrics I sent your way.”

“Yes I did and that’s why I am calling you, it’s time for you to come back Sarah. You won’t be able to record these songs from the states and we need you here for the other songs we have you set to work on. I know you will need to make some arrangements so I will expect you back here in about a month.”

“I guess I will see you then.”

 

I ended the call and sat there thinking things over, I knew this was going to happen eventually but I had hoped Joon would be a little older before then. I left my bathroom and made sure Joon was still sleeping before going to find my dad who was downstairs watching some old cowboy movie.

 

“Simon called.”

My dad muted the movie and turned towards me, “What did he say?”

“He expects me back in SK in a month.”

“I see, that doesn’t give us much time to get things in order.”

“No it doesn’t, what will we do?”

“Well I already talked to Dave and he will be taking over the club, I will still have my name attached but all important matters will go through him. I have some friends over there who deal with realty and I can see if they will help us find a suitable place. As for this place, I can probably sell it or rent it out. Anything that doesn’t hold a special place in my heart will be sold off.”

“Are you sure you want to do this dad? I mean you don’t have to come with.”

“As if I would let you take Joon all the way over there and have him grow up without his grandpa. Who is going to help him learn about cars and the old school cowboy movies. I doubt any of the guys there will know about these things. No he needs his grandpa in his life.”

 

I hugged my dad and thanked him for always being there for me and for taking a chance on some random kid coming in off the streets. I don’t know where I would be had he not been there to give me my chance, I certainly wouldn’t have Joon that’s for sure and that’s not a future I would ever want.

Thankfully my dad’s friends came through and found us a nice little house with a little yard, I had told my dad an apartment would be fine but he said that a young kid needed some room to play outside. That him and Joon would be planting some vegetables and flowers and getting dirty because that what a grandpa and his grandkids do. We said our goodbyes yet again to everyone before we left and promised to come back when we could to see them.

The plane ride back to Korea wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be with an infant, he slept most of the time and rarely cried. When we landed my dad took Joon from me and was being met by his friends who would bring them to the house. He didn’t want me photographed with the baby and he had a point. I waited for a good 30 minutes before walking out into the airport making sure that there was no way I could be linked to them. I rolled my luggage through the airport and smiled at all the flashing lights before I got in a cab and made my way to the house, on the way there I made sure to send Simon a text telling him I had landed and was heading home.

When I arrived home I was so surprised at how nice the house looked, yeah it was a little far from the studio but the neighborhood was great and the house had more than enough room for us all. I walked into the house and found my dad proudly showing off his grandson like the proud grandpa he was. I smiled and set my things down before going up to his friends and thanking them for finding us such a lovely house.

Joon was in the arms of my dad’s friend’s wife just making cute little baby noises when the door bell rang. I excused myself to go see who it is only to see Simon on the other side of the door. I stepped aside and he walked in.

 

“Welcome back Sarah, you have a lovely house.”

“Thank you Simon, what brings you here?”

“I just wanted to make sure you had everything you needed and to just welcome you back.”

 

My dad started laughing with his friends at something Joon did which caught Simon’s attention. I saw him look over at Joon who was still in the arms of the wife and looked back at me.

 

“Cute kid.”

“Yes, sorry about this but we have company. I will see you tomorrow morning ok.”

“Sure thing, sorry to just show up like this.”

 

I opened the door and all but shoved him out telling him it was fine and that I would see him tomorrow. I didn’t want him getting close to Joon and I thought that I would have had some time before he noticed him. The rest of the day was spent unpacking and getting things set up as I wouldn’t be home much tomorrow.

The next morning I woke up and fed Joon before leaving him with his grandpa and made my way to the studio. When I arrived I was welcomed back again my Simon who was happy to have me back and told me my room was still the same one. On the way back to my room I ran into Gray who had such a big smile on his face and pulled me into a big bear hug.

 

“Sarah I can’t believe you are back! You look great!”

“Thanks Gray, you look great too. How are things here?”

“Things are good, actually they are pretty great. Work is going well and I found the most loving woman to ever grace the planet.”

“Oh wow! That’s such good news, I can’t wait to meet her!”

“Yeah we will have to get together soon, sorry I can’t talk but I have something to get to.”

 

We said our goodbyes and I went into my room to only be met with Chase and Loco sitting on the couch. Loco stood up to give me a hug and welcome be back before he had to go as he had something to do as well. Chase gave me a hug and said how happy he was to have me back here before we jumped right into work. We were in the middle of matching up some lyrics with the beat he had playing when Jay walked in.

 

“I heard you were back.”

I looked up at Jay and even after everything the man still took my breath away. “Yeah I am.”

“I am glad to have you back here, I was starting to think you were going to stay in the states forever.”

I laughed, “As if Simon would let me do that.”

“No he wouldn’t, sounds like you guys have some good things here. Mind if I sit in on this.”

“I don’t have a problem with it.”

 

For the rest of the day I spent it with Jay and Chase going over the beat and the lyrics helping me where it was needed.

****

****

** Jay **

To say I missed Sarah while she was gone would be an understatement, the day she left I couldn’t bring myself to go to the airport. My heart was breaking every day leading up to her departure and had I gone I would never had let her get on the plane. Since then I haven’t been the same, I felt like there was this big piece of my life missing and it was her. Yeah things with Gray were back to the way they were before the mess but while he was easily moving on I couldn’t. Sarah was the one I thought of when I was working and the person I thought of when I laid in bed at night. She consumed my every free moment, I was always watching her social media accounts and I was happy to see her smiling face and have a glimpse into her life now that she wasn’t in mine anymore.

But to see her here again in this room and laughing with Chase as they worked on music. It was like the world seemed brighter, that before today it was like there was a dark filter over the world but it was gone now. I couldn’t help but smile the whole time I was in that room watching her work. I knew that things would be better from here on out and I was never going to put us in that kind of situation again that would make her leave me. The universe could throw anything at me right now and it wouldn’t even phase me because what we went through the past year was by far the worst thing to happen. Nothing could surprise me now nor could anything wipe this smile from my face.

****

****

** Sarah **

The first month back was so jam packed with things. Between working on the music I was also put in a couple of MVs for people who I was featured on their songs. I was doing more interviews to hype up my comeback and to help promote Gray and Loco’s comeback as well since I was featured on a track from their new album. Simon thought it would be a great idea to put me back on RUNNING MAN since I was such a big hit last time. I didn’t mind and looked forward to it. When they had me on the cast was asking me a million questions about going home and how things were going being back. Then they asked if I was dating anyone because apparently Jong Kook was rather smitten with me last time. I laughed it off and told them I wasn’t dating anyone and I wasn’t planning to because I was so busy with things.

Things were going so well and Joon was getting so big and was needing new clothes so on my day off I decided to take him down to the local area to find him some new clothes. I had him in a baby carrier on my chest with a blanket covering him from people while I had a hat on and a mask over my face. No one stopped me but I did notice someone out of the corner of my eye who had their phone held up but looked like they were texting, I doubted they were taking a picture because I was so far away from them and in a crowded place. Once I had some clothes I made my way home and was happy to make it back to the house without being stopped by anyone. I just played with Joon and went through his clothes packing away all the ones he outgrew before I made dinner. I didn’t bother checking social media and I wish I had.

The next morning I was replying to some messages from Hua and laughing at the pictures she had sent me. I didn’t notice the looks or the hushed conversations of the people around me. I heard a someone clear their throat and looked up to see Simon standing in front of me.

 

“Sarah can I see you upstairs really quick.”

“Sure.”

 

I followed him up to his office and walked in to find a rather frustrated looking Jay sitting on the couch. I took a seat opposite of him and watched Simon come to sit next to Jay.

 

“Sarah something was brought to our attention late last night and we need some clarification from you on it.”

“Ok…..what is it?”

 

Simon unlocked his tablet and slid it over to me, I lifted it and was looking at a picture of me and Joon from the other day shopping. I looked from the picture and looked at both Simon and Jay.

 

“Sarah can you explain this picture to us, who is the kid.”

“I am sorry Simon, I knew I should have told you sooner but I didn’t know how. That’s my son Joon.”

 

Jay shot up from the couch and let out a frustrated sigh and Simon let his head drop letting out a quiet curse.

 

“I am so sorry, I thought I was keeping him hidden well enough before I could figure out a way to tell you.”

“Sarah you should have told us the minute you found out you were pregnant, this would have been handled differently.”

“I am sorry Simon really I am.”

Jay who had been pacing back and forth silent the whole time finally found his voice, “What about the kid’s dad. Where is he?”

I looked down at the floor, “Not in the picture.”

“Sarah you have to understand this puts us in a bind, being a single mom isn’t looked upon well here. Plus the timing of you going back to the states and then coming back with a baby. This looks bad Sarah.”

“I know and I am sorry Jay.”

“I want you to lay low for now, no more PR for you until we can get this figured out.”

“I understand.”

 

I was dismissed from the office and made my way to my room only to be met with Gray.

 

“You ok?”

“Yeah, I knew it was going to happen eventually.”

“Did you tell Jay?”

“No, I don’t need to complicate things more than they already are.”

“You need to tell him Sarah.”

“I will eventually.”

“Tell him soon before it gets out of control, before you fall further down the lie. He deserves to know the truth, I would be really hurt if I was in his shoes.”

“I will.”

 

Gray left the room after that and I was left to my work. Thankfully it wasn’t too big of a deal and Simon was able to smooth things over and spin this in a good light, he worked the angle of a struggling mom wanting to make the best of her situation and give her son the world. With things working out I was feeling better at bringing Joon out of the house more and didn’t have to hide him. I would often stop by the studio when I wasn’t working to see the guys and the girls at the studio loved watching him laugh and giggle.

I was set to be working at home today but I had forgotten something at the studio and decided to take Joon with me to get the fresh air. I was walking into the studio with Joon in his stroller playing with his stuffed puppy that Gray had bought him. Joon dropped the puppy on the floor and was starting to fuss so I bent down to get it and when I stood up I was met with Jay and his mom walking towards us.

 

I bowed, “Good morning.”

“Good morning Sarah, who is this precious little angel?”

“This is my son Joon.”

 

I watched her bend down to be at the same level of Joon and a bit of panic started to rise in my body, while he didn’t look too much like grown man Jay in my eyes, I had no idea if he resembled baby Jay and the woman would could spot it was currently making silly baby noises to my son. She reached her hand out to play with the cowlick on Joon’s head before she stood and watched him yawn before snuggling his face into his puppy.

 

“Sarah he is just the sweetest looking baby, Jay don’t you think so?”

“Yes he is.”

“Oh Sarah for that cowlick if you brush it a certain way it will stop sticking up. Jay use to have a cowlick just like that when he was a baby, it took me forever to get that thing under control but I eventually tamed that beast.”

 

I thanked her and moved out of the way to allow her and Jay to exit. My heart was racing a mile a minute at her words. I don’t know if she really noticed a similarity in looks between Jay and Joon but the look she gave me made me afraid. I quickly walked into my room and grabbed what I needed before leaving the studio and heading back home. I didn’t want to run into his mom again or Jay for that matter.

Thankfully I had no more run ins with his mother or anyone else from his family. Joon was getting older and had just celebrated his 6 month mark and was now trying to crawl all over the place and sticking everything in his mouth. Ji Soo had actually called me up and asked if I along with AOMG would like to partner with her in her new line of clothes. It would be a matching family line and she felt that it would be good for me since I had a new baby to participate in this. So that’s how I found myself in a matching outfit with a little girl around Joon’s age. Joon and I weren’t the only ones in the photo shoot as Ji Soo had actually called in Jay to take on the dad roll for the male matching clothes. The irony of this was not lost on me at all.

****

****

** Jay **

I arrived at the photo shoot location to find Sarah already being photographed with a cute little girl in a matching spring dress. They were sitting on the floor playing with some jewelry and looked perfect together. She really was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and when I saw her smiling with the little girl I couldn’t help but wish that this was a family photo shoot for real and not just for some fashion line. Once I was spotted I was taken back into wardrobe and given my matching outfit that would go with the concept. Once I was dressed I walked out and found Joon playing on a blanket with some toys. I walked over to him and swooped him up in my arms and started to tickle him causing him to break out into little baby laughs. He really was the cutest little baby I had ever seen and whenever I held him my heart felt just weird, like I was missing some important piece of information but once I had him in my arms I wasn’t missing anything anymore. My heart so badly wanted to have a family with Sarah, now that I was here watching her with the other baby while I held Joon, there was nothing else I wanted in the whole world.

We took some pictures just us boys playing and having fun before we swapped and took pictures of me and the girl while Sarah and Joon took their own pictures. After they did some of just the kids alone and some of just me and Sarah. Having her in my arms made my heart race and the way she looked into my eyes made me feel like things were right where they needed to be. The last photos taken were a group photo of us, one with all four of us and one with just us and the girl baby and then us with just Joon. When we were finally done I thanked Ji Soo for everything and told her the clothes were amazing. She told us to keep the clothes as they were her gift to us.

About a week later the pictures were released and were put into some clothing catalogs. Sarah was over the moon about the pictures and was often seen talking to the other girls around the studio about the photoshoot. Everyone in the studio was so in love with Joon and it was nice to see the atmosphere change a bit with the new addition to the family. Even Chase had a Cha Cha beat jacket made up for the little guy. The day he gave it to Joon he walked him proudly through the studio like a proud uncle saying Joon was going to take up beat making like his uncle Chase and that he couldn’t wait to teach him how to dance when he finally was able to walk. He had us all laughing and Sarah was rolling her eyes as what Chase was saying.

It was a day off for me and instead of sitting at home I had decided to drop by and see my parents. I walked in and gave my mom hug who was making something for dinner.

 

“Jay darling those pictures were just adorable! All the other women at the garden club were telling me how cute you looked with little Joon. They said I needed to hurry up and marry you off so you can give me another grandbaby. They even mentioned how much Joon could even pass off as your own son had they not known who he was.”

“Mom all babies look the same at this age, those old ladies don’t know what they are talking about.”

“Whatever you say darling. Go have a seat while I finish supper, your father should be here soon.”

 

I walked over to the couch and sat down, I went to reach for the remote on the coffee table when I noticed the magazine with our pictures opened up and sitting next to an old photo album. I lifted the album up and started going through the pictures. They started off of just my parents when they were younger and then the pictures were of my mom with her pregnant belly. Of course, the pictures that followed that were all of me at various ages. I stopped on one of me sitting on the ground with a stuffed dog sitting in front of me, I was smiling up at whoever was taking the picture, I looked to be about the same age as Joon in the picture. The comments I was hearing that I pushed away about Joon were starting to get to me. I picked up the magazine and flipped to the picture of me holding Joon and I brought the magazine next to my photo and looked at them side by side. Joon when I first met him looked so much like Sarah but as he had grown his features were slowly changing. Comparing the pictures side by side I could see why people would say we looked similar. He had my eyes and my hair while his nose was all Sarah but the lips were identical to mine. I sat the magazine down along with the album and just stared at the nothing thinking. Before Sarah had left I asked her if there was anyone else and she had said no, I know for a fact Gray had never slept with her. So unless she lied or met someone else in the states and had Joon extremely early which she couldn’t possibly have done because he was so big and healthy….he had to be mine. I shot up from the couch and told my mother good bye before running out of the door and making my way to the studio.

It might have been my day off but everyone else was there working which included Sarah. I parked my car and walked in making a b line for her room. I didn’t even bother knocking and walked right in happy to find her alone going over some things.

 

“Jay, what’s up? I thought today was your day off?”

“I need you to be honest with me.”

“Honest about what?”

“Joon.”

“Jay….”

“Is Joon mine?”

“Jay I…”

“IS JOON MINE!” I screamed at her not caring if other people in the studio heard me.

“Yes.”

 

I felt my heart drop and I walked over to the couch to sit down as I suddenly felt really light headed.

 

“Jay I had planned on telling you.”

“When? When he was all grown up and didn’t need a dad in his life?”

“No, I was going to tell you sooner.”

“What after I miss all his first things, his first step, his first word. I already missed his first day in this world, I missed his first cry and his first crawl.”

“I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“It’s simple, you pick up your phone and call me. It’s really not that hard.”

“Yes it is.”

“No its not Sarah, how long did you know? Did you know before you left? Is that why you left? Were you hoping to never have to see me? Hoping to take my child and run away?”

“No it’s not like that.”

“Then what’s it like because right now that’s exactly how it looks like.”

“I found out when I was sick and Gray took me to the hospital. I couldn’t tell you then because of the mess we were all in. It wouldn’t have been right. We were so toxic to each other back then. Had I told you then I would never have been able to leave.”

“Damn right you wouldn’t have been able to, because I would never have let you leave with my child!”

“Exactly why I didn’t tell you, had I stayed things would only have gotten worse.”

“You don’t know that Sarah, things could have gotten better for all of us. Joon could have been the one to bring us all together. Look at how things are now that he is here, we are all so much closer. Things could have been like that.”

 

She got up from her chair and walked towards me and sat down trying to reach for my hand. I pulled away and stood up.

 

“No Sarah you fucked up big time. You had no right to keep this from me, I deserved to have known from the get go. It was might right and you took that away from me.”

“Jay I am sorry.”  
“Sorry doesn’t bring back the time I have lost with my son.”

 

I could see the tears well up in her eyes and I shook my head not wanting to see her cry and left the room. I needed space from her.

****

****

** Sarah **

I hadn’t heard or seen Jay around the studio for two days now. I tried to call him but every time I was sent to voicemail. I found Gray working and told him that Jay finally knew of Joon and that I had kept the fact that Gray knew a secret.

 

“He doesn’t need to know that part Gray, I don’t ever want him knowing. You can’t ever tell him that.”

“I won’t say a thing, how are you holding up otherwise?”

“I will be fine, this was going to happen eventually and I am just happy it happened now. The only thing I want to work on is my music. Jay can take all the time he needs.”

“He will come around, he loves that kid too much already and that was before he found out it was really his son.”

 

I nodded my head and thanked him for taking the time to talk to me. I went back to my room and finished what I was working on earlier that day. I could and should have stayed later to get a head start on the next song but I was too mentally exhausted to concentrate on work. I was just saving everything when Jay walked into my room and went and sat down on the couch. I finished turning everything off before I went and sat down next to him.

 

“Jay…”

“I am still very much upset over this Sarah. God you have no idea how much this hurts.”

“I can imagine.”

“Can you? Can you really imagine the pain I have been in since you left and then to finally have you back only for this to come out of nowhere? Sarah you don’t understand how much I love you. When you left I felt like there was nothing left for me here. I wanted to hop on the first flight back to Seattle and work from that office just so I could still be close to you but knew it wouldn’t be a good idea. Every single day you were gone I thought about you all the time, the only thing that kept me going was the pictures you posted on social media. Being able to see you smiling and happy made things a little more bearable. But then you came back and I thought that this could be a new beginning, then the picture came out of you with Joon. My heart broke knowing that you might already have a new person in your life and that I would never have my chance. But you didn’t, you said his dad wasn’t in the picture and I thought there still might be a chance. The more I saw you with Joon the more I wanted to be there too. I wasn’t immune to his charms and he had me under his little baby spell. Of course, now I know where he gets that little charm from.”

 

I paused and heard her chuckle a little at my joke. I looked at her and took her hand in mine.

 

“I get why you kept this from me, but it still doesn’t hurt any less. I really do wish you had told me sooner. I missed out on so much but I won’t be missing out anymore. I need to be in his life Sarah, he is my son and I don’t want to miss out on things. Of course, I still love you with all my heart and I hate what we went through to get here but there is nothing I can do about it now. All I can say is that I won’t ever make those same mistakes again, I just want to make you and Joon happy. Will you give me that chance?”

“I don’t know Jay, I mean I want you in his life yes but as for us I just don’t know.”

I reached my hand up and cupped her cheek, “We can take things as slowly as you need to, but I need you in my life just as much as I need Joon.”

 

She nodded her head yes and I smiled before leaning in to give her a soft kiss on the lips. I pulled back and wiped the tears that were slowly falling from her eyes and smiled at her. This was going to be a new start for us and I vowed to never let anything come between us again.

****

****

**_6 months later_ **

** Sarah **

The room was filled with laughter and love as I walked around thanking everyone for coming. Today was Joon’s first birthday celebration and Jay went all out for it. I spotted Gray walking in with a rather beautiful girl on his arms. She had her silver hair lightly curled and wore a cute blue dress that matched the color of Gray’s shirt. I walked up to Gray and gave him a hug.

 

“Gray and who might this enchanting woman be?”

“Sarah this is Rylie…my fiancé.”

 

My jaw dropped in shock and I looked back and forth from him to the woman standing next to him.

 

“Oh my god congratulations! This is such good news!”

 

I pulled him back in for a hug before releasing him and pulling Rylie into a hug.

 

“Welcome to the family Rylie!”

“Thank you.”

 

I let the two of them go off to find their spots as I made my way to Jay who was walking to the front of the room holding Joon. It was time for Joon to pick his item for the Dojabi. On the table in front of him were 8 objects, a microphone, handcuffs, a gable, a stethoscope, a calculator, a little basketball, an apple, and a book. Everyone was laughing and cheering Joon on as Jay walked him back and forth across the items. I was hoping he would pick the gable while of course Jay hoped for the microphone. I wasn’t surprised to see him reach for the apple because that was his favorite food but when he reached out and hovered over the gable my heart raced at the thought of having my little guy becoming a judge. My dreams were shot down when his hand then went to the microphone and picked it up to put it in front of Jay’s mouth.

The group cheered and pictures were snapped as Jay twirled him around clearly pleased that he had picked the item he wanted him to. We spent the rest of the party walking around and listening to people comment about how much Jay and Joon looked so good together. Jay’s parents were very happy to be there and took turns showing Joon off. We eventually had gotten around to telling his parents the truth and they were mad at us but eventually let it go because they had another grandchild in their life. We were sitting down to eat that day and Jay’s mom had made the comment that she knew right away that it was Jay’s son but didn’t want to say anything. I was just happy to have everything out and in the open about Joon.

Finally, the party ended and instead of going home with my dad, Joon and I went back to Jay’s apartment to relax. Joon had fallen asleep on the car rid there so Jay carried him upstairs and laid him down in the bedroom he had set up for him. He came back out and asked if I wanted anything to drink or eat and I just asked for some water. He brought two water bottles to the couch and sat down handing me mine. I thanked him and leaned my head on his shoulder.

 

“That was such a fun party.”

“It was, I can’t wait for him to start talking.”

“Jay just because he picked the microphone doesn’t mean he will be a singer.”

“You never know.”

 

I laughed and closed my eyes.

 

“Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Sure.”

“Grab the remote and we will see what’s on.”

 

I reached down and opened the drawer on the coffee table. I was ready to grab the remote when a little black box with a red bow on it caught my attention. I picked it up and turned it around.

 

“Jay what’s this?”

“Oh how did that get there, I thought I put that someplace else. I was going to give that to you later, just a thank you gift for being such an amazing mom to our son. For carrying him and making sure he was born a nice happy healthy baby.”

“Aww thank you baby, you didn’t have to do that.”

“Open it, I wanna know if you like it.”

 

I gave him a kiss on the lips before I opened the box. Inside was the most breath-taking ring I had ever seen. My jaw practically fell on the floor and my eyes bugged out, I looked up from the ring to Jay’s smiling face.

 

“I know this isn’t the most romantic way but I don’t want to spend another day without you and Joon. I know I see you guys every day but I want things to be official. I want to be able to call him my son in public and you my wife. Sarah will you do me the honor and become my wife?”

 

I threw my arms around Jay and cried into his neck nodding my head before shouting yes over and over. Jay pulled away from me and grabbed the box from me taking the ring and sliding it on my finger.

 

“Do you like it?”

“Jay I love it!”

“Good because it was special made so I would hate to have to return it.”

“You could have given me a ring out of a claw machine and I would have loved it because it meant that you would be mine forever.”

“Well damn, had I known that I would saved me some money.”

“Shut up Jay Park.”

 

I pulled him back kissing him with everything I had. Everyone always said love was hard and it was painful. But to be stung by love was the most rewarding thing ever to happen to me and I would never want to change it.


End file.
